The year date of my ex-husbands Murder is day after tomorrow. I am just wanting to fade away myself, Ive been self-medicating, I just want to numb it all out. I want to die, I can take it anymore. any of it. I just want the memories and pain to be gone, plez tell me it gets better.
Why are you not in grief therapy? There are also groups for people who have lost loved ones to murder. You have to get the pain out. Self medicating is not the way to go. It doesn't help. It just pushed the pain down further.
Please talk to a therapist. Your ex would never have wanted you to feel like this and live this way. I know that it's hard. But if you don't take control, the pain will control you and you will never heal.
I have a problem with God over the last year. If htere is one hing I can say about my ex is he did go to church 3 times a week. He tried his hardestr to bring others down Gods path. He was a child of God, and he got murdered. Why would God do this, know how good of a man he had become, hoe much we needed him.
You never know what God's plan is for you. But everything happens for a reason. I believe that completely. My sister and I just happened to go home over Easter weekend. Normally we didn't. My mom died sometime during the night. Is that a coincidence or was it God's plan so that my father wasn't alone when she died?
There are plans that are far beyond are understanding. Maybe his murder is going to chance the life of someone else and bring them to God. Who knows. But you have to believe that there was a reason for this.
Im trying, except therapy is soooo how do you say it, its all the same crap. Ive had depression for 20 years that they keep telling me I will grow out of, yeah, ok, Ive stopped believing, in just about everything, but love, because my hubby does love, no mmatter how I am.