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Old 12-10-2008, 04:04 PM   #1
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tnt622 HB User
Question How do I live without my husband?

I lost my husband 2 months ago from lukemia that is by far the hardest thing i have been through. we would have been married 4 years on christmas day our boys are 3 and 5.how do i find the strength to live on without the half that completes me. i dont know what to do with myself most of my days are filled with tears,saddness and emptyness.I miss him so much my heart is completely broken what do i do with all of the love and feelings for him? I dont know how to live without him we were supposed to grow old together and raise our boys he left me alone,sad,empty and afraid. what do i do now?

 
Old 12-10-2008, 05:33 PM   #2
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becky15 HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

I know what you are going thru. I feel the same way as you since I lost my husband and soulmate to a tragic drowning 2 weeks ago. He was checking on his boat and something happened which we are still trying to figure out. We were together 23 years. I feel like he should walk in any minute now. I thought I would die first but no such luck. You have 2 beautiful children that you still have to raise and as hard as it seems you have to stay strong and keep their father's memory alive. His memory and life is with them.

 
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Old 12-11-2008, 02:43 AM   #3
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Re: How do I live without my husband?

Hi thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for the tragic lost of your husband. At least you guys shared 23 wonderful years together.People say take it one day at a time and the pain well get easier to bear.I pray thats true for all of us.

 
Old 12-11-2008, 03:08 AM   #4
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cait91 HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

Hey im very sorry to hear about your loss.
Im 17 and I have a 7 year old brother we lost our Mum 2 months ago.
It was so sudden and I have a very hard time going about daily life.
Nothing anyone says will comfort you, no one can ever comprehend the pain and torment you feel. Even words from my family don't help. I have so many questions that only my mum could answer and Im sure your head is full of questions too.
I find it hard to understand how my brother is feeling he is only 7 and asks alot of questions.
Only time can heal. Christmas is going to be very hard for the both of us but I know my mum will be watching over us, the same as your husband will be watching you and giving you strength to smile for your children.
I dont think things do get easier as people say you just find your own way of dealing with it, i constantly think i have seen my mum such as on the bus i'll drive past a woman and have to take a second glance because im sure it was my mum. I dream about my mum every single night and have a memory box with a cardi in that she always used to wear it still hurts too much to look at any of those things but i've kept every single photo and cards she gave me and my brother so i can show him how much of a wonderful person our mum was.
Your husband is with you now whatever you do, he will mark every future decision and step you make.
At the funeral we had leona lewis- run its beautiful song and one line that i liked best was "even if you cannot hear my voice i'll be right beside you dear".
Life is cruel and unfair but your loss can only make you and your family stronger as it has mine.

Remember all the times you shared and don't look on in anger or dismay, look at the bright future you and your children have ahead of you.
Stay strong.


 
Old 12-31-2008, 09:25 AM   #5
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caringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

Dear tnt:

First off, I'm sorry for your loss.

Secondly, I am also a 'widow'. Its an adjective that is still 'new' to hear. I'm not divorced, nor am I married, I'm a widow, wow!, it still hurts.

My husband died of a massive heart attack in my living room 2 1/2 hours after being released from a hospital. This after going through a 3-year decline with Progressive Kidney Failure.

I married this 'boy' (he was 2 1/2 years younger than I), in great love, August of 82. Everyone loved him because he was so loveable. But, I was a whomping 88 lbs soaking wet and he was 250 at the time having just lost 100 lbs when I met him. We had a wonderful romance. Was engaged 9 months after meeting and walked down the aisle exactly 1 1/2 years to the day we met. He was basically morbidly obese for all of his life but that didn't stop us from loving, laughing and loving some more.

8,000+ days later (translation: 22 years, 8 months), he passed away. I have 2 great young-adults with this union.

However . . .

While time does allow one to go on, it doesn't do away with the painful times. There will be times and milestones that will occur especially in the future with the children. For me, it was attending a wedding of a friend and sitting through the father/daughter dance -- it nearly killed me. I cried the entire time and my daughter had to be removed from the room prior to it occurring. I cry for the fact that she won't have that or her father to walk her down the aisle. Being a party-person he was, I know he would've thoroughly enjoyed and relish a 'big' wedding for his princess.

He died 7 weeks before she graduated high school, another milestone. Or two weeks before her prom when she wore a dress, he picked out for her and purchased! What a knockout she was that night but she only was able to stay 1 1/2 hours before I had to get her released from the prom to come home she was so distraught.

But, while I cry and pray for the world to just stop long enough for me to catch my breath -- I will say that I was able to put one foot in front of the other and move on. Its my blessing to him that I am doing as well as can be. I went back to work 3 weeks after his passing and found that it took me a year to get back on track with my brain and the requirements of my job.

