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Old 11-12-2008, 06:45 PM   #1
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Unhappy Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

It has been 7 weeks since I lost my angel. We had so many future plans together, but now life seems to be fading away into a dark tunnel. I am trying to find the light at the end. But now she flys with the angels up above & beside me always. Everyday that I wake when I look over to the other side of the bed all I see is sadness. I am really numb and asking for guidance to get through another day. Life seems so lost & so empty. I was recently in the hospital for 7 days due to suicidal thoughts of joining my angel in heaven. My stay has given me strength & hope to carry on one day at a time for now. So if anyone has any thoughts, advice or maybe going through a similar experience I'd appreciate it very much. Thanks & God Bless.

 
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Old 11-12-2008, 09:55 PM   #2
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Nina1978 HB User
Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Hi, this is so very hard for me to write because I just want to stay in my corner and hide from the rest of the World. I feel like even though others miss my husband nobody understands me. My husband who I had been with for 10 years and married to since Aug 18th 2001 died very suddendly about a week ago (Nov. 4th) of a very tragic car accident with a garbage truck, 4 blocks from our house on his way to work. We have a 5 year old. We also had trouble getting pregnant so we just finished an IVF cycle. It worked and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I go from being numb to complete melt down. We were not just spouses, but best friends, we did everything together, and family was # 1 to him. Nothing makes since and I hate life right now...it's so dark. I would never hurt myself because of my kids, but I have the hopeless lost feeling. I have no idea how to do this. I don't have any advise, so very sorry.

 
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Old 11-15-2008, 05:35 PM   #3
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Hi, I can honestly say ...I know how you are feeling...I lost my husband on Valentine's day (even though it has been 9 months since this tragic day...it has not been easy) He died suddenly during a routine surgical procedure. He left behind his wife of 22 years and a 15 year old son. I just remember that he was full of life the day before he passed away and was one of the most caring people I have every met. I know that he would want me to continue my life and raise our son in a healthy environment. I guess my best advice is to hold special memories in your heart of the good times and know that she is present in your heart. God Bless!

 
Old 11-22-2008, 04:48 PM   #4
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

shelle1982
My husband of 40 yrs. died May 6,'07. The Holidays are the worst, that is why I came to this site. Maybe together we can get through the hard times. No one understands the pain...hurt...devastation...loneliness, like someone that is right there. I know it takes your breath away at times..and you don't think you can go on...but you can. Our mates want us to live, love, laugh and be happy, untill we are called Home. Our Destination is Heaven.. You are Numb right now, it takes time. In time it will get different. You will get use to your new life, you will find you can laugh again. You can make it, one day at a time...sometimes one minite at a time.

 
Old 11-22-2008, 05:08 PM   #5
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

I lost my husband of 40 yrs. May '07...it is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. It is devastating, it takes your breath away. But it gets different in time. You will laugh again, right now you are numb. The Holidays are the worst. That is why I'm at this site. I need to here from someone that knows how I feel. This life is temporary, our Destination is Heaven. You will get through this and help someone else. One day at a time, some days one minite at a time.

 
Old 11-28-2008, 07:05 AM   #6
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Dear Shelle1982,

the words you wrote could've been quoted from my writings.

You will find you doing strange things. This is a normal process of grieving.

I found that I purposely load up 'his' side of the bed so I wouldn't accidentally roll onto it during the night. I may do jigsaw puzzles and I move the board to his side of the queen bed we shared.

I also hate shopping but found that if I needed a pencil, instead of searching the house for it, I went to a store and bought a box of pencils. I realized that it was my need to be around people (even strangers).

I was angry -- so angry. I wanted the world to stop for a minute or two while I tried to catch a breath. I couldn't understand how someone other than his mother and siblings could hurt like I was or miss him like we did. It was unfair. His family was grieving in their own way so no one was calling to see how I was doing.

