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Old 01-09-2011, 10:19 AM   #46
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I know how you feel. I laugh, but there is no joy. That went when he died. I try to figure out what I did to be punished by taking my best friend from me. I guess I am trying to justify his death. It's been two years and for me it hasn't gotten any better. The first year was pretty much a blur and the second year was the realization he really is gone. Take care and take one day at a time.

 
Old 01-09-2011, 01:53 PM   #47
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Hi Robin,

Thank you for replying, our hearts are broken. I find that people who haven't lost a spouse just don't understand the devastation that we feel. Our hearts are bound togather with saddest and grief.
Joy

 
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Old 01-10-2011, 01:34 AM   #48
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I haven't lost a spouse, but I do empathise! I paint rainbow portraits for bereaved people, not for money, just for therapy, if I can obtain a good photo as a guideline and surprise them with a portrait. They tell me this helps.

But I feel that the emptiness must still be there because adjusting to it is such a mammoth task.
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~If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come.
~Chinese Proverb.

~Art is a wound turned into light.
~George Braque.

 
Old 01-11-2011, 02:40 PM   #49
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by xanadu2 View Post
I haven't lost a spouse, but I do empathise! I paint rainbow portraits for bereaved people, not for money, just for therapy, if I can obtain a good photo as a guideline and surprise them with a portrait. They tell me this helps.

But I feel that the emptiness must still be there because adjusting to it is such a mammoth task.

 
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xanadu2 (03-30-2011)
Old 01-11-2011, 02:43 PM   #50
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Hi everyone,
This is Joy. I am feeling really depressed today. Somedays I am more depressed than others.

Joy

 
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Old 01-16-2011, 09:19 AM   #51
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I lost my husband Nov 09 2010 unexpectedly, due to a heart attack. I am so lost and I too take medication for the pain. I don't know how I go through each day without him. He was my world, I feel like a trap door was opened underneath me that day. I remember screaming when they told me he was gone. I cry every day and try to put on a normal face at work but my heart is so heavy it's hard to smile anymore. I went home to Canada for Christmas but that only made things worse as I watched everyone else enjoy the season. When I see sickly or older people in public all I can think of is why is my big strong husband gone and they're still here? I know this is selfish of me and I can't change what's happened, but I miss him so much I ache. I have no family where I live right now and friends only want to hear about your loss for so long then they start to avoid you. I go to see a grief counselor twice a month and I think it's helping a bit. I just want to feel normal and be who I used to be, the lady who cheered everyone else up and made them laugh. I am so sorry that you too have lost your husband, no one understands your pain unless they've lost a spouse. I lost my mother when I was 15 and the pain I felt then is no where near the pain I feel now.

 
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Old 01-16-2011, 09:36 AM   #52
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Dear Spaceygal, you are normal I lost my spouse Nov 09 2010 to a heart attack also. This is my first time on any kind of support website and reading the stories from other ladies has made me realize that what I'm feeling is normal. HUG I am so sorry for your loss and all that you had to go through.

 
Old 01-16-2011, 02:16 PM   #53
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I lost my husband two years ago, January 8 from a heart anurism. We were just talking the night before how he got a clean bill of health from his doctor. I still am angry, still cry, still wonder why the scum of the earth are allowed to walk around and why our husbands were snatch away from us. My husband and I often spoke about what we would want the other to do when that time came. So we decided we would make sure the grandkids are taken care of and continue on the best I can. Nothing makes me more crazy when I hear couples talk about what a perfect marrage they have. I too had a good marriage, not perfect, but a great marriage anyway. We were best friends. I do not have joy in my life anymore since he is gone. I just know I am alone. Take care all and hugs to all of you.

 
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Old 01-26-2011, 08:35 PM   #54
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I totally understand, I lost my mom in Feb. 2010, and at the time i was so upset and couldn't imagine feeling more upset andd sad, but losing my husband was no comparison, I don't mean that with any disrespect to my mom, but losing Paul was more pain than I have ever felt in my whole life. I have never felt pain like that ever! My whole body hurt, the pain and anquish was far more than i have ever experienced ever!! I dont know if I will ever be at peace with the fact that "god" found it neccasary to take him. I have people tell all the time he's in a better place, and i say to that "bullcrap". He was happy here with me and he knew it would not be to my best interest to leave me herre alone! so how can I beleive that god took him for his best interest!! He always said "You would be lost without me" and he was right, so why didn't "god" know that?? Thats a question I wish someone could answer!!! Please feel free to give me your opinion on that!!!

 
Old 01-26-2011, 08:44 PM   #55
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I love my husband so much! I have a 8X10 picture off him right next to our bed and I kiss him everynight before bed! I sleep and smell his old baseball hat everyday! I a so afraid of forgetting what he smelled like. I have all his clothes still hanging in his closet. I am about to have to move out of the house we were together at and I am scared to death. I feel when I leave I will leave him behind! It is my biggest fear right now. He's been gone since August 11, 2010 and it's almost feb. 2011 and I still don't know how I am ever gonna get throught this move!!, let alone the rest of my life on this earth. Thank you for your story and would like to hear more about how we go on!!!

