I, too, lost my husband suddenly on 6/26/09. It was sudden and without warning. He was 49 years old. He took our little dog out for a walk and never came in. My son found him lying face down in the yard from sudden cardiac death. Everything you said was so true. I feel just like you. He was my life. He did everything for us. He was carpenter, mechanic, electrician, plumber, - everything. He loved us so unconditionally and sacrificially. My mom had cancer and died 2 1/2 years ago. He helped me and my dad take care of her during that time. I didn't understand what my dad was going through, but now I do. There is nothing like it in the world. I have grieved for my mom so much, but this is the biggest test of my faith yet. I do trust that God will take care of us, but the loneliness for him is unbearable. We never had another girlfriend/boyfriend. We met when I was 14 and he was 15. We married when I was 19 and he was 20. He was the love of my life.
I just get through the days somehow. I really don't know how I do it. I have three children who need me though. So, we must carry on somehow.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I just lost my wife 4 weeks ago to a very aggressive cancer, 4months from the time it was found to her passing.
She was only 50.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you, right now I am at a loss, I dont know what to do or how to go on. but maybe with talking to others we all can get through this.
once again I am very sorry for your loss.
Rhondamir, thank you for your reply. My doctor told me the exact same thing you did about the hospice grief counseling through our hospital here. She told me I should go there that they are really good. I figure I've got nothing to lose, so I'm going to check on it. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and such, I appreciate it, and I'm sorry for your loss also. Really sucks when the person you thought you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with is gone. The memories are just not enough right now. Wish I could have seen your post earlier and figured out how to communicate with you through email!
you can send a private message by upper right where it said private message. just leand that couple of days ago. take care disney world
I'm so sorry for your loss, Honestly, I don't think the pain ever goes away. My daughter found out that she is pregnant, then 2 weeks later lost her fiance in a car accident. She is having a really hard time with it as well, she said she lost her best friend. She wasn't with him when he died, but she was on the phone with him 10 minutes before he died, they hung up because of all the static, but had she stayed on the phone, she would have heard everything. He died in June of this year. its only been a couple of months. I tried to get her into cousiling, but she won't go, have you tried it? It's good to talk to someone about it, I told her even if she writes a journal everyday, just to get it out . Maybe you could do that, I know no matter what anyone says, it won't ease the pain, but if you want to talk just let me know, I'm a good listener. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband 7 months ago to a heart attack. He had no previous symptoms. I pretty much just function each day. There are better days than others, but no good days for me. I try to think what he would want me to do and I try to continue the best I can. The hardest part for me was being along. Even though I have friends and family around me I have to accept the fact I am alone which is difficult since I married my husband as soon as I graduated from school and have never been alone ( I am now 55). The loss will always be there, like losing an arm, you have your own timeframe for doing things. I have not moved any of his things and don't plan to right now, and don't know if I will. Just take each day at a time, do the best you can. My heart goes out to you.
I feel the same way you do. My husband was 42, and he died from a massive heart attack also. We had the best relationship, that I already know I will NEVER find again. I guess I can't be of much help to you. I just know what you are going through basically in your way. I was doing better before and now it's gotten much worse. I think it's because now I realize that life is over. There is no life anymore. I had hope before I suppose, but now time has passed some and I see nothing there. No hope. I don't know what the answer is, but I sure wish it would just stop. It feels like my chest is caving in everyday and there is nothing to look forward too, or plan on. Everyone thinks I am doing good also... But I am far from that. They just don't get it. ...I wish you the very best and I wish I could help you. I often wonder what the heck I ever did to deserve feeling like this? I accept my husband is gone... but this no life thing is a killer! God bless you and I will pray for you...
Last edited by Pauliesgirl1; 05-31-2010 at 10:41 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to Pauliesgirl1:
I am new on here. I have to say what I know you have heard a thousand times and it does not do any good whatsoever. But I am truly sorry for your loss. I truly believe that we all have an appointed time to die, but I know that that does not help you either. I have not lost a husband, but I have lost a father and just recently my mother. I know it is not the same, but it is very very painful and grief just hurts so bad. I just wish there were something I could say or do to make you feel better I truly do. I know for me all I do is cry all the time. Yes I go to work but I just have to make myself go through the motions of life. It is truly hard and I am sorry and hope that God gives you comfort in your terrible pain. Again, I am so sorry....By the way I have cats too, and they are a great comfort to be because they are always there for me and love me no matter what.....
Oh how I know how you feel. My husband passed away Dec.2008, and I remember telling my doctor that I didnt think about killing myself but I really didn't care if I woke up the next morning. Well its been a year and a half, and that feeling still creeps up on me. Am I better? I guess taht I am I have made some decisions that I didnt think I would ever be able to make. I still miss him more and more everyday. I dont see my life ever being the same or anywhere close to what we had. I have dated a little, but nothing compares to what we had. Maybe that is the problem, I am looking for what I lost and I will never find that again. I feel for you I know exactly where you are. Just take things one say at a time. deal with it one day at a time.
