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Old 06-04-2008, 09:18 PM   #1
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stillborn baby girl

I am 40 years old and just lost my baby girl while i was 6 months pregnant. I don't know how to deal with this loss. I have a 7 year old adopted daughter and she is the light of my life, but this is the first time i have carried a child to 6 months. My husband and I have been together for 18 years and have been trying ever since then. Tomorrow we will lay our little angel to rest and hopefully this will help me move on with my life. Please help.

 
Old 06-05-2008, 12:43 AM   #2
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Re: stillborn baby girl

hi, my love and heart goes out to you both. have you been able to spend time and hold your wee girl. talk to her tell her she was conceived with love and that she will always be a part of you both. also talk to each other as much as you can and try to remember its not your fault ever. she lived inside you and now she is with God in his lovely garden watching over her earthly family till you meet again.

Last edited by julia; 06-05-2008 at 12:45 AM. Reason: spelling mistake

 
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Old 06-05-2008, 09:14 PM   #3
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Re: stillborn baby girl

Thank you so much for your reply. Your words were of comfort to me at my time of need. Today we laid our angel to rest and I now feel that it was the right thing to do. I still feel an emptiness but am comforted by know that I will meet her again. My husband and I have vowed not to blame each other for our loss but to be positive and only think of positive outcomes. Again I thank you for your kind words.

 
Old 06-08-2008, 12:38 AM   #4
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Re: stillborn baby girl

Quote:
Originally Posted by lini08 View Post
Thank you so much for your reply. Your words were of comfort to me at my time of need. Today we laid our angel to rest and I now feel that it was the right thing to do. I still feel an emptiness but am comforted by know that I will meet her again. My husband and I have vowed not to blame each other for our loss but to be positive and only think of positive outcomes. Again I thank you for your kind words.
Hi lini, I am so very sorry for your loss. I've never had a stillborn, but in April, I did lose my five week old to SUDS.
This is still obviously very, very fresh to you. When my daughter first died, a friend of mine who lost a child a few years ago, said the grief is like labor. Some days are like strong, solid, never ending contractions...but then every once in a while, you get a little break in between. I've noticed that while most my days are in a "contraction" so to speak, she's right. Some days, I can sigh a breath of fresh air, and take the day for what it is, not for what I'd want it to be. (With my baby here) Somedays it's hard to look for the future...hell, somedays are hard getting through the "now". But, from what I've learned, it's all normal, and we will never be the same again. I've heard the whole "you should be over it", and "It's time to move on" speach so many times...but no matter how many times I hear it, it makes no difference. Cause reality is, I'll never be "over it", and I'll never be able to "move on"...I lost a child, and I know that I will be forever changed because of it. One day we'll see and feel some happiness again, but there will be a hole in our hearts big enough to let the sadness seep through, even during those happy times. I'm assuming this is what they call our "New normal". Let yourself go through the motions...deal with your feelings as they come, and don't let anyone push you to be "over it". You lost a baby, and so many hopes and dreams, and what ever you're feeling because of it is okay!
Please take care of yourself...
Again, I'm sorry for your loss. ((hugs))
Amber

 
Old 06-09-2008, 01:00 PM   #5
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Re: stillborn baby girl

Thank you Amber! I am greatful for your thoughts, and you are right, I am not the same person I was before all of this happened. I don't think I will ever forget, but hearing from different experiences really does make me feel comforted. Even though this was a very hard thing to go through, I am so greatful that I had the opportunity to go through the experience of giving birth. My husband and I are again talking about trying again. Is it too early to talk about this?

 
Old 06-09-2008, 02:19 PM   #6
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Re: stillborn baby girl

Hi Lini, I'm glad you are finding some comfort coming here. It seems to help to talk about it with others who have gone through similar situations. I'm not sure how long ago it was that you delivered your little girl...but I would give yourself a couple of months before actively trying. Just to make sure your cycle is back to normal...once your cycle gets back on track, then go for it. You'll know when you're ready. My husband started talking about having another baby about a month ago, and at the time, there was no way in earth that I was going to have another one. Now, I'm feeling a little more at ease about it. I've had to realize that having another baby wouldn't be to try and "replace" Arianna, but replace some of the hopes and dreams that were shattered the day she died. Ari will never be replaced or forgotten, and no one will ever take her place, but I'm starting to realize that it's okay to let myself love again. My husband and I have three other small children, and have more love to give. I'm not sure it's the right time for me yet, but we're getting there. And you will too. If you're feeling ready, and you want another baby...there is no wrong time! Good luck, I hope to talk with you more! (((hugs)))
Amber

