Just the fact that u were were (are?) so upset that u MAY have hurt your friend shows u are truly a good, good friend. And esp when u did nothing wrong!
I would have done ANYTHING for freinds to show up, to materialize, after my brother died. ANYTHING. But not one single person came over.... noone called save one I think. I am a "likes to be alone" kind of person by nature but never in my life had I ever experienced such a tremendous and shocking (and also tramautic) loss.
That u cared and u went over to your friends to see if she needed or wanted help or even just a BODY there to be with u, speaks voumes. Please dont beat yourself up! You did the right thing! It just seems your friend was not ready to see anyone, period, and that that had nothing whatever to do with u. You sound like a wonderful, caring, sensitive person and friend and God bless you.
The reality is that these people find it too difficult to know what to say and don't have the courage to risk saying or doing the wrong thing when connecting with their friend's loss. I think this can be very hurtful and selfish. I feel it's much better to reach out so people know you're there for them, even if your support is not yet needed. All I wanted was for people to behave normally with me and to be comfortable when I talked about my memories and feelings. Friends like you are precious indeed.
I AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!
I'm still shattered two (2) plus years later, after I Lost my brother. Not only or because he actually died, but because the friends and people I thought I had in my life at that time were not there for me. I went thru hell on earth totally by myself, because people either didnt care, or did but were so selfish and afraid of attempting to deal with such a horrible situation, or selfish to be so concerned with what to say, or, didnt really care so much after all.... Irregardless, the harm and hurt to me was very very deep and I dont think I will ever recover all the way. I lost what little trust or faith I had in human beings. Esp after I poured so much into others in life who had been hurt or lost a loved one, etc. WHen it was my time of great, great need, I got totally shortchanged. It made me re-think everything.
Peace to you,