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Old 12-04-2011, 01:01 PM   #76
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by pattianne24 View Post
Screim,
Thank-you for the post and all the suggestions that you have given. The first Christmas that I was alone, I didn't get any invites to any events. All of the friends that we had were my husbands friends and their wives. My kids being nurses had to work the holidays and I understand that they were busy. They are both single moms now and they really have full lives. So, what I do now is nothing for Christmas, maybe go to church but that is it. No more cards, no more tree or putting out the outside lights since I have noone to help me. I just give cash to my girls and let them get what they want. I can't be bothered in trying to find a parking spot and all the rush, rush, rush that is going on in the malls this time of the year. My belief is that Christmas has become such a commercial day, a time to make money is what it seems to be. I see so many unhappy faces, people are running around trying to find this and that in the stores and they are unhappy and tired of it all. I have listened to the comments of people and they all say that it is just a big commercial holiday. To sit down together for a meal as a family is great, when my youngest had Christmas off a couple years ago she made the turkey and stuffing and I made everything else. We sat and had a un rushed dinner and all of us got up together and cleaned up, that is all I want. I just dread the winter, this has been the case ever since I got this rare autoimmune disease, I feel 100% better in the nice weather. But here I am, I can't afford to spend my winters in a nice climate, since my husband passed our/my income was cut over 60%. I have tried to get out of this slump for the past 3 years, no luck, I am lonely and that is why I feel this way. I still miss my husband as much as the day he died, and after spending 47 out of my 64 years with him it is like a big part of me died with him.
Pattianne, My heart goes out to all of those who suffer more at this time of the year because of the loss of a loved one. When I think how my heart breaks for those who suffer I think how much more the baby Jesus suffered at the time of the cross, years later in His life. And, He did it for us that we might have eternal life. And, with that we have the hope of seeing our loved ones again, those in the Lord. I often wonder why it was me that was allowed to live when it seems I have so little to give. I wish I could sit down at your Christmas table and join you in conversation. I bet we would have a lot to talk about even tho we are strangers. I bet we could find a lot of common ground and that we could say at the end of the day that it was good to be together. Let's just say that now and know that we can share our love and that is our gift to each other at this time. Christmas day I expect to be in the hospital recovering from surgery with the hopes of going back to work January 2nd. It may be a stretch but we will see. Hugs

 
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Old 12-05-2011, 04:36 PM   #77
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

SREIM

Again, what a wonderful, heart warming post that you sent to me. Thank you very much. I went to the hospital today about some minor eye surgery, I don't know if I will go ahead with it or not. I was sitting next to a woman and we started to talk. She was widowed at about the same age as me. Yes, there are so many people that are feeling the pain of a lost spouse. I lost 4 family members in 4 years, my dad, my husband a neice and now my sister, all died young except for my dad. The loss of a husband, is a loss that only a person that has been through it can understand. I do believe like you that I will be together again with my husband. I wonder too why it was me left behind. My husband was a strong person. He was there till the day he died for his family of girls, me, his 2 daughters, 3 granddaughters and one grandson. Having him in my life made me feel not only loved but protected and my life was full no matter what bad times we had to face he would always be there and we would work it out together. I only wish that you and I could sit down at the table together and chat, it would mean the world to me. I hope that your surgery goes well. Write me any time, I appreciate your warm thoughts. Thanks again Pat

 
Old 12-05-2011, 08:19 PM   #78
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by pattianne24 View Post
SREIM

Again, what a wonderful, heart warming post that you sent to me. Thank you very much. I went to the hospital today about some minor eye surgery, I don't know if I will go ahead with it or not. I was sitting next to a woman and we started to talk. She was widowed at about the same age as me. Yes, there are so many people that are feeling the pain of a lost spouse. I lost 4 family members in 4 years, my dad, my husband a neice and now my sister, all died young except for my dad. The loss of a husband, is a loss that only a person that has been through it can understand. I do believe like you that I will be together again with my husband. I wonder too why it was me left behind. My husband was a strong person. He was there till the day he died for his family of girls, me, his 2 daughters, 3 granddaughters and one grandson. Having him in my life made me feel not only loved but protected and my life was full no matter what bad times we had to face he would always be there and we would work it out together. I only wish that you and I could sit down at the table together and chat, it would mean the world to me. I hope that your surgery goes well. Write me any time, I appreciate your warm thoughts. Thanks again Pat
Pat, It is nice to make new friends paticularly with similar circumstances in ones life. I guess that is part of what this message board is all about. I found some interesting blogs about my up and coming surgery that filled me in on a lot of the details of what to expect. I will keep you in my prayers as we go through this holiday season...that the loneliness will not get your mind down with depressing thoughts as you think of the "good ole' days" of Christmases past. Love to you, my friend.

