| | dealing with a death
I miss my best friend, she was more like a second mother to me but we were happy together. She called me son, I called her mom and we talked everyday for atleast 4 hours or more which was more than I talked to my hole family. The last time I was put in the hospital she did not know but as soon as I got out I got on the computer to email her. As soon as I loged on I got a instant message asking if I knew her and knew what happend. I replyed yes I know her and asked what happend, I found out that I was talking to her mother which told me that she killed herself three days before I got out of the hospital. I did not believe it till halloween day when I got an email, it was a picture of the obitchuary with her on it. She killed herself at the young age of 29. At first I was made that this lady that claimed to be her mother that lied to me about her death, when I got the email I felt everything but happy. I still feel more than sad that she killed herself, I am mad at myself for not being there for her, I feel alone again with no one I can talk to, I feel like it should have been me and not her to die, I feel like it's my fault she killed herself, I hate myself for it, My parents don't even understand (they said if she was a friend she would not have killed herself so get over it), All I want to feel is numb. I'm scared because out of all the times I felt suicidal and the suicidal attemps she was there to help me throw all of them, now I have no one, nothing. GOD, why... why.... why did you talk her from me, did I do something wrong, do you not love me, do you hate me that much. If so whats next??? You must hate me because everytime something good happens to me you take it away or worse...
As for my parents mom is overbearing but demands more than what any normal human can do plus we get into verbal fights. As for my dad he is never home and when he is he demands more than a superperson can do, we get into alot of verbal fights, plus it is hard to stay on his good side because he is always mad for some reason. So normally I lock myself in my room or go out to work. As for how my parents look at me if I am not dieing I'm not sick, They have no dam clue on how I feel let alone how hard it is for me to make it from day to day.
Last edited by Administrator; 12-08-2007 at 05:28 PM.