I know it has been a few months for you now, but I have just experienced almost the exact same thing as you did back in July. My whole world collapsed on December 2, 2008 when the the love of my life, my soul mate died in my arms while waiting for paramedics to get to our house. I cannot believe the excruciating pain of being left behind and I know that you are feeling the same thing. I don't wnat to be her on this earth without my Gary. He was my whole world. We did everything together. Love was so easy with him. You didn't have to "work" at it, it was just there for both of us. We both had previous marriages that were extremly hard on us and not at all happy. We both had finally found happiness with each other and now I can't believe it has been taken away from me. If only I could figure a way out of this world so that it would look like an accident. I sit and try to think of ways to end my life without it looking like a sucide. I can't even stand to be in the house anymore. Way too many memories. It was comforting at first, but now it is pure torture to think about everything we did together in this house. If you feel up to it I would love to "talk" to you. I am sooo sorry that you are in the same place as I am. Maybe we can help each other.
I lost my beautiful husband on 17th february 2009 after he spent an awful 9 months in constant pain in hospital. To say i am devestated is an understatement. We have no children so all we had was each other. I am 49 years old and he was 58 years old and we adored each other.
I cannot live like this and keep praying that my life ends soon.
He was my whole reason for being.....i have nothing to keep me going any more. My parents are still alive so i know i must be strong for them but selfishly speaking i cant carry on without him.
Please please someone tell me that the pain subsides
Last edited by markmylove; 04-13-2009 at 07:10 AM.
Oh how I know how you feel. April 15th it will be 4 months since my husband passed away. I know I would not do anyhitng to hurt myself. But do I care if I wake up tomorrow. No I don't. We were only married 7 years and my husband was older tham me I am 46. But he was my life. He really showed me what living was all about. I miss him very much and every day I wish that all this was just a dream. It hurts, it hurts like nothing else I have ever felt. I can tell you that greif counseling helped me understand that all I was feeling was very normal. I went through the local hospice center for group counseling and it will help you to see and meet others feeling the same way. I have decisions that I need to make and they say not to make any decisions that you don't have to make right now. My Mom is still alive, but she has never lost a spouse and I don't think she can even imagine what it is like. She trys to tell me I need to sell our house because that's where all my memories of him are. Well they are not, they are in my heart and they will go where ever I go. I can't tell you that 4 months out I am finished greiving, because I am not. I am better than I was at 2 months, but no way am I over him or don't think about him everyday. I also have been to the doctor, for help to sleep. It's hard but you have to go on. Take things one day at a time. Keep talking to people or no this message board.
showe0005, i could have written your message myself. i can so relate to you.
mark was ten years older than me and we were married for 12 beautiful years.
like you he showed me how to enjoy life. he was the most caring, unselfish being on earth and would not hurt a fly so i really cannot understand how he had to suffer so much pain....so senseless...and he never even made it.
as i write my eyes well with tears and my heart seems to be breaking into a million piecese. just like you my mum has not lost her spouse (my father..nor wud i want her to)and she tells me it gets better but no one knows unless they have been through it. i am finding it very difficult living at home without my precious and am thinking of selling. the area i live in is very quiet but now without mark around it just does not seem right.....i have lost my direction in life and feel life is totally meaningless for me now.
Its hard. like you I live out in the country and there is no one around. He had bought a zero turn mower a couple of years ago. I really had never been on it except to ride it around in the driveway. Well now I have to mow the lawn and its hard to learn how to use it. the first time I cut the grass with it i was so proud of myself until I walked in the house. I looked at his picture and started crying telling him he should be here to use that mower. I miss him so much. He was my life. Like I said its been almost 4 months and I still dont know what direction my life will go from here. I havent went back to work yet. Dont know that I will go back. He worked there also and its hard walking by his office and hes not there. Like I said I dont know what direction I will go with my life. But for now I will take the advice of the greif counselers that I shouldntmake any decisions that I dont have to make. Like selling my house and moving back to Tennessee, which is where all my family lives. He has grown children in Tennessee also. We live in Kentucky, I really love it here and get really sad when I think about leaving it. So for now I will stay here until I know what I should do. Take care and keep in touch
thanks yr reply...i live in malta...a tiny island in the mediterranean but we have quiet areas too
just this morning i went to a bereavement support session and was told i have to reach rock bottom before i can start getting better. Each time i feel i have reached the worst possible it just gets worse...was told keeping my mind occupied and doing stuff is only going to delay the healing process. it is a journey we must go through ourselves one by one. everyone is different and everyone sees it differently. i cried so much i used up a box of tissues....i just feel i am getting worse instead of better and life looks so so bleak.
