I am new to this..message boards and to grieving. I lost my soulmate on 3 weeks ago. I thought i was doing well-considering the tremendous loss. I know in my heart it was truly his destiny, I know he is in a better place, I know he is not suffering anymore-logically I know all that. I thought I was handling things well, i was sad and I cried some, but havent sobbed like I feel like I should and just thought it will come when I am ready.
And now....
I feel like I am losing it. I am not sobbing, some crying here and there (which is increasing). The pain is always there, in every second of everyday. But it's the boring everyday times like getting into my car and putting on my seatbelt, the couple of moments waiting for laundry to just finish drying, it's the reaching for a towel and drying myself off after a shower, the walk from the kitchen to the living room, the time between waking up and getting up, it's the smallest moments of silence that is tearing my world apart and destroying me.
Its just such a constant pain...I can do Ok during intense times, but when all is still, I cant bear it. Im afraid to let myself really cry..I think I might not ever stop. I love and miss him more than words can express.
Is there ANYONE who understands? does anyone get what Im saying?
Completely. Which is why you need to let yourself cry. My mother died three months ago today. She was so full of life and then she died. Totally unexpected. I have a place that cannot be filled by anything or any one.
Cry and grieve. That's what you are supposed to do.
Many people experience a kaleidoscope of reactions during the process of grief. If your pain is especially intense, you may even lose interest in life itself. In order to safeguard yourself against a long period of depression as a result of grief, it is critical to discover purpose and hope outside of yourself. In time, your sense of purpose will return as the pain becomes less intense.
My own story is along one about griving. I lost my identical twin brother who was BP,just like me. You know what....I'm still HERE
SBM I am so sorry for your pain. I have a similar situation but my husband passed away. We were living separate for a long time due to his behavior he was bipolar and would not take meds. I was afraid at times too and lived with so much rage and anger from him until I knew we could not live together unless he got help. He just passed away about a week now and I feel so many emotions and guilt but people all say you have to protect yourself from harm. It breaks my heart to say this but it is up to him to get help. I know this is a really really painful time for you. I don't know if it has anything to do with mental illness or not but I felt my connection to my husband was also powerful. I did not want to let go of him and had finally served him with divorce papers and then he passed away. I wish I had answers because I too am searching for peace in my soul. Keep posting and we can try to help each other.
I lost my own husband 3 weeks ago. We only had 10 years together but we were constant companions. His death was sudden and unexpected. This was not a first marriage for either of us but it was the first real love of my life. I try to soothe myself with the knowledge that he was always saying that this was the happiest that he had ever been in his life. Also, he was very spiritual and had deep faith. If there is a heaven he is surely there. I am still numb and keep thinking I will wake up and find that this has all been a bad dream. At the oddest times it hits me that he is really gone and I feel like I'm on a falling elevator. I don't know how I will rebuild my life. I'm hoping friends have pity on me and drag me out into the world. Hang in there and i believe our new path will eventually become clear. I have to hope because the alternative is no hope.
I am sorry ladies for your losses. I can feel it for you how it hurts to lose a husband in any form. SBM1, lets hope he will get fine and come back to you. It is better that he is still there although not in good condition. It was a good idea to let them go than to put your lives in danger. I hope time will heal your wounds and you will have to be strong and know that life still goes on.
Lylee, I know exactly what you are saying. My wife and best friend died last year. The way you described the boring times really awakened memories of my early grief. Those are tough times. You try and do things to stay busy and you are OK and then it just hits you. There is no where to go, you can't escape the pain. The quiet times make you think you are going to go crazy. I remember feeling so exhausted. I was so worn out from hurting so bad.
There is hope for you. My life is great now. I have scars but I decided that I hadn't died and that I still had lots to do in my life. My life and my plans had changed in a major way, but God willing it was a long way from over. I am now able to help my young children deal with the loss of their mother. God's design is so amazing. The loss of my wife is just now hitting my daughter one year later because her little mind wasn't ready at the time (six years old). I am able to help her through the pain and hard times she has, although it hurts to feel my daughters pain.
I will pray for you. Cling to God in your tremendously tough times.
Jason
I will pray for you. Lean on God and he will comfort you.
The loss of my wife is just now hitting my daughter one year later because her little mind wasn't ready at the time (six years old).
I will pray for you. Lean on God and he will comfort you.
Jason
I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I just want to comment on your daughter. You need to take care of her so that she should nt completely feel the gap her mom has left. I was brought up by my father after the death of my mom when I and my sister were still kids. I thank him for helping me grow up into a responsible person and making sure that I finished my education. I still miss my mother because I never had alot from her.
You have a big job that will easily be done by God's help. I wish you all the best as you are going forward to living a new life and as you will be bringing up your children.
lost my soulmate 
