My sister died earlier this year aged only 36. Her death was a bolt out of the blue. After her death we discovered that she had been suffering from eating disorders for many years, which was another thunderbolt.
We used to be really close and gradually drifted apart as she (to my mind) became more difficult to be with and interact with. I can now see why she may have behaved in some of the ways she did.
A month or two before she died I had made arrangments to visit her for a week and try and mend some bridges and help her out of the rut her life had got into. But she died a couple of weeks before I was due to visit.
I live overseas and don't speak the language well, so bereavement counselling isn't open for me.
I feel quite lost and aimless and miss my sister. I wish I had my time with her over again. I can't focus on the big project I have in my life and I'm still crying for her.
Take your time to grieve. It doesn't happen overnight and there are going to be many days and nights of tears. My mother died Easter Sunday. In the beginning I didn't know how I was going to cope. I wanted to die myself.
But as time has passed, I feel that she is close to me. She died in her sleep so there wasn't that time that you think you should have to say all of the important things that you want to say. So I talk to her and I know that she is there for me. Her memory is so important and keeping her in my thoughts is important.
Your sister is there. You may not see her, but she is right there with you every day and in every thing you do. She watches over you and your family when you are too busy and she helps you in ways you may not understand yet.
I am sorry for the loss of your sister. I also lost my sister. She passed away June 7, 2007. It was sudden. She died of septic shock. I didn't know that she had a minor procedure done in the Dr.'s office, and about 2 weeks later she ended up in the hospital with septic shock. (the procedure site got infected and spread throughout her body). I don't live in the same state as my sister did. I got the call telling me she was sick; I made arrangements to leave the next morning to see her, and 5 hours later I got another call telling me that she had passed.
It is still hard for me to come to terms that she is gone. I went to her funeral and saw her laying there, but it just doesn't seem real.
I have been through many deaths, and I know it gets easier with time, but that still doesn't help for now.
I have lost a son, grandparents, and an uncle. I know there is no time limit to grief, and there is no wrong feelings. So please give yourself time and space. If you need to write her a letter, and cry while you are writing it, go right ahead.
I have done that many times, and sometimes it does help.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I am moved by your words and sorry for your loss.
I lost my brother five years ago. It was sudden and it became clear after his death that he had been in a difficult and troubled state of mind. There are so many questions and doubts to work through. I still cry for Phillip and wonder how different things might be if he was still with us. It's a quieter grief now and I think I will always cry, at times.
It is clear from your words that you loved your sister very much and wanted to help her. I agree with Psimer and aimee72 that it is important to take time grieve and also that whatever troubled thoughts we have are ok.
I also think that we need to do what we can to make our environment as conducive to healing as possible. A good friend can make so much difference.
I lost my sister too on August 13 suddenly and I am still crying everday. Lost me dad last July 06, my step mom Feb 27 and now this. I feel extremely depressed. There is something different about losing a sibling so young. I understand what you are going through.