 
Old 07-13-2008, 05:28 PM   #7
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Re: stillborn baby girl

I lost my baby, Amy, at 27 weeks. I delivered her. I had a brief moment to hold her. It definetly was the worst period of my life. I lost her Dec. 2002. To this day, I think of her often. She would be going into Kindergarten this year. In fact, I bought an angel charm that Christmas 2002 and still wear it everyday as a special reminder that I do have an angel in Heaven. My husband and I had another child Feb. 2005. It took some time to be ready to try again. We had a hard time concieving once we were ready. But sure enough, we have a happy healthy 3yr old boy.

One note; everyone wanted to treat our situation as just another miscarriage that many women go through. That used to bug me because this is much more that a miscarriage....This is a life, a baby that is lost. I'm very glad to hear that you honored your little angel by laying her to rest. She did come to you and her life was not in vain.

God Bless...Take all the time you need to heal. You will

 
Old 07-17-2008, 01:41 PM   #8
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Re: stillborn baby girl

I am so terribly sorry for your horrific loss. I don't know what to say. Please take care.

 
Old 08-07-2008, 03:58 PM   #9
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Re: stillborn baby girl

Hi I kinda know how you feel. i had my tubes tied when i was 21 after my 2nd child, but then met someone else and was with him for 10 years then we decided to have 1 together my 2 kids wer older. so i got my tubes reversed and we tried for a year finally got pregnant but m/c at 5 weeks, then got pregnant again and m/c at 12 weeks i was so distraught so we waited a bit then tried again and got pregnant this time i was very nervious i had lots of bleeding even hemridging but ultra sounds kept showing everything was fine then at home one night around midnight i started cramping bad so we rushed to the emergency and when i got out of the car i felt the baby coming out i was screaming for them to save my baby they took me in and i delivered her shortly after and held her for about 5 mins then they took her away this was on dec 28th i was only 5 months along but your right it is differnt then a m/c you actually deliver them and hold them in your arms then about 3 months later with ut really trying i got pregnant again and was really scared i thought there is no way i can carry a baby so we prepared for the worse went through alot of the same things with bleeding at 4 months along i was on strict bed rest cause my cervis was already opening and shortening the baby was due jan 16th every week i had ultra sounds then to our surprice i was finally at almost 8 months where i thought ok im safe now but she wanted to stay in so when dec came i started walking around to bring on labour and they had to induce me early cause the fluid was gone this was on dec 30th i had her naturally dec 31t she is now 2 1/2 years old my mom just passed away 11 days ago we only found out she was sick 3 months ago so i told my mom to take care of her grand daughter for me when she gets to heaven

 
Old 09-15-2008, 07:10 PM   #10
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Re: stillborn baby girl

Hello I too have had a stillborn,we have a 9 year old and wanted to give him a baby brother or sister so when he was 1 we started to try.He was 8 when I found out I pregant.After trying for so long we were so happy,everything was going really well I had a scan at 20 weeks and found out we were having another boy.Then 2 days after my scan I woke up and my waters broke,I went to the hospital the midwife did a test to see if my waters had broken and the test said that they hadnt!the babys hart rate was fine so they sent me home.Then the next night I went back to the hospital as I was getting a lot of back pain,I was told by a doctor in the ER that I may have kidney stones to come back in a few days for a scan to see if I did have them.He wouldnt even check the baby.The next day the pains were getting really bad so once again we were back at the hospital,by the time we got there I was in so much pain I couldnt walk my mum went in to get a wheel chair and to tell them what was happening.When they came out to get me the nurse was really rude and told me to stop being silly and get in to the chair!When I was taken in to the ER I was put on a bed and the nurse told me that it was not labour as the pain was in my back not in the frount after about 10 mins I gave birth to our tiny baby.It was and still is the worst day of my life,I was told the reason he was born was because I had a weak cervix and as the dont check the lenght of the cervix in scans that there was no way of knowing it was going to happen.We did lay our beautiful baby to rest 6 days later.I too found that people said that I had a missgarige,but it is nothing like it(i had a missgarige befor I had our first baby)We decided we would try for another baby in 6 months but to our shock I fell pregant 9 weeks after we lost our baby.We now have a 9 week old baby boy,everything went well.So if you do decide to have another baby go for it.My thoughts are with every one that has lost a child.Take care.

 
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