8 weeks today my life ended when mark's did...only pity is i am still here
Everyone keeps telling me that all I need is time, things will get better, yada, yada, yada. I just want to scream at them to shutup and go away.
I was looking around when I found your thread and wanted to send you a message of support.
I was bereaved 40 years ago, and all I wanted people to say was: 'I'm sorry!' as though they really meant it and leave it at that. Most people did.
One did not. I don't want to trouble you with that, but recently thoughts of this person came to mind, then I met someone else bereaved in similar circumstances to myself. I'm an artist and thinking of the things I wish that past person had said instead of getting it wrong, inspired me to try to be the very opposite. So I volunteered to paint this new person a portrait of the deceased. She says it is a most beautiful portrait, and is comforting her, so maybe some good eventually comes.
Is this relevant to you? I don't know. I believe that you will eventually find your own way, in your own time. God be with you!
~If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come.
~Art is a wound turned into light.
I am sorry and I am really moved to hear your story.
Yet there are a few things for you to do before it is your own turn to go. Don't put the cart before the horse, please.
If you had plans together with your husband, you will only honour both him and the plans if you stick to those plans and try to realize them as best as you can. Possibly you won't be able to do everything without him, but if you can do at least 50%, that's a great thing. He will be grateful to you wherever he finds himself to be right now.
Whether you believe in the existence of a soul or not, it's primarily by accepting his death as a fact and by moving on with your life that you will help his soul to move on, or if you are non-believer, to allow the universe to carry on with its job.
You may want some therapy or counselling to help you in these first months, maybe also something with your body so that you don't forget that your heart is still beating and you must not fail with it.
I don't know your age, but it is never too late to begin new projects and hain a new perspective of life.
Have you written him a letter yet? Tell him in your letter everything you feel. You may need a legal pad. Then, put it away and leave it.
I would greatly urge you take an anti-depressant for a while, but most important, I would urge you to begin to volunteer. It really helps to get your mind off yourself and off your pain. Giving one hour a day or 2 hours on the weekend at a women's shelter or as a child advocate for abused kids will begin to open your heart again. There are people who need you - find them.
I want to say that all of you are strong women. My mother also lost her husband not that long ago..it was sudden. It's best to talk to some one who's been through the loss of a spouse so that you will have a better idea of what to do financially. Adapting to this new lifestyle has been very difficult for her but she is a trooper and handling the loss better than I am.
I, too, lost my husband suddenly on 6/26/09. It was sudden and without warning. He was 49 years old. He took our little dog out for a walk and never came in. My son found him lying face down in the yard from sudden cardiac death. Everything you said was so true. I feel just like you. He was my life. He did everything for us. He was carpenter, mechanic, electrician, plumber, - everything. He loved us so unconditionally and sacrificially. My mom had cancer and died 2 1/2 years ago. He helped me and my dad take care of her during that time. I didn't understand what my dad was going through, but now I do. There is nothing like it in the world. I have grieved for my mom so much, but this is the biggest test of my faith yet. I do trust that God will take care of us, but the loneliness for him is unbearable. We never had another girlfriend/boyfriend. We met when I was 14 and he was 15. We married when I was 19 and he was 20. He was the love of my life.
I just get through the days somehow. I really don't know how I do it. I have three children who need me though. So, we must carry on somehow.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I just lost my wife 4 weeks ago to a very aggressive cancer, 4months from the time it was found to her passing.
She was only 50.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you, right now I am at a loss, I dont know what to do or how to go on. but maybe with talking to others we all can get through this.
once again I am very sorry for your loss.
