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Old 01-18-2008, 08:15 PM   #1
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It doesn't get easier

Last July 27th, My good friend and roommate drowned while on a white water rafting trip in West Virginia... A trip that I was supposed to go on but bailed on a week or so ahead of time... I have dealt with it about as well as I could imagine but this past week has been ridiculously hard and I'm not sure why... I'm still living in his condo helping out his parents while they try to sell it so that could be a reason but in actuality, I feel like that helps more than it hurts..

I Haven't slept more than 2 hours in any given night for the past 10 days or so.. It's on my mind constantly and I'm not sure what triggered it...

I haven't really had a lot of chances to learn to deal with grief in my life (I lost my grandpa last may but it was expected and was the only close person to me to have passed away) Seeing as I'm 28, I've been pretty blessed in that regard...

Thanks for reading : (
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:34 PM   #2
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Re: It doesn't get easier

Are you feeling guilty that you were not there with your friend and are you thinking that if you were there, you could have changed the end result? If you are then you are experiencing a lot of guilt. The reason I ask is my husband is going through the same feelings. We lost his mom last week to a heart attack and he keeps thinking if he was there he could have performed CPR and brought her back. This "what if" thinking makes it very hard to heal.

It sounds as if you cared for your friend a lot and of course, this is extremely difficult for you. It does not seem like it is getting easier but believe me, one day it will. For some of us, it takes longer than others to be able to enjoy life again. The pain will always be there but it does become more bearable.

I hope you have people to talk to if you need that personal support. But keep talking about it. It helps more than you know. I hope you will find the way to healing soon. Hang in there. Let us know how you are doing

 
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:24 AM   #3
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Re: It doesn't get easier

At first yes.... because he didn't actually drowned while rafting, he drowned while swimming the night before after doing a good amount of drinking... It's possible I could have stopped him but Than I realized that there was probably no stopping him, and that it would be much harder right now if I had been down there to witness it all. So that guilt went away fairly quickly.
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Old 01-19-2008, 02:52 PM   #4
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Re: It doesn't get easier

It is good to hear that you are no longer dealing with the "what if's." Sounds like there is something nagging at you in the back of your mind that has not been resolved. Keep talking, it will come out eventually. We are here to listen.

But should you continue to experience difficulty sleeping, please talk to your doctor. Your body will soon rebel if you do not get sufficient sleep.

Take care.

 
Old 01-23-2008, 12:53 AM   #5
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Re: It doesn't get easier

I hope you will feel better. this is a situation you had no control over

 
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