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Old 10-11-2009, 10:01 AM   #1
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Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

I just wondered if any of you started to suffer from OCD after a loss and thought you were responsible for what happened. Would be happy to talk.

 
Old 10-18-2009, 05:48 AM   #2
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Hi Aquarius,

I had been diagnosed with very mild OCD which was controlled with medication, but it had worsened since my dad died. I think maybe it is just my brain trying to deal with an event that makes no sense. I am functional and can gets kids out the door to school, clean house etc, mostly the OCD is jut checking--door locks, garage door, etc and driving in certain patterns as I come and go to the house. I feel it is manageable right now and he just died last month, but if it doesn't taper off in the mext month or so I am going back for a med check.

I don't know that I feel guilty about dad's death--there is nothing any of us could have done to prevent it--but I hear questions in my head a lot: Was I a good daughter? Was he happy? Was he disappointed about the problems we kids have had as adults? It's more like wanting reassurance that our family was normal even with all of its issues.

Incidentally, my dad had OCD so it is kind of an odd and comforting connection most days!

 
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Old 10-23-2009, 12:02 PM   #3
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

First off all I am sorry for your loss and hope you are okay.
I started feeling very guilty... I started suffering from magical thinking. So I basically think that I am to blame fpr what happened... and it is very bad now. I just wondered if that was a normal reaction after a loss...
because sometimes I think that it is not OCD but the truth and I fear I am going crazy.

Sorry, english is not my native language.

Last edited by Aquarius79; 10-23-2009 at 12:03 PM.

 
Old 10-24-2009, 08:04 AM   #4
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Aquarius, yes, extreme grief after loss can cause magical thinking and such painful anxiety as thinking you are to blame. Medication can sometimes help, and talking to people about it. I suffered from such thoughts as you and I realize now it was just a result of extreme grief.

 
Old 10-24-2009, 08:11 AM   #5
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Aquarius, if you can get some counseling (especially grief-specific support) that would be a good place to start. A lot of our "crazy" feelings after a loss are absolutely normal, but I know from my own experience if a person has other issues such as depression before the loss, those issues may be magnified by the grief process.

 
Old 10-26-2009, 11:03 AM   #6
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

@cerajoan: Could you tell me more about this? How comes that you realize today that those thoughts were not real.

@bluegrass: I was seeing a therapist because of my OCD and it actually made it worse. I was doing exposure and during my exposure a friend died, another one became very sick. I stopped seeing that therapist. It's like: okay, OCD has won that battle. I will start seeing another therapist, but I do not know if there is hope for me.

I am only 30 and 4 of my friends are dead now. I sometimes think that I am cursed and sometimes think that I would be better if I were dead too, because there is real nothing I feel I can look forward to after all of this has happened. Wondered if that is my curse to be alive while everybody else dying. I know it makes no sense to a lot of people and they do not understand my thoughts. To me those thoughts are so real and I cannot just snap out of it.... and I wonder if there is still hope for me.

 
Old 10-26-2009, 08:27 PM   #7
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Well, if you are on this message board, it means there is hope. You have not given up and you are looking for answers to your pain. I would suggest trying to go back to a therapist again, if you were not very happy with the one you had, try again with a new one. Every therapist is different and you just have to find a good match. Get screened for depression on your first visit, and tell the therapist about the feelings you wrote about in the last post.

OCD can often be managed well with medications, two people in my family have theirs controlled with it. Try to keep your mind open to all options given you. Grief can mess us up to where we almost don't recognize ourselves, and it sounds like you have had multiple losses recently. It will take time to get back to a place where you feel safe and life is even again, but I absolutely believe it is possible.

 
Old 10-26-2009, 09:43 PM   #8
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Aquarius, the reason I realize today that those thoughts were not true is because my stress and grief over the death has lessened.

Time will allow you to see things differently. But when the grief is very very strong, it makes things look a certain way. For awhile, I was convinced of really horrifying things about myself. And if people tried to tell me I was wrong, I just felt they didn't understand and they were wrong. I wanted to believe them but I felt I would be fooling myself. I was a monster in my own eyes and it was living hell.

Medication helped me and talking things out. But I think a big thing was time. As the stress lessened, I started to realize that the things I was thinking were not true. I look at it now and think, how could I have thought such things? But I did and it was a nightmare.

Give yourself some time, Aquarius. And seek out as much support as you can find. You need that now. Grief is one of the most difficult things there is in life. Be kind to yourself. You will be OK and the whole thing will look different to you one day.

 
Old 10-28-2009, 07:22 AM   #9
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Thank you both very much for your help.
One friend of mine died recently. Three died years ago. In all cases I (my OCD?) was able to trace that back to something I did.

"And if people tried to tell me I was wrong, I just felt they didn't understand and they were wrong. I wanted to believe them but I felt I would be fooling myself." It is like that now. I tr very hard to believe that people do not have magic powers and I am not to blame, but I cannot believe it.

 
Old 10-30-2009, 11:09 AM   #10
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

I would be very happy about an answer.

 
Old 10-30-2009, 04:29 PM   #11
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

I was wondering what magical thinking is. I have many in my family with OCD but have never heard of it. I do know that certain events can cause OCD to be worse grief and loss being one trigger. I have a form of OCD and clean all the time and when I lost my husband I had a really hard time controlling it. It is better when all is calm. I am sorry for the loss of your father.

 
Old 11-01-2009, 07:24 PM   #12
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Aquarius, do you believe that somehow you caused all of these deaths?

 
Old 11-06-2009, 10:07 AM   #13
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
I was wondering what magical thinking is.
A person who suffers from magical thinking believes that his or her actions may have horrible consequences. He may for example think "if I speak of a friends death, he will die".

Last edited by Aquarius79; 11-06-2009 at 10:08 AM.

 
Old 11-06-2009, 10:14 AM   #14
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluegrass1965 View Post
Aquarius, do you believe that somehow you caused all of these deaths?
Sometimes I do, because there was always something I could trace it back to. My therapist made me do things I was afraid of. I wish I had not done those things.
I did exposure therapy. Are you familiar with that sort of therapy? It's like... do the things you are afraid of and you'll see nothing bad will happen. Well I did the things I was afraid of and a lot of bad things happened and one of my friends died while I was doing that therapy.

 
Old 11-07-2009, 11:16 AM   #15
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Re: Anyone started suffering from OCD after a loss?

I just lost my husband of 29 years, and I'm deeply saddened by it. I have friends who have also lost husbands, but I know eveeryone grieves differently. With me, I feel like I'm just going on auto-pilot and just going through the motions. I'm self-employed so I have to work at least some. I would be happy to hear from anyone else who has recently lost a spouse and let me know how you got through it or how you are going through it.

 
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