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Old 12-01-2007, 08:59 PM   #1
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Unhappy I miss my dad

I miss my dad, and I don't know who to tell... I guess I dont wanna tell anyone in real life, coz I dont want anyone see me cry... I just wanna stop working, stay in bed and have a good cry, but I can't, I have got an accessment on Tues, and I haven't even done half of the work I am supposed to have finished... Mr. A is being annoying, I haven't seen him for weeks now, and I am not even answering his calls, of cause he wonders wht's going on, but whenever I wanna share my feeling to him, he won't listen... now we have got to a stage where he wants me more than I want him...

A lot of memories are coming back, all the bad and upsetting memories... I dont need them, at least not for now... I just need a bit more energy to get through another week, but it is clearly not happening... if daddy was still alive, I am sure he would say something like "Kid, don't worry, if you can't do it, then take a break, carry on when you feel ready..." But now, no one is gonna say this to me, not even my mum, of cause she wants me to be happy and well, but she just has no idea how hard is it for me to get through each day. She thinks I am doing something I relly love, so I should be greatful and should have no reason to complain, then shall carry on. I dont wanna feel this way, but I can't control it, and she just simply doesnt understand... if daddy was still alive, both mum and I would be much happier... for sure...

 
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Old 12-02-2007, 12:01 AM   #2
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Re: I miss my dad

Quote:
if daddy was still alive, both mum and I would be much happier... for sure...
Oh Extra! I know I don't post to you very often, but your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you're missing you dad so much right now, and going through such a rough time. I really am. I don't have any words of comfort or advice, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry! I hope this week goes okay for you...and I hope you start to feel better soon.
Amber

 
Old 12-02-2007, 03:27 AM   #3
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Re: I miss my dad

My heart goes out to you........ (((((((hugs))))))))
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We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

 
Old 12-02-2007, 08:53 AM   #4
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Re: I miss my dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by ExTra111 View Post
I just wanna stop working, stay in bed and have a good cry, but I can't

Mr. A is being annoying, whenever I wanna share my feeling to him, he won't listen...

A lot of memories are coming back, all the bad and upsetting memories... I dont need them, at least not for now... I just need a bit more energy to get through another week, but it is clearly not happening...

I dont wanna feel this way, but I can't control it,
Hi Extra, so do you think if you let yourself cry and feel all of these things that it will overwhelm you and then you won't be able to function?

Yeh, if Mr. A won't listen to you I don't think that he sounds good for you.

 
Old 12-02-2007, 09:15 AM   #5
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Re: I miss my dad

I hate my mum, I really do, I wish I never need to deal with her again, she alwas think I am self fish, and only thin about myself... and dont care about others... she never tries to understand how hard is it for me to go through my days... she won't let me stop, all she does is to push me, push me and push me... she keeps talking about what shall I do when I finsih uni, where shal lI stay etc. has she ever thought about if she keeps doing it, she might lose her daughter very soon. I really dunno how much longer can I stand her... and the worst thing is, she is coming over in a couple of weeks time, I told her not to coz I won't have time for her, then she would start saying how self fish I am, and how much I dont care about her, why cant she just think about the whole situation from my side? I know what exactly what she is going to make me do while she stays here, I will have to eat 3 meals a day, I will have to go to bed early, I will have to have a life style that a 10 year old kid would have, coz she thinks this is what I should do... why cant she just get a man and get on with her life? Why cant she just give me some space when I really need it? Why did dad have to lever us behind... I really dont know if I hate my dad too, coz if he was still alive, at least mum would have someone to keep her company... and I dont have to be the one who be annoyed...

Sorry, I just had a flight with her over the phone, I think she is the one who have problems, not me... and right now, I cant work... but I need to... time is really running out... why does she always call me when I want to be left alone? And why every time I tell her I am busy, she would think I am just being plain rude to her?? I aint 10 anymore, my 'homework' takes forever to finish, they are no longer 2 pages of workbook or whatever that can be done within the hour... i have grown up, why cant she?

