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Old 06-24-2009, 09:16 AM   #31
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Re: Grieving Multiple Losses

I am so sorry for your pain. I lost my sister 5 years ago in a drowning accident. My dad shortly after had a heart attack and strokes, (underwent heaert surgery) my mom had several strokes and now has very limited short term memory. My husband became very ill with hemolytic anemia (in remission now( but went through two hips replacements and spleen removal. I was injured at work and had to retire early after several surgeries and my best dearest friend of 42 years passed almost 2 years ago of pancreatic cancer.
I don't get over it, but somehow I get through it. The day my sister died, I called a "good" friend of 30 years to tell her. Her comment was "well didn't she have some problems anyway? My longterm boyfriend is here and I am serving him dinner so I am kind of busy" Whoa, this was my "friend" who thanked me for dropping everything when her husband left her? Anyway, end of that friendship.
I allow myself pity party moments and let myself cry. Sometimes a song or something will trigger the loss and I feel everything is so surreal, my loved ones can't be gone.
What helped me so much was one day a friend asked me if I wanted to go see a medium/psychic. Hmmmm well ok, reluctantly. For me it was the best thing I ever did and I have gone back now 4-5 times. This man didn't know anything about me. He was so accurate, I couldn't believe it. I left there knowing and believing our loved ones are very aware of our lives and are near us. I now say good morning. I had a dream shortly after my sister died that was so real I sat up in the middle of the night and screamed "but you're dead" She was sitting with her boyfriend who had also died in a capsized boat ten years prior to her death. The sky so blue, the grass so green. SHe looked great and quietly said "I'm fine" I have never in my life had anything like that happen and it scared me. After seeing the psychic I am convinced she did visit me. It gave me much needed peace. When I tell someone about my experiences, they either poo-poo it or are interested. I don't care. It helped.
Whatever works for you. I agree with the previous post. Allow yourself to grieve. It is a process. In time it gets easier. The first year is the toughest. The first birthday missed, the first holiday. The one thing I hang on to, is they are always alive in my memories. Somehow you will get through it.

 
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:37 AM   #32
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Re: Grieving Multiple Losses

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mel52 View Post
I am so sorry for your pain. I lost my sister 5 years ago in a drowning accident. My dad shortly after had a heart attack and strokes, (underwent heaert surgery) my mom had several strokes and now has very limited short term memory. My husband became very ill with hemolytic anemia (in remission now( but went through two hips replacements and spleen removal. I was injured at work and had to retire early after several surgeries and my best dearest friend of 42 years passed almost 2 years ago of pancreatic cancer.
I don't get over it, but somehow I get through it. The day my sister died, I called a "good" friend of 30 years to tell her. Her comment was "well didn't she have some problems anyway? My longterm boyfriend is here and I am serving him dinner so I am kind of busy" Whoa, this was my "friend" who thanked me for dropping everything when her husband left her? Anyway, end of that friendship.
I allow myself pity party moments and let myself cry. Sometimes a song or something will trigger the loss and I feel everything is so surreal, my loved ones can't be gone.
What helped me so much was one day a friend asked me if I wanted to go see a medium/psychic. Hmmmm well ok, reluctantly. For me it was the best thing I ever did and I have gone back now 4-5 times. This man didn't know anything about me. He was so accurate, I couldn't believe it. I left there knowing and believing our loved ones are very aware of our lives and are near us. I now say good morning. I had a dream shortly after my sister died that was so real I sat up in the middle of the night and screamed "but you're dead" She was sitting with her boyfriend who had also died in a capsized boat ten years prior to her death. The sky so blue, the grass so green. SHe looked great and quietly said "I'm fine" I have never in my life had anything like that happen and it scared me. After seeing the psychic I am convinced she did visit me. It gave me much needed peace. When I tell someone about my experiences, they either poo-poo it or are interested. I don't care. It helped.
Whatever works for you. I agree with the previous post. Allow yourself to grieve. It is a process. In time it gets easier. The first year is the toughest. The first birthday missed, the first holiday. The one thing I hang on to, is they are always alive in my memories. Somehow you will get through it.
mel, thankyou so much for this post. i lost my parents. but my biggest loss was my son 10 years ago.he was 26. he committed sucidide. till this day I have not closures on his dealth. he did do drugs. but at the time . he was clean. just a good kid. he loved life. at least we thought he did. last think he said to me was Mom I love you. then this pass Nov. i lost the love of my life. we where been married 40 years Feb 14. we where and Im still a young person in heart. im trying to get my life together. thats what my precious would want me to do. iv prayed and prayed for dreams. iv had a few but not enough. the last 6 weeks of my husband. he talked about Wally our son. and the night before he sat up in bed and which out and called out Wally. and my baby girl which is 27 had a dream about a train station and Wally was coming to her but 2 men stop him and took him away. and at that momeant thats when Walt my husband sat up in bed and called Wally. and it woke my daughter up. and the next morning Walt ask her about the train station. how did he know to ask that. we are holding on to Wally came to take him that night but Wally told him not yet dad. you need to talk to mom and Jessica . he had not talk that day but mumble. and the next day he talked so clear for 4 hours and then he went into a coma. and that night Jessica was holding his hand and the other on his heart. and he stop breathing. peacefully. well im crying so hard. but its a beautiful bitter sweet story. and it will always be in my memories. and noone will ever take it away. thankyou for listening. take care faye disney world

 
Old 06-25-2009, 08:52 PM   #33
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Re: Grieving Multiple Losses

"i lost my parents. but my biggest loss was my son 10 years ago.he was 26. he committed sucidide. till this day I have not closures on his dealth. he did do drugs. but at the time . he was clean. just a good kid. he loved life. at least we thought he did. last think he said to me was Mom I love you."

I think there is always that guilt, could there have been something I could have done to prevent this? I have found usually the answer is no. A young child perhaps, but an adult makes choices, and sometimes they choose to hide their pain in order to not hurt anyone. I don't think they realize how much they hurt the ones they leave behind, they are just trying to escape their own pain. The what ifs and the if onlys really have no value now, it is what it is and now it is important to focus on the good memories and hold those last words, I love you close to your heart. He wasn't mad at you, he wanted you to know he cared very much, the drugs messed up his reasoning. It's a tough battle getting off them. Look at the famous people who still are addicted in spite of spending huge bucks for rehab.
Don't try so hard to connect. When you feel like your son or your parents are there in a fleeting moment say hello. I always felt my biological dad was around me from when I was a little girl. I actually talked to him in my thoughts and thought it was normal until I was an adult. I never told anyone because I didn't know what to think.
When I saw the psychic, he said I had two dads and it was ok. (He didn't know my dad had died) My dad is around me and is showing a newspaper. What is the meaning of that? (My dad was an entertainment reporter) He said my dad sees the picture of me on a horse. A few months before my best friend had died. In honor of her, her family and I took her horses out for a ride around the arena. Her husband took a picture of me on her mare and sent it to me. I printed it out and have it here on my desk. Well how the heck did the psychic know that? Anyway, as I said before I totally believe all of this. I could go on and on about the experiences. The psychic even described what my sister looked like and said she was standing next to me. It keeps me going strong, most of the time, knowing they are so aware and still with us. I just selfishly want them here as we are. It isn't going to happen. That are the terms I am learning to accept.

 
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