I was grieving on the loss of the dreams we had, the wish-list of activities or things we'd do "when the kids graduated", etc. Even with the possibility of dialysis looming over our life, we thought we'd still travel, etc.

You find that you will always grieve. Each day, a little something arises that causes you to realize what you don't have any longer, what you miss. Howeve there is a BUT in the language for a reason -- BUT while you will always miss her, you are still living. Read this after a long time. YOU will find that while certain dreams are over, there will be new ones to take their place. YOU have things you'll want to do. YOU have stuff that you need to do. YOU may not realize it but a lot of people need you or want you. YOU may not even know who they are right now.

Your pain is new and sharp. Over time, it will be less believe me. I just prayed. I prayed the 1st year I was in the fog of grief. I prayed the 2nd year as I struggled to define who I was now, I prayed in the 3rd year to help me understand who I was now as a single-woman, a widow. A new adjective to associate with me. As I move into the 4th year soon, I am defining myself still. However, God also blessed me with a chance to be with someone who is a widower and understands me. He is helping me by being a companion to do things with, see things with and share time with. It doesn't mean I loved my spouse any less. It just shows that God isn't done with me yet and he's not done with you even though now you aren't able to see it or want it.

Please Shelle1982, realize that you are a vital part of life and needed for someone. The knowledge you possess will be needed by someone.

Hang in there. I hope you'll be alright -- take it one day at a time.

 
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Old 12-02-2008, 02:27 AM   #7
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Thanks for sharing your own feelings - it certainly helped me understand my own feelings.

 
Old 12-08-2008, 07:42 PM   #8
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Hi,
I just lost my husband and I am totally lost. I guess you are going thru what I am going thru. I always thought that I would be the first to go since I have a chronic illness and my husband was so healthy. Tragically he drowned on what would have been his last trip to his boat for the season. Noone knows what happened and we may never know. I talked to him on his cell phone and I said I would see him in an hour and that never happened. I feel like tragedy is following me since I also lost my brother 2 months ago. I am saddened just to wake up and getting thru the day with all the paperwork and calls and noone ever saying anything except that the death kit will be in the mail and so on and so forth. I know how you feel because I am feeling the same thing. I am going to a bereavement group because I know I can't do this alone. My heart aches for all the survivors and as someone told me today that we will all go thru the same thing one day.
I am trying to keep busy and next week will return to work.
becky15

 
Old 03-22-2009, 07:56 PM   #9
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shelle1982 View Post
It has been 7 weeks since I lost my angel. We had so many future plans together, but now life seems to be fading away into a dark tunnel. I am trying to find the light at the end. But now she flys with the angels up above & beside me always. Everyday that I wake when I look over to the other side of the bed all I see is sadness. I am really numb and asking for guidance to get through another day. Life seems so lost & so empty. I was recently in the hospital for 7 days due to suicidal thoughts of joining my angel in heaven. My stay has given me strength & hope to carry on one day at a time for now. So if anyone has any thoughts, advice or maybe going through a similar experience I'd appreciate it very much. Thanks & God Bless.
So sorry to hear of your loss. My wife passed 38 months ago. She was killed in a vehicle accident when a truck driver was speeding and ran a red light. She was my soul mate. We knew each other for 30 years. Each day is its own kind of struggle for me. At times the only way to cope is the infamous "one day at a time". The memories I have of our lives together keep me happy and content. I regret that we can not make new memories to share. I often feel her presence around me when I have to make a decision or seek guidance. I am a firm believer that our loved ones watch over us and help us in ways we don't understand. Her spirit lives within me. I wish you hope and peace as you proceed through this grieving process.

 
Old 03-23-2009, 05:19 PM   #10
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becky15 HB User
Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Hi everyone, Haven't written in a while. It is now 4 months and I thought that I was handling things well or at least better than the first few days.. Today, while driving to work I couldn't stop crying for him and what we had together. I almost think I will never get over him and to think I had him next to me for so many years and never thought of a time without him. I am doing and that is all I can say. I read about how it still might be the same after 1, 2 and today someone told me that after 7 years, she still cries. It is not easy.

