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Old 07-03-2009, 08:50 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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cat1247 HB User
Unhappy Feel like im drowning

I lost my 18 yr old brother 6 years ago suddenly he died of heart failure from undiagnosed heart disease that he was apparently born with. Last September my father was diagnosed with cancer and was told he had maximum a year in February of this year my Mom passed away suddenly at the age of 51 from a heart attack I had spent all day with her the day she passed and 15 mins after I left she called 911 i blame myself partially cause she looked fine and was laughing and joking when i left but i keep thinking did i miss a sign and if i had of stayed could I of saved her. 3 weeks later i was diagnosed with a tubal pregnancy that rupture and 3 weeks later my Father passed away from the cancer. So much has happend especially in the past few months that i feel so empty inside. To make matters worth between time off for funeral and time off for my tubal and time off the last 3 weeks of my dads life because i spent almost all my time at the hospital i am in terrible financial situation now as well. The only think that remotely keeps me going is my 4 year old little girl and my 10 yr old son. I fight constantly with my partner cause im so angry at the world I take it out on him and he doesnt understand how i feel cause he has never lost someone close to him. I feel like im sinking into a dark hole and im afraid im never going to be able to get out of it its been 5 months since my mom passed and I still cry everyday. I can't sleep or eat and i feel physically ill most of the time. If anyone out there could tell me does it get easier in time, or suggestions on how to properly grieve.

 
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Old 07-12-2009, 08:24 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 23
shannyk HB User
Re: Feel like im drowning

Cat,
Im so very sorry for all your losses. And yes it does get better, and there isnt a magical day that it does but a process and everyone is different.
I dont know what type heart attack your mother had, but sounds like it came over her all a sudden and unfortunately women ignore signs as they tend to put what ever ails them on back burner to care for family or responsibilities, so I hope you dont beat yourself up.
How long ago did you have the tubal pregnacy? I know it takes the body time to heal and hormones can be out of wack for some time.

I had a tubal pregnacy, lasted almost 4 months before the miscarriage, and it took gosh many months to get through the grief and the physical healing.
Ive lost both my parents, my father was 59 when he had a stroke in his sleep 25 years ago and my mother passed in June 2000 she had different diseases but think her body just couldnt last anymore, she was so frail. Took her home from hospital within a week she passed. Her's was harder on me, not guilts but just felt didnt have enough time with her and she was my best friend.

You are going through some real hard knocks that life can throw you.
Maybe if you will, see your doctor because you may need something to help you get through the days for now, and if youre already doing that, give it some time, but tell your doctor how you are and the difficulties having with sleeping and eating. Your doctor can offer you a support system.

Be kind to your heart Cat, be gentle on your feelings and know that the feelings of emptiness will ease, that the drowning feeling and everything is over your head will eventually get better. And as for finances, well we never have enough money to pay bills, there will always be bills, but if you have debts and having difficulty in paying, call them and explain, you may be able to set up a payment plan...
Let your children be there for you too, even when it is so hard and you feel so numb through the day, keep doing the activities that are important to your kids. Sounds like your partner is there for you, he may not know how you feel but he does see your pain.

Keep talking even when you dont want to, and put something new in your life if you can, something that is different or that you have thought about doing but had excuses for why not.... This can aid in helping your mind and heart.
I think that coping through the day is what we do till we can actually feel again, but you will feel again, and you wont be crying all the time you will start to smile again and the sun will shine for you, when youre ready.
This is a great site to support you.
Take Care Cat
Loving thoughts to you
Shannyk

 
Old 07-13-2009, 06:03 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 355
sickofpain2 HB Usersickofpain2 HB User
Re: Feel like im drowning

Have you considered some sort of grief counseling? With all that you have been through I would suggest that. Also, the same goes for your partner so they know what you are going through is the grief process. How are the kids? They grieve too also, I would bet it hurts them to see you hurt too. Kids are terribly resilient and can be a huge source of comfort to you.

There is no time schedule for grieving, nor is there a set-in-stone method. Everyone is different. I would suggest seeing your doctor about temporary med's to calm you during this time. This will help you sleep too. Also, grief counseling, at minimum, to understand death and dying and to learn how to cope during this time. Hospice may be a great source of information for you. I know they were during my grandmothers dying process--the info packets alone are priceless and informed me of things I had never thought of.

Take care, rest, and hug your kids and partner.

Susan R.

 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:31 PM   #4
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: columbus ohio USA
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aleet7 HB Useraleet7 HB Useraleet7 HB Useraleet7 HB User
Re: Feel like im drowning

Cat it is so normal to grieve. Like another poster said, there is no time limit on grieving. All of these tremendous losses were totally out of your control so please don't blame yourself! I lost my 19 yo brother to a drowning, my dad passed away of a heart attack soon after, My aunt(my best friend) was murdered and I had a misscarriage all in a short time period! My hubby didn't know what to say to me because he had never experienced this type of heart ache! I talked about my grief to siblings, ministers at my church and joined grief boards on the internet. I didn't want to fall into depression so I had to reach out to get help. You too can talk to others that will listen and know exactly how you feel. Time does help but you'll always feel a sense of loss but you must think about the good times that you shared with them after you've grieved. My children were of more support than they know. Everytime I felt sad I needed a hug and the kids were there for the hug. PLease find a group to join to begin your journey of healing.

)))HUGS(((
Aleet7

 
Old 02-03-2010, 01:14 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Roosevelt, NY USA
Posts: 9
brokenmom HB User
Re: Feel like im drowning

I am sorry for your losses. I loss my 21yr old son 3 months ago. I can relate to all the things you are feeling, I dont know if it will ever get better. Dont ever forget them and always let them know how much they are loved and missed, there is no time limit to our grief.

 
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