My kids being in their 20's, just need an ear and a shoulder. They also just need to know that their mom is still their mom. I try to be. I found that a new adjective got added to me and its something I never was -- depressed. I now suffer bouts of it, accept it, and deal with it. Also, I was such a basket case, crying all the time and feeling like I had no purpose any longer, I did find a grief group through church that helped me realize the strange things I was doing was a normal grieving process. It helped me realize I'm not nuts.

After his passing with the fact that my two were so much older than yours, I went to work, came home from work, and immediately went to bed. I ate in bed! and hardly left it. I slept much of the first year. A friend that lost her husband suddenly at the ages yours are said that it was her kids that helped her through it. She knew she didn't have time to wallow in self-pity and needed to get up, feed, dress, and deal with their needs.

You will get through this. I know you may think that what I wrote may seem funny when I tell you -- BUT after a lot of crying and praying, I met a wonderful man. Kind, considerate, caring, and loving who is also a widower. We've been seeing each other for 19 months now. We can't do anything to blend the families because the kids; his son and my two don't feel the need to meet??? with the internet they know each other from a site they all visit.

I don't look that I'm replacing my wonderful guy, I am living his love again. I didn't know love until he came along and I refused to cheat him or his memory and not work at attaining love again. It doesn't mean I don't have pain of not having him, it doesn't mean that I don't love him enough that he is easily replaced and my kids certainly don't need another Dad, but I could do with love again

 
Old 12-31-2008, 10:29 AM   #6
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JohnMack HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tnt622 View Post
I lost my husband 2 months ago from lukemia that is by far the hardest thing i have been through. we would have been married 4 years on christmas day our boys are 3 and 5.how do i find the strength to live on without the half that completes me. i dont know what to do with myself most of my days are filled with tears,saddness and emptyness.I miss him so much my heart is completely broken what do i do with all of the love and feelings for him? I dont know how to live without him we were supposed to grow old together and raise our boys he left me alone,sad,empty and afraid. what do i do now?

 
Old 12-31-2008, 10:36 AM   #7
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JohnMack HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

When a indivual has travelled the road you are on I can give you good information.I have been married for the last 12yrs and prior to 1996 I had been married 25yrs.I am
hopeful that you are a Christian.I encourage you to attend a local congregation that has
alot of kind individuals with your grief process.God does understand how you feel he also
had a Son named Jesus who has felt all of our losses.Please Read The Book of John if
you have a Bible at this time.My Ist wife died of Cancer in 1996 and she is missed but never Forgotten.As time goe on you might want to consider Scounting for your Son's
in the Future God Bless you at this time

 
Old 01-06-2009, 01:17 PM   #8
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showe0005 HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

I wish I could tell you. I lost my husband 3 weeks ago, I havent been told for sure what they are calling it but I would guess complications from a bone marrow transplant he had in Aug 2008. Like you I do not know how to go ob without him. Hw took part of my heart with him and I dont feel whole. I miss him so much and cry daily. He was such a strong person and never complained about the chemo or the side effects. He was very good at keeping things awa from me. I look back now and see that there was alot of times he really just didnt feel good. I just miss him so very much and will always love him with all my heart.

 
Old 01-12-2009, 09:15 PM   #9
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Re: How do I live without my husband?

people tell me that time heals all wounds i really hope thats true i really dont know what to do every place i go every thing i do reminds me of him and the topper of all is when our 3yr old ask me whers daddy or if we can go to the hospital and get daddy that literally takes the breath out of me.

 
Old 01-12-2009, 10:00 PM   #10
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Re: How do I live without my husband?

Hi carringsister54

Your post gives me hope that i could have some form of happiness in the future right now its hard to imagine a new love because the one i love was perfect for me so when you have had the best of the best the rest seems useless. I am taking care of the boys and myself i cant sit still so i am constantly cleaning,shopping painting etc.and i do have monents of saddness i cry,pray and keep moving.i decided to pack away his things friday and that almost killed me that was hard as the services.

 
Old 01-12-2009, 10:57 PM   #11
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Re: How do I live without my husband?

Hi JohnMack

Thank you for your kind words I do attend church my faith keeps me together when I feel like I am falling apart I do have a bible I will start reading the book of John. I have been thinking about counseling for the boys and myself I have't made up my mind about that yet.

 
Old 02-10-2010, 04:36 AM   #12
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Teri613 HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

I hear from my friends and family that I will be able to go out on dates in the future. I just cannot imagine this.. we built our relationship on trust - it would feel like violating our faithfulness to one another. It has been just less than a year since he died of a massive heart attack. I am still so very sad .. I feel like I am just going thru the motions of existing most times. I know I love living and dont want to give up but I miss him so very much.

