I lost my Beloved Mom to cancer on March 7, 2007, then my Sensitive Dad died one week later almost to the hour from a broken heart on March 14,2007. I had just started to heal from losing my Grandmother, my father-in-law, my Aunt, my Uncle and my two cousins, all in 2003(all on my Mom's side except the Father-in-law)I do not really know what to say except I am very lost, floating around in this world of grief and sadness. I am always tired, never leave the house and not really sure if I will make it. I do not sleep well and wake up nightly crying or so sad I cannot go back to sleep. Like tonight. I have been up since 3am crying. Just when I think i am getting better, I end up 4 times worse. Like 1 step forward 4 steps back. I have a caring husband and thoughtful children, who try very hard to help. They just do not understand. Its so very strange to be in a world where your parents are gone in one week and you will never be with them again on earth. I just cannot escape these feelings of loneliness and abandonement. I keep a daily journal of my feelings which seems to help a little. I know my life will never be the same and I keep looking for that Open Door but have yet to find it or any resemblance of it.
I am so sorry for your loss. There isn't anything I can say to make it better for you except to say I have been there and it is now two years later and I am better. Allow yourself to go through the stages of of grief/loss...your journey is yours and only you know what you feel like. Keeping a journal is excellent and you might add to that some books on things like Death and Dying or other self help books. Or make yourself a little area (in or out of your home) of your very own where you can go to every day look at their pictures, 'talk' to them and remember the good times. Good luck to you.
I am so sorry for your losses, as I am dealing with almost the same thing. however, not to the great extent of your sorrow.
Please don't be offended, but it really sounds like you're dealing with depression because of all of the loss and sorrow in your life. Sometimes, you can shake it on your own with journaling and things that were mentioned above, but sometimes it's just too overwhelming. I know it feels like it's easier to just block it out and not acknowledge it, hoping it'll go away and you'll bounce back. It sounds like you might need to talk to a professional, to vent your feelings, and put it into perspective, and help you move onto the next step in the grieving process.