Rhondamir, thank you for your reply. My doctor told me the exact same thing you did about the hospice grief counseling through our hospital here. She told me I should go there that they are really good. I figure I've got nothing to lose, so I'm going to check on it. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and such, I appreciate it, and I'm sorry for your loss also. Really sucks when the person you thought you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with is gone. The memories are just not enough right now. Wish I could have seen your post earlier and figured out how to communicate with you through email!
you can send a private message by upper right where it said private message. just leand that couple of days ago. take care disney world
I'm so sorry for your loss, Honestly, I don't think the pain ever goes away. My daughter found out that she is pregnant, then 2 weeks later lost her fiance in a car accident. She is having a really hard time with it as well, she said she lost her best friend. She wasn't with him when he died, but she was on the phone with him 10 minutes before he died, they hung up because of all the static, but had she stayed on the phone, she would have heard everything. He died in June of this year. its only been a couple of months. I tried to get her into cousiling, but she won't go, have you tried it? It's good to talk to someone about it, I told her even if she writes a journal everyday, just to get it out . Maybe you could do that, I know no matter what anyone says, it won't ease the pain, but if you want to talk just let me know, I'm a good listener. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband 7 months ago to a heart attack. He had no previous symptoms. I pretty much just function each day. There are better days than others, but no good days for me. I try to think what he would want me to do and I try to continue the best I can. The hardest part for me was being along. Even though I have friends and family around me I have to accept the fact I am alone which is difficult since I married my husband as soon as I graduated from school and have never been alone ( I am now 55). The loss will always be there, like losing an arm, you have your own timeframe for doing things. I have not moved any of his things and don't plan to right now, and don't know if I will. Just take each day at a time, do the best you can. My heart goes out to you.
I feel the same way you do. My husband was 42, and he died from a massive heart attack also. We had the best relationship, that I already know I will NEVER find again. I guess I can't be of much help to you. I just know what you are going through basically in your way. I was doing better before and now it's gotten much worse. I think it's because now I realize that life is over. There is no life anymore. I had hope before I suppose, but now time has passed some and I see nothing there. No hope. I don't know what the answer is, but I sure wish it would just stop. It feels like my chest is caving in everyday and there is nothing to look forward too, or plan on. Everyone thinks I am doing good also... But I am far from that. They just don't get it. ...I wish you the very best and I wish I could help you. I often wonder what the heck I ever did to deserve feeling like this? I accept my husband is gone... but this no life thing is a killer! God bless you and I will pray for you...
Last edited by Pauliesgirl1; 05-31-2010 at 10:41 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to Pauliesgirl1: spaceygal (01-26-2011)
I am new on here. I have to say what I know you have heard a thousand times and it does not do any good whatsoever. But I am truly sorry for your loss. I truly believe that we all have an appointed time to die, but I know that that does not help you either. I have not lost a husband, but I have lost a father and just recently my mother. I know it is not the same, but it is very very painful and grief just hurts so bad. I just wish there were something I could say or do to make you feel better I truly do. I know for me all I do is cry all the time. Yes I go to work but I just have to make myself go through the motions of life. It is truly hard and I am sorry and hope that God gives you comfort in your terrible pain. Again, I am so sorry....By the way I have cats too, and they are a great comfort to be because they are always there for me and love me no matter what.....
Oh how I know how you feel. My husband passed away Dec.2008, and I remember telling my doctor that I didnt think about killing myself but I really didn't care if I woke up the next morning. Well its been a year and a half, and that feeling still creeps up on me. Am I better? I guess taht I am I have made some decisions that I didnt think I would ever be able to make. I still miss him more and more everyday. I dont see my life ever being the same or anywhere close to what we had. I have dated a little, but nothing compares to what we had. Maybe that is the problem, I am looking for what I lost and I will never find that again. I feel for you I know exactly where you are. Just take things one say at a time. deal with it one day at a time.
My husband also passed on april 6 from cancer that he didn't even know he had until 3 weeks before he passed, it was like we were in a dream tornado, and then he was gone, my husband was 60, and we were married 43 years, so I so know what you are talking about, the pain, the hole in your heart, I also went back to work, we have to, or we will just melt away, it makes the days pass, I was also with my husband when the end came, I was hugging him when he drew his last breath, my sons where there also, like you said I also died that afternoon. All we can do is minute by minute, some days I find it a drop easier, and then boom I get into that downward spiral and hard to get back up. Well I pray that we find strength, and peace
I know this doesnt mean much since I'm just a 16 year old girl
But i wanted to tell you that i was just searching werid stuff on google,
Like a normal teenager does on a weekdays & i found this page..
&& i honestly never in life cried as much as i cried reading your post..
My TEARS runn down my face as i kept on reading what you were saying from your husband. My prays are with you & i hope you are doing more
You are a strong person just for going throw something like that, and still having hope not many people have that but god if with you & hes with your husband <3
p.s I think you should become a reading of some sort.