 
Old 12-06-2011, 06:31 AM   #79
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by SREIM View Post
Pat, It is nice to make new friends paticularly with similar circumstances in ones life. I guess that is part of what this message board is all about. I found some interesting blogs about my up and coming surgery that filled me in on a lot of the details of what to expect. I will keep you in my prayers as we go through this holiday season...that the loneliness will not get your mind down with depressing thoughts as you think of the "good ole' days" of Christmases past. Love to you, my friend.

 
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Old 12-06-2011, 07:01 AM   #80
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Hello again,
I use the this site and others to look up my health problems too. I hope that your surgery goes well. I have a chronic pain issue with my illness and lately I haven't felt very much pain. This morning woke up to snow, and a sudden change in the weather, it is getting really cold this week. I can feel the pain in my muscle and joints. Again this is why I don't like this time of the year, and we haven't had the sun here in weeks, so dreary. The spring and the sun always come back and I enjoy all the seasons except winter. Thanks again for your kind remarks and yes it is comforting to talk to someone who understands the loss that we have.
Pat

 
Old 12-06-2011, 10:59 AM   #81
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by pattianne24 View Post
Hello again,
I use the this site and others to look up my health problems too. I hope that your surgery goes well. I have a chronic pain issue with my illness and lately I haven't felt very much pain. This morning woke up to snow, and a sudden change in the weather, it is getting really cold this week. I can feel the pain in my muscle and joints. Again this is why I don't like this time of the year, and we haven't had the sun here in weeks, so dreary. The spring and the sun always come back and I enjoy all the seasons except winter. Thanks again for your kind remarks and yes it is comforting to talk to someone who understands the loss that we have.
Pat
Pattianne, it is cold here as well at 10 degrees with snow on the ground. I met my current husband in a state bordering your country and it was very cold with a lot more snow and lower temperatures up there than what we have here in the midwest. I am glad for the warmth of my home and the warmth of friends here on the internet.:

 
Old 12-06-2011, 09:37 PM   #82
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by SREIM View Post


Pattianne, it is cold here as well at 10 degrees with snow on the ground. I met my current husband in a state bordering your country and it was very cold with a lot more snow and lower temperatures up there than what we have here in the midwest. I am glad for the warmth of my home and the warmth of friends here on the internet.:
I am thankful as well for the lovely home that I live in. We both worked for years to get what we have and were looking forward to a nice retirement. Now, with my current circumstances, being unable to work because of serious health issues and being a widow I am having to use our life savings just to get by. Alot of people these days are having a very tough time getting by. But, we just have to take each day as it comes, anything can happen and our lives can be turned upside down. I worked in a large cancer clinic in the radiation treatment dept and learned very early on that life can change suddenly and at that time I had alot of emphathy for our patients but it is impossible to truly understand the of loss of a husband, child or close family member. I have learned to be thankful for the small things in life. The beautiful sunset, the many different birds feeding at our backyard feeders, the spring with its beautiful flowers etc. etc. I enjoy your emails and hope that we can continue to support each other. Take care. Pat

 
Old 12-08-2011, 01:36 PM   #83
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Donetta, I know exactly how you feel. My husband of 41 years died suddenly in May of a brain aneurysm. What you are going through is (unfortunatly) normal and part of the grieving process we must go through. Don't be afraid of the tears, they are necessary. Eventually they will slow down. What I have found helpful is to go to a grief support group like GriefShare. You are not going crazy. I thought so too. I still have a long way to go with my grief process but it is slowly getting better. In the meantime, you have to take care of yourself even though you don't care and can't think of such. I am dreading my first Christmas without my husband, but it is something that has to be done. I also am on medication for this and it has helped. I wish you the best in this journey that no one wants to go on.

 
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Old 12-08-2011, 01:50 PM   #84
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by texasbart View Post
Donetta, I know exactly how you feel. My husband of 41 years died suddenly in May of a brain aneurysm. What you are going through is (unfortunatly) normal and part of the grieving process we must go through. Don't be afraid of the tears, they are necessary. Eventually they will slow down. What I have found helpful is to go to a grief support group like GriefShare. You are not going crazy. I thought so too. I still have a long way to go with my grief process but it is slowly getting better. In the meantime, you have to take care of yourself even though you don't care and can't think of such. I am dreading my first Christmas without my husband, but it is something that has to be done. I also am on medication for this and it has helped. I wish you the best in this journey that no one wants to go on.
To my friend in Texas, I totally agree with your statement. It has been 48 years since I lost my dear husband and it does get easier but one still does not forget. Donetta please hang in there and know that you are not alone and that there is a God who cares and will sustane you til He comes again. Life is not easy but the baby Jesus came into this world to give us Eternal life which your husband is now experiencing.

