The ceremony is over, what now?
Here's my story. In 1998, my child sweetheart and husband of 25 years died while taking a walk. I was 45. I suffered terribly for 2 years, then decided to live again. I met, quite unexpectedly, a man 17 years older than myself. Ken and I clicked almost immediately, became inseparable, and married in 2002. He was my forever love, my soulmate. We enjoyed 5 wonderful years of marriage-travelled, started a small business; I retired early from teaching to be with him, and we were together 24/7. Then, in the summer of 2007, Ken started feeling poorly, lost his appetite and 35 lbs. I brought him to the hospital when he was becoming dehydrated. The diagnosis was stage IV lung cancer, metasticized to his rib and knee. He was in the hospital for 7 1/2 weeks, and I stayed with him every night and most of every day. There were a rash of unrelated problems-bowel obstructions, stents in veins, pacemaker implantation, etc. But the cancer got worse quickly and he died Dec. 6 at home after less than 24 hours of hospice care. My life is destroyed. I can't see a future. I feel like I have lost myself, not just my husband. I've been through this before, so you'd think I'd be a pro, but it's different this time. He was my life, and I can never love like that again. He was cremated and we had the memorial ceremony last Saturday. It was beautiful, but I feel lost, floundering. I am not a "group" person, so I can't see myself in a support group. Please, tell me how to survive.