 
Old 03-23-2009, 08:13 PM   #11
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caringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB User
Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

My husband has been gone for almost 4 years (4/13). There are days when I drive to work crying over a song that just played on the radio. Or a bill comes in unexpectantly and money isn't there OR getting documents together for tax time and feeling that I forgot something or won't do it right and hurt the kids chances of getting more back.

I miss him terribly. I just got an email a few days ago from his graduating class asking if I could put together a memory page of him for the reunion program.

While it broke my heart, it also lifted it because I will forever love talking about my Mikey. How much fun and laughter he brought into our lives. How his love for 50's and 60's doo wopp harmony brought music constantly into our home. The famous and not so famous performers we got the pleasure of watching. The concerts and shows we got to see -- me sitting next to an empty seat because he always managed to be back stage.

He certainly wasn't a saint and I won't put him on a pedestal so high that it'll be difficult for his kids. He was human, he was sweet and he was so kind but he wasn't a serious sort of guy. He was there during two tramatic incidents in my life but most of the time, I was the one to take lead.

So my friend. You will find you will cry, today -- and then maybe not for a few months --

I will keep you in my prayers
CaringSister54

Last edited by caringsister54; 03-23-2009 at 08:15 PM.

 
Old 04-05-2009, 09:50 PM   #12
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

its been 9 days since i lost my everything, my wife. im lost and confused. i dont understand how the world is moving. i have to remind myself to breath. i keep google-ing her name. My children are so afraid and alone, although everyone from friend to family is trying. i feel like i lost a bigger part of myself then what remains. i cant fall to pieces because i have three children. I can hear her speaking to me and guiding me through the hardest parts. Some questions she doesnt answer. im shaking. i'm still waiting for her to come home so we can celebrate our wedding anniversary... i know she wont come. She is a part of me and everything i touch, everything i do, everything i say. I pray. This is the longest moment/day i have ever known. i want to wake up.

 
Old 04-06-2009, 06:12 AM   #13
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Rayramos,
My husband passed away December 15, 2008. It hasn't been 4 months yet, but our anniversary has passed and April the 8th is his birthday. It's hard, very hard. Like you I feel that more of me died with him that is left. I am still trying to figure out how you go on. I haven't convinced myself that I can yet. I know that I have to and I guess I am. But my life is so empty. I joined a group through the local hospice center for people that have lost a spouse. It helped to be around people that know how you feel and are feeling the same things you are feeling. You would be surprized to hear others describe the same things you are feeling. Take one day at a time. At times I have to take one hour at a time. Keep talking to people. You have a long hard road ahead.
Susan

 
Old 04-06-2009, 06:30 PM   #14
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

Hi Everyone,
It is not yet 5 months yet for me. To rayremos, I can only feel for you and say I know how you feel, because I have been there and possibly am still there. But you will go on and there is strength you will find. It will come. The hardest part was looking at my life as one and not believing that he was there to look at it with me. This Saturday will be his birthday and I invited the whole family over to celebrate his memory. My husband died tragically and we were in such shock that now I feel it is a good time to memorialize his life. I am placing a memorial bench with his name and it will be blessed on Saturday with his and my family there. Then we will go back to my house and eat all his favorite foods that we would have for Easter. And that is what I am doing to survive. We all grieve in our own ways but we all have one thing in common and that is time.

 
Old 04-13-2009, 05:07 AM   #15
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Re: Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support.

i am going thru what u are rayremos...i lost my beloved mark on 17th february 2009 and am so devestated...cant eat cant sleep...cant stay in our flat...no kids so our lives revolved around each other....i am LOST .
i cry all the time and just feel so bitter....he was 58 yrs old and spent a horrible and painful 9 months in hospital...suffered for zilch cos he still went. i miss him terribly...no one can understand u as well as someone who has suffered the same loss....

 
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