 
Old 02-16-2010, 12:26 PM   #13
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sudsspirit HB User
Re: How do I live without my husband?

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife four years ago in a vehicle accident suddenly and unexpectedly. We were married 26 and half years. It still hurts and part of me believes it always will. I have found bereavement support groups to be helpful. I still attend one monthly. When you are sitting with others that share the loss of a loved one, it helps you validate the feelings and emotions that you are going through. I actually created my own support group called sudSSpirt. ( Sudden Unexpected Death of a Spouse - Survivors in Participation to Inform, Renew, Improve, and Triumph)

Please know that you are not alone in this. May God bless you through this journey of grief and be with you. May you find a sense of peace.

 
Old 04-10-2010, 08:18 AM   #14
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Re: How do I live without my husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tnt622 View Post
I lost my husband 2 months ago from lukemia that is by far the hardest thing i have been through. we would have been married 4 years on christmas day our boys are 3 and 5.how do i find the strength to live on without the half that completes me. i dont know what to do with myself most of my days are filled with tears,saddness and emptyness.I miss him so much my heart is completely broken what do i do with all of the love and feelings for him? I dont know how to live without him we were supposed to grow old together and raise our boys he left me alone,sad,empty and afraid. what do i do now?
I was married 16 years. We lived together for 2 before we married. We were blessed with 2 beautiful girls. Meagan was 9 & Alexis almost 2 when he died from a freak accident. My lil one was there in the vehicle when he was killed. I won't lie...I didn't want to live. The only thing that got me out of bed was my children needing me. It physically hurt to breathe. I don't remember a whole lot of the first year. It's a blur of pain and loss. I can't pinpoint an exact time that it became bearable. I just know that it did. There isn't a 'right way' to get through this. You just do the best you can. I took antidepressents for several years, along with zanax for the really bad days. I'm not taking anything now. Don't worry about becoming addicted. Just remember that you have 2 children who need you to live. It's ok to let people see you cry. Don't shut them out. They're feeling pain too. They want to help but don't know how. My biggest problem was trying not to show how bad it hurt to live. I felt so lost. We had talked of growing old together & taking care of each other in our old age. I was so mad at him for leaving me. I never got to say good bye.
I don't know what your belief in God is. I've never been a real religious person. Losing Mike changed that. God got me through it. He allowed Mike to say goodbye to our children (through a dream). Both girls woke up at seperate times crying telling me that Daddy hugged them & told them he loved them & it was gonna be ok. The day we buried him God allowed him to touch my cheek. Sound crazy? I know it does but I also know it happened. Open yourself to His grace & you'll be amazed at how He will help you get through this.
It will be 5 years on the 11th of this month. I still have times when I miss him & it hurts to breathe. But I am alive. I recently moved in with my boyfriend. I didn't realize how much my girls missed having a 'family'. I never saw how much I wasn't giving them. I never thought they would love another man that wasn't their Daddy. Don't get me wrong, they will never call another man Dad. They know who their Dad is. But they love & respect the man who is like a dad to them. Life will move on whether you want it to or not. It's up to you what it will be filled with. I choose love, happiness & laughter. I know one day I will see Mike. Our love will always be. It's good to know that I can love again while I'm here in this world. Life can be good. If you ever need to talk or just put down how you're feeling, I will be here. If I can help in any way then maybe what I went through meant something. Please take care & keep breathing!!
My e-mail is alakelli09 at yahoo.

Last edited by AlKelli; 04-10-2010 at 08:21 AM.

 
Old 07-27-2010, 04:37 AM   #15
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Re: How do I live without my husband?

My parents lost a very close friend 8 years ago. He died in a freak accident aswell. He was riding his bike and a car hit him, he died instantly at the scene. His wife was with him shortly after he died (they had been married for over 25 years) She stayed with him for over an hour before the ambulance could take him away and she wouldn't let them zip up the body bag - it was horrendous!! She told us that she wanted to die with him that day - it was such a shock to everyone that knew him. Everyone helped her out after he died - she was left with a huge property to maintain and there were crops to pick. When that was done, she sold the property and moved away. My mum was close friends with her but she told me that for months afterwards, she wouldn't talk to anyone. My mum said it hurt but she understood that she was grieving and eventually, they rekindled their friendship again.

Even after 8 years, I can still remember that horrible day as if it were yesterday. His funeral was very sad and over 800 people attended. I know that death is a part of life but I wish we could all live forever.

 
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