Originally Posted by mmmcoffee
Yesterday my husband mentioned something about how my brother has become since his wife died (2 yrs ago, she was 37). It seems like he has no tact anymore, or just doesn't really care. Unless it concerns his kids or himself, it's like he doesn't give a cr*p. My hubby also mentioned that I've been like that since Mom died. Kind of like "yeah, whatever" attitude. I don't seem to take care of 'stuff' like I used to....meaning housework, pet care, like not much interest in stuff sometimes.
I still do the housework, running kids to school activities and working, but I could care less if I were to lose my job tomorrow. It's like i'm just waiting for the boss to say something, anything to me so I can find an excuse to quit. It's almost like not much pleasure in things alot of the times.
My question is .....Has anyone else experieced the "don't give a sh-t" attitude? Not towards EVERYTHING. I care immensley about my family---kids, husband and my Dad---but don't really worry about or care about anything else. Is that (or a similar attitude) part of the greiving process? I've never lost a Mom before. Never had someone SOOOO close to me die.
Yes, it is very normal and can last for quite some time, depending how long it will take you to overcome your grieving. Lean to let go, cry scream whatever healthy way might help you..... but keep paret of your rationality present if you have young children. (they do suffer also and often we tend to ingore their griving as ours seems more important.....)
I dont mean to be mean to anyone but death is something I started facing at age 5 and almost every year or second year a family member or close friend would go to heaven.... and have had time to give it some thoughts through my long years passed here.
Some find something positive and kick out of 'numb-dont give a s'''t' and else reaction where for others it can last years (abnormal and should seek help if it lasts that long) or develop negative. destructive. or disruptive reactions (also needing help).
My dauther in law lost her father who was closer to her than her mother and has this 'dont give a darn' attitude towards things-people she used to care for, her brother still has it undwelt the loss 5 years later, same for her. Still they both refuse to admit their resentment and unresolve feelings about their loss. He as a special man in his own way.
It is a normal reaction and each must find a healthy way to come out of it, each in its due time but when time last too long or develop unhealthy attitudes then its time to look for outter help instead of doing the bottling up.... or pursuing the 'dont give a darn about ....' your loss is recent yet already your husband is worried ...... for you and see a repetition, pattern of your own brother's doings..... underlying message on his part..... I'd give it some thoughts and discussi it openly with him and ask his support and comprendsion yet listen to him ...... he sees things more clearly than you do at this time..... dont refrain your pain but be more aware....
True enough that they were not given the 'right' nor 'time' to grief having to do all on their own, mother being a zombie for 2 years from his death.... and left them both (the kids) marked deeply....
I understand your doing all for your Dad my dear but do not forget that your family might also ressent from your not being fully present at home.... how old are your kids? If your husband has brought it up to your attention I'd believe that he is worried about how you are reacting-acting yourself.
If you feel like it could do you some good, there are mourning group both online and offline and therapist-psicolog there for you.... reach out if you need to.... but dont close yourself and do not go into denial of some changes taking place.
In first person you suffer but your loved ones do also from the loss of grandma and worry about their 'mom'.........
sending you thoughts of wisdom and lots more thoughts of inner peace.
you'llnever forget her hun and keep her alive sharing with your family, kids etc.... photos and best moments shared together so that for them too she will somehow remain a present part of their life.