 
Old 01-30-2011, 09:00 AM   #56
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I know how you feel spaceygal. As I said before, by husband has been gone two years. I think about him all the time. All his things are where they were before he died. There is no timeline when you should do anything concerning your husbands things. If you want to you can and if you don't want to don't. I heard "He is in a better place" more times than I want to count. As you said, he was in a good place and that was here with me. I am still mad at God for taking him. I think if we are God's children, what type of father would take away the most important thing to us and hurt us the way we hurt now. No one seems to have an answer for that. But just you let you know I am with you 100%. I cry everyday, some days more than others. And as you do, I do alot of pretending, I must be pretty good because I hear from people, I can't believe how well you are doing. If they only knew. Anyway, all of you, hugs.

 
Old 03-14-2011, 11:56 AM   #57
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

My husband passed 2 1/2 years ago. Our 46th wedding anniversity was yesterday. We met as kids, I was 14, he 17. We dated for almost 4 years and then married. So he was my whole life. He was my strength, I got a very rare illness that could be fatal 16 years ago, my husband was great, he took over so many things for me. I remember him getting up to wash the dishes after supper, something I would never of thought he would do. I still cry, not every day, but often enough. Most are tears of joy when I remember him. We had a very long marriage 43years. I am struggling to cope with every day things, I try to not worry about what may be in the future for me. It would truly push me over the edge. Someday we will meet again. Just a couple of months after he died, I had an after-life communication with him. He appeared to me with his arms as to hug me. I never felt deep love like he was raidiating to me. He looked well, he appeared to be what he looked like in his 30's. Having the wavy hair that he lost years later and appeared strong and at peace. I truly believe in the after life, more now than ever. He is waiting for me. But my time on earth is not finished. The worst of all this is my husband was the strength of our family. He being the only male, with me and the girls. I always felt safe with him. He was my rock. Now, the worst of it is I have to go it alone and that is what pains me the most. I lost my dad a year before him, that loss was nothing to compare to loosing a husband.

 
Old 03-29-2011, 02:35 PM   #58
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Well it has been a little over two years. January 8 it was two years. Some days are better than others. After he died, I was told it gets better as the years go on. But it doesn't. You just keep going. Anyway that's what I do. I went back to work two weeks after he died. My coworkers said how do you do that. I told them, what is my choice? I read there is going to be the time you realize you really are alone. When you family moves on and you are left alone in the house. And I do mean alone. Sometimes, I think it would be better if my time came I would not have to live on like this. But I know, my husband would say to me not to talk so silly. You still have a life out there. I wonder what kind. He was my life. Everything I do is because of him or what he would what me to do. I watched a video one of his friends made of him and my heart still hurts as if it was yesterday.

 
Old 03-29-2011, 02:39 PM   #59
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

I know how you feel. It has been two years for me. There are days I cry all the time and then days I don't. But then there are days it just creeps up on you and you don't know it and you just cry. My son asks me what made me cry. And all I can tell him is it is just something that overwhelmes you and you can't stop it. We were married 37 years. We had a good time together. He made me laugh, he would make the room light up when he came in. But as you believe, I will see him again. And that is what keeps me going. Hugs to you and all of you.

 
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Old 03-29-2011, 05:49 PM   #60
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

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Originally Posted by Donnetta View Post
Two months ago my husband died in my arms at the age of 41 from a massive heart attack. I am so lost without him, I just don't know what to do. He was my best friend, my sweetie, my darling, my everything. Everyone keeps telling me that all I need is time, things will get better, yada, yada, yada. I just want to scream at them to shutup and go away. I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and just stay there. I took off work for a month because I literally could not function. Now I manage to drag myself out of bed each morning, get dressed, go to work, then come home. I have no interest in doing anything that I used to love doing. I don't even turn the TV on and if I do, I really don't even listen to it. I put on a pretty good act I suppose because everyone seems to think I'm fine. I go through the motions every day, but inside I feel like I am dying. The only way I can make it through the day is to take medication. I cry myself to sleep every single night and I wake up crying every morning and sometimes in between. I don't know what a breakdown feels like or is, but I just feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. We had so many plans and did everything together, now I have nothing. Except our cats. Who honestly are just as lost as I am. I try to picture my life down the road, I try to figure out what I'm going to do next, but I just can't even think. I feel like I'm on auto pilot and just do what I have to do and don't really care about the rest. I actually forgot to eat dinner last night. I have never done that before, ever. When does the pain ease up? Or does it? I know my husband is in heaven and he is at peace. But I find no peace. I am so angry and sad. I just don't know how to deal with this. How do you deal with this? Both of my parents are dead, and one of my sisters, but those loses just don't compare with this for some reason. I still grieve for them and miss them but not to the point that I can't function. I am not suicidal, but I just don't care what happens. Does that make any sense? I just want some relief from this pain in my gut. I can't get the pictures and the sounds out of my head from the night he died. I keep thinking I should have been able to do something to save him. I had my hand on his chest as a cradled him in my arms and felt his heart pounding and then it just stopped while I was still on the phone with 911. The whole thing lasted no more than 5 minutes before the paramedics arrived, but it seemed like forever. And I know that will haunt me the rest of my days. How does anyone cope with this kind of thing? How do you get past it and try to live again? I feel like I died right there with him that night.

 
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