Rhondamir, thank you for your reply. My doctor told me the exact same thing you did about the hospice grief counseling through our hospital here. She told me I should go there that they are really good. I figure I've got nothing to lose, so I'm going to check on it. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and such, I appreciate it, and I'm sorry for your loss also. Really sucks when the person you thought you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with is gone. The memories are just not enough right now. Wish I could have seen your post earlier and figured out how to communicate with you through email!
Annshal, I just read your post, and my heart aches for you too, just as it does for my own self. I wish I had magic words to make it better for all of us, but I just don't, so I'm not even going to try, except to say I truly do understand your pain and wish I could help you.
My heart goes out to anyone who lost their spouse. My husband died suddenly 5 years ago so I only know too well the pain and anguish you are going through. I know how bad some days you wake up and feel. I have worked through the pain and anguish these past 5 years and my 3 children all seem to be doing well. We still all have our moments, but I just take one day at a time, that is all I do. It never is easy when someone leaves us so suddenly. You will be okay, you really will. It takes time to get through this but you will be okay. Stay strong and pray!
My children don't give me meaning and purpose, my God does. I love my children very much but that's not what I live for. True happiness comes from God. My wife and I were raised in the church. I have always believed in God. Through my tragic experience, I developed a deeper relationship with God than I had ever known. I realized through my pain it doesn't matter what happens to me or those around me. I have my God and his promise to me.
I have since remarried and I am happy as ever at the age of 34. Just recently my new wife was diagnosed with early stage cancer at the ripe old age of 30. Some might choose to ask what kind of God would do this to this nice family. Sometimes I do get angry with him and sometimes I cry, but I know he has given me (eternal life) something no one can take away. I cherish every day. Everyday is a gift. I know this life is just the begining.
We don't know why God does what he does. We are his creation. He is so much greater than we are.
you will be ok. i promise you i lost my dad 13 months ago on the 25th he died of a massive heart attack while driving his car an we had big arguements before he left and he never came home...
i no its different because you lost a husband and i lost a dad but my mum lost her husband she was with for 22 years dont let anyone tell you it will get easiler sorry for saying this but i cry still but not as such you dont get over it YOU LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT AND ACCEPT IT
i went through stages like that and am only 17 theres like 7 stages of grief you will get through it i promise keep you head up high
not after a year my dad died i got a spritualist out to our house and she new everything that only i new she was amazing. so dont give up he will always be looking down on you talk to him as normal i no its a bit weird but it helps life goes on hunny sorry but it does. its still early days just think of what he would want you too do he would want you to get on with your life and try and enjoy it am sure you have people you can speak too or just talk to him hes always there hun and never forget that. he might no be here in person but hes here in sprit hayley -x-x-
Last edited by hayleybaby91; 06-26-2008 at 06:32 AM.
Reason: missed a bit off :)
I know it has been a few months for you now, but I have just experienced almost the exact same thing as you did back in July. My whole world collapsed on December 2, 2008 when the the love of my life, my soul mate died in my arms while waiting for paramedics to get to our house. I cannot believe the excruciating pain of being left behind and I know that you are feeling the same thing. I don't wnat to be her on this earth without my Gary. He was my whole world. We did everything together. Love was so easy with him. You didn't have to "work" at it, it was just there for both of us. We both had previous marriages that were extremly hard on us and not at all happy. We both had finally found happiness with each other and now I can't believe it has been taken away from me. If only I could figure a way out of this world so that it would look like an accident. I sit and try to think of ways to end my life without it looking like a sucide. I can't even stand to be in the house anymore. Way too many memories. It was comforting at first, but now it is pure torture to think about everything we did together in this house. If you feel up to it I would love to "talk" to you. I am sooo sorry that you are in the same place as I am. Maybe we can help each other.
I lost my beautiful husband on 17th february 2009 after he spent an awful 9 months in constant pain in hospital. To say i am devestated is an understatement. We have no children so all we had was each other. I am 49 years old and he was 58 years old and we adored each other.
I cannot live like this and keep praying that my life ends soon.
He was my whole reason for being.....i have nothing to keep me going any more. My parents are still alive so i know i must be strong for them but selfishly speaking i cant carry on without him.
Please please someone tell me that the pain subsides
Last edited by markmylove; 04-13-2009 at 08:10 AM.