 
Old 12-08-2011, 05:01 PM   #85
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Quote:
Originally Posted by pattianne24 View Post
Screim,
Thank-you for the post and all the suggestions that you have given. The first Christmas that I was alone, I didn't get any invites to any events. All of the friends that we had were my husbands friends and their wives. My kids being nurses had to work the holidays and I understand that they were busy. They are both single moms now and they really have full lives. So, what I do now is nothing for Christmas, maybe go to church but that is it. No more cards, no more tree or putting out the outside lights since I have noone to help me. I just give cash to my girls and let them get what they want. I can't be bothered in trying to find a parking spot and all the rush, rush, rush that is going on in the malls this time of the year. My belief is that Christmas has become such a commercial day, a time to make money is what it seems to be. I see so many unhappy faces, people are running around trying to find this and that in the stores and they are unhappy and tired of it all. I have listened to the comments of people and they all say that it is just a big commercial holiday. To sit down together for a meal as a family is great, when my youngest had Christmas off a couple years ago she made the turkey and stuffing and I made everything else. We sat and had a un rushed dinner and all of us got up together and cleaned up, that is all I want. I just dread the winter, this has been the case ever since I got this rare autoimmune disease, I feel 100% better in the nice weather. But here I am, I can't afford to spend my winters in a nice climate, since my husband passed our/my income was cut over 60%. I have tried to get out of this slump for the past 3 years, no luck, I am lonely and that is why I feel this way. I still miss my husband as much as the day he died, and after spending 47 out of my 64 years with him it is like a big part of me died with him.
Pattianne, I think I have lost you in my notes so this thread may not be at the right place sorry. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas here with a light dusting of snow and with lights aglow in the windows. I know it is hard for everyone who has suffered a lost of a loved one at this time of the year. As time goes on the deep sorrow gets easier but still one never forgets nor does one want to. I think this is a good time of the year to look back and see where one has come from and where one is going. As my current husband and I have gotten older and with many physical limitations, we decided to reach out and find someone to come live with us for free for the exchange of helping us with things we can not do for our selves. We have found that right person who too has suffered a loss and needed a place to stay. We feel with this arrangement we possibly can live in our home a lot longer as opposed to going to assisted living. It certainly feels good to reach out to others and for others to reach out to us in helping with our needs. Have a Merry Christmas!

 
Old 06-11-2012, 12:28 AM   #86
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Re: It's been 2 months since my husband died

Dear Donnetta, I see that it has been quite awhile since any reply to your last message. Reading your message made my heart go out to you. I lost my best friend and the only person I have ever loved like this at 39 years of age. I kissed him goodbye and several hours later I received a call from him. He passed out at work from a heart attack, that he survived, and had spent the last several hours having stents put in. I rushed to the ICU and he seemed well. His prognosis was good. After many hours by his side I left to go home and shower only to receive a phone call several hours later that I needed to get over there asap. I walked into the ICU and right at that moment my mind shut down. As I rounded the corner there he was, so many people around him while they were in the process of trying to revive him. I could not completely process what was going on. I knew, somewhere deep down, but survival kicked in and shut me down so I could not fully process the situation. I know now, had it not made me numb I would have died right there or shortly after. I'm so sorry you had to feel such utter devastation and loss so early in your lives. I too feel so lost. He was my best friend. We did everything together. We used to always joke about not knowing where I began and he ended. I feel like a walking zombie. All the happiness and life has been drained from me. I just exsist. The first month of his passing, the memories were so fresh. I could rely on them to keep me going. Deep down I just felt it was like a bandage. I knew as more time passed it would be harder. People kept telling me, "Just hang in there it will get better with time". Just like you were told. It has been the opposite. Reality has set in. He is never coming back and memories just don't seem to be enough to pull me from this very dark and lonely place I live in. The pain is so emmense it takes all my energy to make it to the end of the day. I go to work everyday, I smile and carry on. But each morning I wake up with one thought in my head that makes me feel somewhere deep down inside I will not survive very long. Each morning reminds me that yet another day has come where I will never see my him again. As if that's not bad enough, I realize that I have a un-numbered amount of days to be reminded of that very fact. Nothing, and I mean nothing can hurt me in the remainder of my life as the loss of Ed has. I live and wait for the day I too pass away because that is the only way I will never feel this constant pain again. A part of me died also with him that night. I can only hope that somehow, someway you have found some sort of relief from your pain. If not, I truly understand the depth of your loss and heartache.

 
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