 
Old 12-03-2007, 05:07 PM   #6
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Re: I miss my dad

Hey Extra, it sounds to me like both you and your mom are in a lot of pain, but just deal with it differently. You're dealing with it by keeping it inside, while she deals with it by trying to hold on to you for dear life. She needs you and I'm sure part of you needs her. Your family is in pain right now Extra. I'm sure it feels like less of a family with your dad gone but your family still exists and so does he, just not in the way he used to. Cry it out, miss him every day for the rest of your life, it's ok to do that. Remember his words to you and keep them in your heart but don;t push your mum away. She needs you now too. Spend some time with her and talk about him, cry about him, miss him and love him. You don've ever have to let him go. He was your dad and apparently a very good one. He can still be a big part of your life, only you have to invite the memories to be there and still move on. Your mom will move on too but right now you're both in too much pain. My grandmother passed away 2 years ago. She raised me and I never imagined my life without her. I still wonder sometimes is she really gone but I know she is. This year I decided I would adopt a family for Christmas who has fallen on difficult times. I am making Christmas for them in her name. I plan to share a little bit about who she was with them so they will know her to. In that way, her memory lives on. Find a way to keep your fathers memory alive and don;t abandon the parent you still have. Tell her what you need and I'm sure she'll be there for you. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. Let her know you understand her pain, but that you need to deal with yours too.

It's got to be so hard losing your dad, but you were blessed to have had him.
Take care Extra and I hope you feel better soon,

simplyj

 
Old 12-04-2007, 09:36 AM   #7
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Re: I miss my dad

Dearest Extra....
I am so sorry you are going through this....I think missing your dad has alot to do with how you're feeling these days....
I agree with the previous poster that you should not shut your mom out. Remember she went through a big loss as well. I can tell you honestly hon, that if I lost my husband I would cling to my son, I think it would be only natural. But I know at some point she needs to give you space as well, so try and find a balance somewhere. I know she wants you to do well, but that is normal for a parent to want their child be do well and be happy. They can push too hard some times and that can become a lot of pressure. Try talking to her about it if you can...do you guys have a good relationship that way where you can talk?
Hugs, I hope you're doing okay...
Carsam

 
Old 12-04-2007, 03:44 PM   #8
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Re: I miss my dad

hello everyone, thank you... I mean it... without you guys, I wouldn't have made it through... 12 years, it's a long time, huh? I honestly thought I really got over my lost, but no, I just never had a proper chance to actually face it... and I guess now it the time... although it's arriving at a very very bad timing... and I am still not doing well, in fact, I feel worse each day. I dont if I amm being too sensetive or what, I feel like some people are trying to keep a distance from me, I dont know if they are real busy or becoz I have admitted to the whole of my year that I am not mentally healthy (I have to bcoz this is what my project is about this year)... I just feel more and more anxious everyday...

About my mum? She is never gonna chance, there are a lot of other things that I cannot really tell you guys, not that I dont want to, I dont mind, but I just dont know where and how to start... yes, indeed, I always say and know my mum has always been having a rather bitter life, this is why no matter how much or how hard people tell me to no take my mum's opinions from time to time, I ignore it, coz yes, I am the only thing that she has got left and the only person she can really depend on... this is why I feel the resposibility, and I am willing and indeed more than happy to take care of her forever, but there is one thing, just one thing I really want and having been say to her that she needs to understand, it is that I am a very serious person in what I do, I am very clear what my goals are, and I am willing to give whatever it takes to get the result, but she just doesnt understand that, she thinks when I say I am busy or dont have time to speak to her, it's simply bcoz I dont like her... it's not, and it will never be like that... I have on idea where she got this impression from...

About my dad, yes, we were close, and I sure did love him, but I am really not sure about if I was right or not, the reason that I wish he was still be around is mainly because I know that way mum would have someone to depend on rather than me, so I get to get me with my own life (maybe mum is right, I am selfish after all), then older I get, the more I understand how dad used to treat mum, and how selfish he was to my mum... I don't know, I guess the a lot of not knowing is the most annoying for me...

deleted



she really thinks I am taking a ****, she thinks I have a kind of weird hobbie of going to my doc for fun, she doesnt even know that fact that I am seeing Tracy. She wants to care about me, but she refuses again, again and again to want to know details about what is actually going on in my life...