Oh how I know how you feel. April 15th it will be 4 months since my husband passed away. I know I would not do anyhitng to hurt myself. But do I care if I wake up tomorrow. No I don't. We were only married 7 years and my husband was older tham me I am 46. But he was my life. He really showed me what living was all about. I miss him very much and every day I wish that all this was just a dream. It hurts, it hurts like nothing else I have ever felt. I can tell you that greif counseling helped me understand that all I was feeling was very normal. I went through the local hospice center for group counseling and it will help you to see and meet others feeling the same way. I have decisions that I need to make and they say not to make any decisions that you don't have to make right now. My Mom is still alive, but she has never lost a spouse and I don't think she can even imagine what it is like. She trys to tell me I need to sell our house because that's where all my memories of him are. Well they are not, they are in my heart and they will go where ever I go. I can't tell you that 4 months out I am finished greiving, because I am not. I am better than I was at 2 months, but no way am I over him or don't think about him everyday. I also have been to the doctor, for help to sleep. It's hard but you have to go on. Take things one day at a time. Keep talking to people or no this message board.
showe0005, i could have written your message myself. i can so relate to you.
mark was ten years older than me and we were married for 12 beautiful years.
like you he showed me how to enjoy life. he was the most caring, unselfish being on earth and would not hurt a fly so i really cannot understand how he had to suffer so much pain....so senseless...and he never even made it.
as i write my eyes well with tears and my heart seems to be breaking into a million piecese. just like you my mum has not lost her spouse (my father..nor wud i want her to)and she tells me it gets better but no one knows unless they have been through it. i am finding it very difficult living at home without my precious and am thinking of selling. the area i live in is very quiet but now without mark around it just does not seem right.....i have lost my direction in life and feel life is totally meaningless for me now.
Its hard. like you I live out in the country and there is no one around. He had bought a zero turn mower a couple of years ago. I really had never been on it except to ride it around in the driveway. Well now I have to mow the lawn and its hard to learn how to use it. the first time I cut the grass with it i was so proud of myself until I walked in the house. I looked at his picture and started crying telling him he should be here to use that mower. I miss him so much. He was my life. Like I said its been almost 4 months and I still dont know what direction my life will go from here. I havent went back to work yet. Dont know that I will go back. He worked there also and its hard walking by his office and hes not there. Like I said I dont know what direction I will go with my life. But for now I will take the advice of the greif counselers that I shouldntmake any decisions that I dont have to make. Like selling my house and moving back to Tennessee, which is where all my family lives. He has grown children in Tennessee also. We live in Kentucky, I really love it here and get really sad when I think about leaving it. So for now I will stay here until I know what I should do. Take care and keep in touch
thanks yr reply...i live in malta...a tiny island in the mediterranean but we have quiet areas too
just this morning i went to a bereavement support session and was told i have to reach rock bottom before i can start getting better. Each time i feel i have reached the worst possible it just gets worse...was told keeping my mind occupied and doing stuff is only going to delay the healing process. it is a journey we must go through ourselves one by one. everyone is different and everyone sees it differently. i cried so much i used up a box of tissues....i just feel i am getting worse instead of better and life looks so so bleak.
8 weeks today my life ended when mark's did...only pity is i am still here
Everyone keeps telling me that all I need is time, things will get better, yada, yada, yada. I just want to scream at them to shutup and go away.
I was looking around when I found your thread and wanted to send you a message of support.
I was bereaved 40 years ago, and all I wanted people to say was: 'I'm sorry!' as though they really meant it and leave it at that. Most people did.
One did not. I don't want to trouble you with that, but recently thoughts of this person came to mind, then I met someone else bereaved in similar circumstances to myself. I'm an artist and thinking of the things I wish that past person had said instead of getting it wrong, inspired me to try to be the very opposite. So I volunteered to paint this new person a portrait of the deceased. She says it is a most beautiful portrait, and is comforting her, so maybe some good eventually comes.
Is this relevant to you? I don't know. I believe that you will eventually find your own way, in your own time. God be with you!
~If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come.
~Art is a wound turned into light.
I am sorry and I am really moved to hear your story.
Yet there are a few things for you to do before it is your own turn to go. Don't put the cart before the horse, please.
If you had plans together with your husband, you will only honour both him and the plans if you stick to those plans and try to realize them as best as you can. Possibly you won't be able to do everything without him, but if you can do at least 50%, that's a great thing. He will be grateful to you wherever he finds himself to be right now.
Whether you believe in the existence of a soul or not, it's primarily by accepting his death as a fact and by moving on with your life that you will help his soul to move on, or if you are non-believer, to allow the universe to carry on with its job.
You may want some therapy or counselling to help you in these first months, maybe also something with your body so that you don't forget that your heart is still beating and you must not fail with it.
I don't know your age, but it is never too late to begin new projects and hain a new perspective of life.
Have you written him a letter yet? Tell him in your letter everything you feel. You may need a legal pad. Then, put it away and leave it.
I would greatly urge you take an anti-depressant for a while, but most important, I would urge you to begin to volunteer. It really helps to get your mind off yourself and off your pain. Giving one hour a day or 2 hours on the weekend at a women's shelter or as a child advocate for abused kids will begin to open your heart again. There are people who need you - find them.
I want to say that all of you are strong women. My mother also lost her husband not that long ago..it was sudden. It's best to talk to some one who's been through the loss of a spouse so that you will have a better idea of what to do financially. Adapting to this new lifestyle has been very difficult for her but she is a trooper and handling the loss better than I am.