poppy7

Firstly I'd just like to say how sorry I am for your loss. Although I've not been in your position I can appreciate just how much it hurts to lose someone and no matter what people say, you still feel hurt that you've been left behind to deal with life on your own. You don't mention if you have any relatives or friends to talk with about how you feel but please do talk to someone. No-one in the world can tell you just what was in your husbands mind when he took his life and although you mentioned that sometimes you feel you wish you could do the same, please take a minute to think about why you want to do this.
By "talking" about it on here shows to me that it's the last thing you want to do but you just need help with dealing with how you're feeling right now. You were lucky to have as many years together as you did but please don't end your life because of regrets of what you didn't share together. You are valued by more people than you realise and I'm sure they would be sad to know that you're feeling this way. Sometimes we can build a wall around ourselves when dealing with grief and effectively block others out who just want to help. You will feel guilty that you didn't pick up on the signs but don't keep blaming yourself. You are still young and your life is so very precious. Please don't throw it away.
Just take one day at a time, talk when you feel you can and please let someone know just how you feel. If people don't know how you feel then they can't help.
Anyway, I hope you read this and realise that although I'm a stranger to you that there are people out here who do care.
Look after yourself.
(hugs)

Poppy