It's been six months and I still feel the pain, but now, I feel more scared than grief - scared of losing another family member. I'm so scared someone else will leave me and I just can't take it, my life has been wrecked for the last while.
I worry too. I think when someone dies it makes us think about our own mortality. I lost my sister in an accident and then my healthy best friend to pancreatic cancer. I struggle to deal with it but it is a fact we all live and we all die.
They aren't leaving YOU. I say it like that because I think I felt abandoned relating to being a little girl when my father died. I had to realize he wasn't leaving me. Your loved ones are still around you. While alot of people don't believe that and I was like that too, when I went to see a psychic medium, who told me things there was no way he could know I am convinced we are still surrounded by our loved ones. They want us to be ok. I don't want to sound nuts here, but after that experience I am much more at peace and it took away some of the fear.
grief counselors are good. There are also groups of people who get together who are grieving. It helps to have people to talk to. If you are school age, some schools provide grief groups during the school day.
I am a firm believer in Bereavement support groups. It s been 44 months since I lost my wife in a vehicle accident and not only do I attend one monthly but created a support group of my own. Talking with others in a comfortable setting allows all of you to heal a little bit each time and you then know that you are not alone.
I lost my husband and my best friend of 40 years two weeks ago. I know I should go to a bereavement group, but all I can do is cry. There's no way I could sit and talk to anyone about it. We had moved to a new state a month before, so I don't even know anyone here except for my kids, who live nearby. I know I need someone to talk to, but I can't figure out how to stop crying long enough to talk to someone.
Its okay. keep crying. When your body is ready, the tears will stop long enough for you to find people to talk to. Call a local hospital or church who will be willing to point you towards a bereavement group in your area.
I lost my husband of 22 years, 4 years ago and believe me, there's still days when i am crying my eyes out. I went to a grief group and I went to a one on one counselor. the group setting was better than anything because you will find others in worse situations than you.
I guess after the holidays I'll check through a church and see if I can find a group. I also want to find someplace to volunteer. The busier I am, the less I cry.
I think it is a pretty common reaction that one fears another loss after experiencing one. I know right after their father died, my children would call me or come by almost everyday. I know they were worried that they would lose yet another parent. And to be truthful, I was a bit more paranoid about not hearing from them if they were out for the night or going to be on the road for one reason or another. I know that rationally there is no evidence to that fact. I just think that soon after a loss, it is on your mind even if you may not think it is bothering you. In effect it is a defense mechanism. I think that as time passes, you will see that feeling pass as well.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My father died when I was 17. They were my adopted parents and he was seventy five when he died. My mother was 65 at the time and I too worried about how much longer I would have her. I also worried about her own feelings of mortality. The only solace that I could find was that my mother and father had been together for many years and shared alot of great memories together. If you are a believer of God then you will know that the Lord has everyones life planned before they were even conceived and even in death there is life and you will meet eachother at the gates of heaven. As for worrying about how much time you have left on this earth, stop, what you need to start doing is everything you want to do while you are on this earth. Live a purpose filled life, help people, forgive those you have ill feelings towards, remember that this life is only but a blink of an eye compared to eternity. You will always have the memories of your husband right there inside of you and your children will have the memories of you both. I hope that this could help you even in the smallest of ways. Yes, the feelings that overwhelm you right now will be less painful with time, although they will never be completely gone, you will be able to look back with happiness for the time you shared and not sorrow for the time you feel you've lost. Good Luck sweety.
