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Old 06-22-2007, 11:41 AM   #1
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One Day At a Time ODAT

This is harder than it sounds. I miss my dad so much. Today is really hard for some reason. He was so sick for longer than we even realized. Looking back at pictures you wonder why you didn't notice. I think that's one reason why I am taking this so hard. I feel like I should have noticed his symptoms and he could have gotten treatment sooner. The hard part is that he never complained. How do we really know what's going on if when asked, "how are you doing?" He says "Ok." I finally had to tell him that we couldn't help him if he didn't tell us what was wrong. He was in the hospital from 4/4 until he died there on 6/6. We seriously thought he would be coming home. After a month being there and not getting better but worse, they did a head ct scan and found a brain tumor. They did other parts of his body, but only found the one in the brain. Called it a primary brain tumor. 4.6 cm and aggressive. Dad never got healthy enough to do a biopsy. Seemed to go downhill real fast. I remember the day in my father's room, just me and him, he was sleeping, the resident doctor told me he had a week and we should think about hospice. I was floored. We had no indication up to that point that it was that serious.
That's a whole other book about communication and doctors.

I know I have to let it go and realize that even if he was diagnosed sooner, with all his other complications it would not have added much time. I know it will get easier with time. I lost my nephew who was 8 five years ago, my brother was 49 and passed away three years ago. But a dad's a dad and we were just beginning to really get close. Growing up I hated him. He was a drunk and a heavy smoker and we had to move so much, I can't even remember what schools I went to. I don't even have any childhood friends. Now, I realize why my dad was like that. He had six kids to raise and he was self-employed. Lots of stress. We talked about that when I spent my time with him in the hospital.

Maybe another reason this is so hard is that I stayed at the hospital for three nights and the fourth night, my brother said him and my younger sister were staying and for me to go home. I didn't want to, and that night he died at 3am - the same time my oldest brother did three years ago. My younger brother was with my oldest brother when he died too. AND, it was my younger brother's 8 yo son that died five years ago. I wanted to be there for my younger brother too. I had told my dad that it was okay to go and that we would be together soon. The pastor talked with him and he knew and accepted Jesus as his savior. The chaplin came another time and said a beautiful prayer. I only wish my mother could have been there - she was at a doctor's appointment. My two sisters were there and by then my dad was sleeping a lot.

Thanks for listening. take care
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If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

Last edited by sawbuck44; 06-22-2007 at 12:16 PM.

 
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Old 06-27-2007, 07:22 AM   #2
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Re: One Day At a Time ODAT

My mom just went to bed and never woke up. She was fine the night before. We had no time to prepare for what happened. My sister and I were at my parents home visiting. We just happened to be there.

It is hard regardless of how it happens. Every day is hard. Every day I feel the loss of my mother in my life.

And I cry.

Sara

 
Old 06-27-2007, 11:53 AM   #3
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Re: One Day At a Time ODAT

I hear you on not being able to prepare. Five years ago, my 8yo nephew got hit by a car and died instantly. Right outside my brother's house. My brother's oldest son came in and screamed call 911, Aron got hit by a car. He raced out there and tried to resuscitate him to no avail. When I got the phone call, he just said it didn't look good. I really couldn't comprehend what he was saying. I got to the hospital and he was outside with someone. I took that as a good sign. I asked him out my car window how Aron was and he said 'he's dead.' Unbelievable.

Even when we know it's coming, there is no real preparing. I am thankful that I spent so much time with my dad those two months in the hospital and when he was ill at home I went over there a lot too.

I hope you and your family find some peace and solace. I know we are still searching for it. Life, as you know it, changes dramatically when you have a parent pass away. Having supportive, empathetic people around you is important. If you don't, you need to put yourself around ones that are as much as possible. I know my husband loves me, but he is not one to put your head on his shoulder and cry. He grieved in his own way. My dad was the closest to a dad he had. I have to stop typing now. I'm at work and I'm starting to break down. take care
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If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

 
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