My husband also passed on april 6 from cancer that he didn't even know he had until 3 weeks before he passed, it was like we were in a dream tornado, and then he was gone, my husband was 60, and we were married 43 years, so I so know what you are talking about, the pain, the hole in your heart, I also went back to work, we have to, or we will just melt away, it makes the days pass, I was also with my husband when the end came, I was hugging him when he drew his last breath, my sons where there also, like you said I also died that afternoon. All we can do is minute by minute, some days I find it a drop easier, and then boom I get into that downward spiral and hard to get back up. Well I pray that we find strength, and peace
I know this doesnt mean much since I'm just a 16 year old girl
But i wanted to tell you that i was just searching werid stuff on google,
Like a normal teenager does on a weekdays & i found this page..
&& i honestly never in life cried as much as i cried reading your post..
My TEARS runn down my face as i kept on reading what you were saying from your husband. My prays are with you & i hope you are doing more
You are a strong person just for going throw something like that, and still having hope not many people have that but god if with you & hes with your husband <3
p.s I think you should become a reading of some sort.
I read your story and the same thing happened to me. My husband was 45 and the love of my life also. He died of a heart attack in our living room, I was there with him. He came in and said his chest hurt, it was hot out so he thought he had over done it outside. He laid down and I took his boots off and his shirt, the whole time he was telling me to calm down that he just needed to breath. I insisted on calling 911, he said no at first but then said ok, just let them check me out he said. I called and he was still talking to me then I sent my son outside to stand by the road so the ambulance could find us, I told my husband they were on the way, he said ok and that he was ok, just over heated. I got a fan and put it on him he was still looking at me. Then I went to the door just to see where my son was, I turned away from him for just a second, really just a second, and when i looked back at him he was convulsing and turning blue. He never regained consiousnes again. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I wish I could tell you it will be okay, but I don't know if it will ever be okay! I feel exactly like you do. And yes, everyone thinks I'm doing ok, thats what they want to think. I can tell no one really wants to hear about my pain anymore, but I know its still here. I have never felt pain like this before either, my mom passed away in Feb. and I miss her but it doesn't compare to this. Maybe we could talk or write each through this awful time. I don't have any real family to talk to and like I said evvreyone I know wants me to be ok so I don't even bother telling them I'm not. Please feel free to tell me all your feelings it makes me feel normal that i'm not the only one trying to figure out how to live on when all I want to do is be with my husband. I know this isn't advise on what to do and I'm sorry. I hope you will still let me know how your doing, and maybe you have advise for me!
The following user gives a hug of support to spaceygal:
Doretta, Spaceygal, and anyone else in this situation,
Just to say I feel for you, I really do! And I know what you mean about people who expect you to have 'got better'! We are under pressure to be 'strong', not that there is anything particularly strong about repressing natural feelings out of sight merely because you don't know how to handle them. It looks tidy on the outside, and is a useful defence agsinst harsh outside pressures, but it won't heal you!
What I mean to say is that I know these pressures can be hurtful, but the people giving these responses quite possibly don't have any better answers for their own feelings. If you start to feel guilty that your feelings haven't gone away in some standard length of time, you are not helping yourself at all! So please don't let yourself fall into this trap!
I'm sorry to say that apart from giving you each a big hug because this is going to be especially difficult over Christmas, I can't add anything more beyond the usual advice about counselling, and finding resources for grieving.
Be kind to yourselves!
~If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come.
~Art is a wound turned into light.
Last edited by xanadu2; 12-21-2010 at 01:54 AM.
The Following User Says Thank You to xanadu2 For This Useful Post:
I know about what you are going thru. My husband away about 5 1/2 months ago. It hurts so bad. People try to help. But, all we want is to have our wonderful loving husbands back in our arms. It is very sad and heartbreaking. I love my husband very much. With love.
Yesterday it was two years since I lost my husband. I've found since he died people deal with the death of a spouse in different ways. I knew one lady whose husband died on Friday and already had his things cleaned out on Monday. Speaking for myself, I cry almost everyday. Anything can set it off. He was my best friend. He went to the doctor on Friday and the doctor said everything was fine. The next Thursday he died of an aortic anerism. The death was immediate and there was nothing they could do. I go to work everyday which is the best medicine for me. The weekends are the worse. Or the first time you are sick and he isn't there to take care of you. The best you can do is to take one day at a time and don't think you have to follow what books write when it comes to the grieving process. You have your own. Hugs Robin
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canusa2 (01-16-2011),spaceygal (01-27-2011)