Thanks for reading...

ExTra

Last edited by Administrator; 12-08-2007 at 06:03 PM. Reason: disallowed subject: read the rules

 
Old 12-04-2007, 07:50 PM   #9
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Re: I miss my dad

Hi Extra...
I can tell you my friend that I've had tons of experience with the "mother" issues and the responsibility of worrying about them. If you want to share more about your mom, I'd be happy to listen.
In the meantime, as much as your mom needs you in your life, you need to find a balance, and you need to live your own life. You said yourself, you have very clear goals.....that's good. Stick with them, when you can spend time with your mom, do it, and when you are not able to, tell her. She needs to understand that, and if she doesnt, you just have to move on. I know it's hard, but she'll get over it.

deleted


live your own life, and when there are things that she is unhappy about, just let them be. Because sometimes, we parents have a difficult time letting go, and you need to move past that. She will always love you, you will always be her daughter. Just because you live your life, does not mean you dont love her as well. It's about balance.....be true to yourself, and in doing so, you wont become bitter towards her for manipulating you.
Just my thoughts, based on experience....
Hang in there....
Carsam

Last edited by Administrator; 12-08-2007 at 06:05 PM. Reason: leave other members out of your posts

 
Old 12-04-2007, 08:01 PM   #10
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Re: I miss my dad

I'm very sorry for your loss.

That is a fear of mine too, losing my dad, I know it would be so hard not only on me but the rest of the family. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this.

Remember what you said your dad would tell you. Take his advice, do it for him. Take some time off and deal with your feelings. Not only will you feel better for yourself, you'll feel better knowing you're doing something for your dad.

 
Old 12-06-2007, 04:54 PM   #11
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Re: I miss my dad

Hey guys, my mum s gonna visit me for 2 months, she is arriving in exactly 2 weeks time... and my anxiety increases everyday. I do wanna see her, coz I do miss her, but I knwo we are just gonna turn into some ongoing battle. And not just I dont have time for it, I also dont need it, I dont need anything else to make me feel even worse than I am now... For the next 2 months while she is here, I have to pretend happy, eat well, even if I dont wanna eat, I have to... nevermind I might feel sick after. I also have to 'sleep weel', ever if I cant sleep, I better jump into my bed after mid night, even with my eyes open... I am 21 not 12... but yes, this is my mum. Like today, I called her, I have no idea how she started moaning about me not caring abotu her... for god sake, give me a break... I had my presentation on Tues, so I hardly had any sleep before that, and I felt sick after that, so it is understandable I hadnt called her for a few days... she could always call me... but sometimes she doesnt on a purpose, so when I call her, she could have a reason to moan about me not loving her...

Abotu uni, I really shoudl have taken a year off, but it's too late now... and I have actually come up with a very good idea... tho I have no idea how am I gonna do it and not sure if I will be fit enough to complete it... but it's too latew, it;s far too late to take time off...

 
Old 12-06-2007, 05:08 PM   #12
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Re: I miss my dad

Hi Extra....

I have been avoiding this thread, because of the title.....

My Dad died when I was 18.....that was a very long time ago, and I will never get over it.

You were talking about how your mum moaning about how you don't call her, and don't care about her......

My Grandmother used to call my Mom to tell her she wasn't speaking to her, if Mom went too long without calling.

I had the same type of problem with my Mom. I finally had to tell her, that I couldn't devote 24/7 to her. She understood...after a while.

Lil

 
Old 12-07-2007, 06:28 AM   #13
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Re: I miss my dad

Hi Extra, maybe you can take this time with your mum to set some boundaries and to learn to quit playing this game. You don't have to change yourself to make her happy. If you can learn to quit doing this with your mum it will make huge improvements through-out your whole life. You have to be real with yourself and quit playing these games with your mum. If she cannot understand this, it is her problem, not yours. Don't take on her problems. She can be responsible for her own choices and beliefs. Draw that boundary. You are you and she is herself. You are two seperate people. Don't blur and overlap those boundaries.

Last edited by Sannah; 12-07-2007 at 06:28 AM.

 
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