I am hoping to get additional support so I do not over burden friends. My husband was killed in an accident 3 weeks ago. We were only together for 10 yrs but were constant companions. This was not a first marriage for either of us but both believe our relationship was special and were devoted to each other. MY adult children ( his step) feel as though they have lost the father that they didn't have growing up. On the outside people see me coping well. Actually I', numb and just going through the motions. He was my anchor in the crazy would. I talk to him and his pictures. I feel his presence in the house that we recently bought and were remodling. I'm tired of crying. I feel cheated of the 25-30 years we were hoping to have together. When not at work I tend to sit and watch the clock waiting until time to go to bed. I get angry because he told me his job was to take care of me and now he,s gone. I always thought that if something happened we would be together. He was the most remarkable person I have ever met. I have to remind myself to breathe and to just keep going. I plan on starting a grief group next week but I 'm not sure how many people will be able to relate. Sorry this is so long.
desertwidow, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have success with the grief group. I am going to start attending one next week. It meets every other week. I wish it were every week right now but I am also seeing a therapist. I really need help coping with my husbands death
I'm in my 3rd month of grieving for my wife. Its remarkable to see how similar some of our symptoms are. I'm also here for fear of over burdening my friends and family. People see me out and immediately assume i'm doing well, which pisses me off, in fact I tell them that they are way off. I know exactly what you are going through. On the flipside I often feel upset for not being able to do more for her. I promised to take care of her and keep her safe, yet there was nothing more I could do.
I'm probably the last person who should say this, but don't give up. I have also gone into counseling and it seems to help. I'm planning on approaching the priest at my church for advice as well.
It doesn't go away quickly. It is going to take time and you are making the first steps. If you need to, take some time off of work. No one will think less of you for it.
Call a local hospice and ask about grief therapy. It will help. You aren't alone in how you are feeling and what you are going through. And knowing others who have gone through the same thing helps tremendously.
Finally, be kind to yourself. You have gone through alot in the last three weeks. Cry when you need to cry. Ask for help when you need help. All of your friends want to help you out but they don't know what to do. So if you need help, just ask. They really mean it when they say they will be there.
Imsill feel my ex husbands presence. I smell his cologne. I hear him laugh. I know he is still with me. Im sorry for your loss. I couldnt imagine this happening to my husband, it would kill me. Ive made it this far, but only because of my husbands love and understanding for letting me mourn over my ex-husband.
I am so glad I found this forum. I lost my fiancee 4 months ago. I'm having a terrible time. People swarm around you in the beginning, then they thin and you are left ALONE. I am having a hard time dealing with the lonliness. We had been together 16 years, and couldnt marry because of his medical issues and what little bit he could get with the SYSTEM. My income would have hurt whatever chances he had for his assistance.
I'm terribly sorry about your loss. I know what you mean about staring at the clock waiting to go to bed. I come home from work, i sit at the computer for a few hours, then i go to bed. They say it gets easier. I'm still waiting.
Please post again and keep me posted on how you're doing. Maybe we can help each other.
I totally know where you are coming from. My husband died in January of last year after a very serious car accident (I was hurt as well but only minor stuff). I NEVER thought I would ever be able to go on. However, I did move on although it was tough. I had a wonderful support system. NO matter how impossible you think it is now...you will move on. Do not deny youself feeling though...cry when you need to, it is okay. I will pray for you....
Please see my post under "Has anyone seen a medium." It may help you. 2 1/2 years ago I lost my fiancee of 10 years. Like you, we didn't marry due to his health issues. After he passed, I regretted not becoming his wife. I know he lives on, now in spirit. I joined a grief support group and also read many books on grief. I wish you well. Susan
Last edited by PSusanp123; 09-11-2007 at 09:18 PM.
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