my dad wasnt around when i was little... ut when he wasi had a bond with him. he was in and out of jail and paar wich is a recoverying center. and at age 33 2 years later he finualy graduated from Paar and become a lisended drug and alcohal counsiler we were all very proud....i was able to see him so much more. and he came to our house every weekend to see us(my brother and I)he had finualy moved in wit my mom and step ada he was there best freiends and my best friend oh do i miss him so
i had went on vacation the sumer of '06 i was gone for three weeks i was missing my dad very much because i hadnt been away from him that long in like three years. so i called evryday and talked to him and the rest of my family untill the last weekend i couldnt get a hold of him i was really worried but i didint know what was going on. i had got back form my vacation. my dad wasnt home. he wasnt home at 9 pm at night either it was the day before eight grade i was getting ready from school and he didnt show up but in place of him were the policemen/detectives telling my mom that he was gone.
he was killed by a homless man by a river over a bottle of acolhol my dad had backslided for a weekend. when i was home i use to convince my dad not to leave cuz i wanted to spend as much time as i could with him
and i feel that it is my fault cuz if i didnt go on vactioni would have been able to stop him from going and we couldve been together still. i have gone through hell and back this year im 13 years old and he was murdered august 13,2006 last year and i miss him so much i feel i cant go on and stay strong ugh i want to spend just another day with him.
Niki, honey I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't feel guilty over what happened it was not your fault. It could of happened even with you home. I understand the feelings of guilt because I lost my husband this month and we were separated due to abuse but I loved him so much. I too, felt and feel guilt over so many things but I had to decide not to let it eat me up inside. Things happen in this life we have no control over. Cherish the good memories and the fact you loved him and he loved you. I know the pain and sorrow it deep right now but I hope in time it will lessen. It won't mean you stop loving that person it is what they would want for you and that is peace. I read your mom's post and together you can comfort each other through this terrible time. I am so sorry.
It must be very difficult at to be losing you daddy. Of course it hurts so much and of course you are missing him. And it hurts even more during the anniversary of his death. But how does that make you responsible for his death? It was meant to happen and it did. Nothing you could have done could have changed this. So, what do you say? Wouldn't he have wanted you to stop crying and concentrate on doing something he would have been very proud of you, like really doing well at school or doing something else that you are really good at, sport, or art or athletics? I think he sure would.
Besides, he would have wanted you to be happy and remember only the good times you had together not feeling responsible for something you had no control over.. So get on with your life and if you feel sad, which is normal and ok, try to do something that will make you feel better so that you can find peace and TIME WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN. Trust me. Time always helps.
Good luck and take care of yourself please.
You are not responsible for the homeless man who killed your father. You could not have changed what happened even if you had been home. And in fact, your God may have planned it for you to be out of town when this happened to your father. Don't think that there aren't certain plans in life.
However, now you have your father with you all of the time. I didn't believe it when I was your age but I have learned over time that those who have died before us, look out after us for the rest of our lives. I can't explain exactly how this is, but I know it the same way I know that a day is 24 hours.
Talk to a school counselor if you need someone to confide in. Understand that everyone who looses a family member goes through the same sadness. And know your father is with you. You can't see him, but he is there and he is going to help you for the rest of your life.
I love you Nik. Use punctuation when your writing, it makes it easier to read. I miss your dad so flippin much sometimes I cant stand it. But we will all be ok. Weve made it this far, it is bound to get easier.