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Old 10-13-2009, 07:48 PM   #1
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Lost my father this summer, and I just cannot take it anymore, PLEASE HELP ME!

Just writing that title makes my heart ache. I lost my father this summer to Luekemia. He was 63, and passed away 4 days before my 20th birthday. He died in late July, but the last few days, I've felt the loss more than ever.

My dad was far and away the greatest man I've ever known. He was diagnosed in April of '08, and although he fought valiantly, he passed away 15 months later

Just writing this is making me cry. My dad was by far the nicest man I've ever known, and to think back on his final months lof life is just nausiating. He lost his hair, he was constantly tired, and he lost soooo much weight. Even through all this, when he wasn't in the hospital for treatment, he continued teaching at Hofstra University and ever saw his patients in private practice. He went back into the hospital in July of this year, and quickly after a while became very sick. He went to the ICU, and eventually passed away

I really cannot believe that my dad went through this, what the f*ck could he have done to deserve this? He really was the sweetest man you could meet, and he has to die while Osama Bin Laden lives

I just cannot believe I'll never see this sweet man again, talk to him on the phone, watch TV with him, or give him a hug. I feel like I was robbed of 20+ years of life with the greatest man I'll ever know

The pain is so severe now I almost can't bare it. I'm already on an anti-depressent and am seeing a counsler. Seriously, what can I do to cope with this?

 
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Old 10-14-2009, 05:47 AM   #2
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Re: Lost my father this summer, and I just cannot take it anymore, PLEASE HELP ME!

To cope with it, a good thing is to talk about it to friends, family or profesionals. If none of those are options, the next best thing is write about your thoughts and feelings in forums like these. You will find a lot of other people that are going through the same thing so can relate to them. Getting it "out" is a good release, you don't want to hold the sadness in.

Last edited by moderator2; 10-14-2009 at 06:49 AM. Reason: please do not post websites except as described in the Posting Policy

 
Old 10-15-2009, 12:13 PM   #3
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Re: Lost my father this summer, and I just cannot take it anymore, PLEASE HELP ME!

Hi,

I lost my mother in April very suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes I wonder what it would of been like if I would of known she was going to die. I know now by reading a lot of peoples stories about losing parents to cancers and most were able to prepare. The thing is, it's still just as painful. I'd like to tell you that you will heal and move on, but truth is, the pain is still there and just as bad, but you deal with it better and better each time. I miss my mom so much and never EVER in a million years thought she'd die when I was only 26 and pregnant. She was only 57. I asked God so many times for an answer to why he took my mom. Why I didn't get a chance to say good bye. It helps to talk to people who know what you are going through. Like you, this is still a fresh thing for me too. Often I think, "oh 3 months ago mom was alive, or 5 months ago I still had mom here" It hurts! I cry often when no one is around, or on my way home from work when I'd sometimes call my parents house. Truth is, I am just as lost as you.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-26-2011 at 11:26 AM. Reason: Removed quote. Please use Quick Reply instead of Quote Reply. Thanks.

 
Old 10-17-2009, 12:30 AM   #4
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Re: Lost my father this summer, and I just cannot take it anymore, PLEASE HELP ME!

< edited > I lost my brother a month ago and my parents aren't far behind ... I'll listen.

Last edited by Administrator; 10-17-2009 at 03:18 PM. Reason: Removed contact info

 
Old 10-17-2009, 06:20 AM   #5
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Re: Lost my father this summer, and I just cannot take it anymore, PLEASE HELP ME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by summer89 View Post
... My dad was by far the nicest man I've ever known, ... he continued teaching at Hofstra University and even saw his patients in private practice. ... He really was the sweetest man you could meet, ... I just cannot believe I'll never see this sweet man again, talk to him on the phone, watch TV with him, or give him a hug ... I feel like I was robbed of 20+ years of life with the greatest man I'll ever know ...
If you feel that you were robbed of 20+ years with a great man, think about the countless millions, like myself, who will NEVER get the opportunity to meet, or talk to, or just watch TV with your sweet, understanding, caring father and teacher. At least you, and his students, still have wonderful memories.

Quote:
Seriously, what can I do to cope with this?
We are quite a bit older than you, and we have lost many wonderful family members, and pets. We put pictures of our good memories of our family members and pets, both living and passed away, in a white framed digital photo frame. My wife and I do a 30 minute power walk, to music, in the morning and the afternoon and have the photo frame turned on, so it can flip through our good memories while we get our exercise. It is a refreshing experience. It brings back a lot of good memories. It is almost like the memories and lost loved ones are still with us.

I suggested doing the same thing for a good friend of ours, who has suffered from some tragic losses, but we decided against it, because our friend does not have many good memories, only a lot of bad ones. No one would want to be constantly reminded of bad memories, so our friend doesn't even know we own an electronic photo frame.

It doesn't put an end to our grief or suffering, but it sure takes some of the pain away by being able to view their smiling, happy faces during better times.

Take care...... be well!
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Last edited by Machaon; 10-17-2009 at 06:22 AM.

 
Old 10-18-2009, 05:35 AM   #6
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Re: Lost my father this summer, and I just cannot take it anymore, PLEASE HELP ME!

{{{{{Summer}}}}}, I am so sorry about your sweet dad. I can empathize with the shock, which I guess I am still in. My dad died unexpectedly in September and it has been so hard to function. Some days I feel mad at the world and others the sorrow is so intense I think, this will never end. I cry about things which seem so random and meaningful--a pair of his slippers in mom's closet...leaves falling off the trees--he was a big leaf-raker and picked up every one in the driveway!....seeing foods he liked at the grocery store....going to a choir concert for my own daughter, since he loved to come to mine...all the projects he left unfinished on his desk and workbenches. It's like every day you are walking along and at some point you fall into a hole and have to drag yourself out.

I was already on an antidepressant before dad died, but was so out of it that I was having trouble doing basic daily things like taking a shower or getting the kids ready for school. About three weeks ago I started grief counseling and that has been so, so helpful. For one thing I discovered that every crazy feeling I had and the feelings of abandonment and loss are absolutely normal when we are grieving for someone we loved. While grief is excruciating it is also a sign of our capacity for great love and meaningful relationships. I know now that I had an unusual and very special relationship with my dad--which many children never experience with their parent--, and even thought I feel he left far too soon, I am so grateful for the time that I did have and what a neat person he was.

Another thing that helped me was that we had a celebration of my dad's life several weeks ago (he hated funerals and didn't want one) and I was in charge of doing a slide show about his life. There were more than 100 pictures of him from his first birthday right up until the day before he died. Now putting the show together I did plenty of crying, especially at the pictures of my parents when they had just met, were so young and in love and had the whole world ahead of them. But by the time I had completed the show I was able to focus more on the wonderful life he had, the many friends, the career, three (fairly normal) kids, what a good partner he was for mom, etc......instead of just thinking 24/7 about the fact that he was gone, gone, gone.

I also made a memorial website for him and that also helped a lot. There are a couple of places you can do this online and for a very reasonable fee the memorial can stay there forever. I wanted to be sure if someone web searched him in 50 years they would be able to see something about his life, and he would be remembered. It is also for my youngest niece and nephew, who are very small, and all the grandkids to look at when they miss grandpa. Anyway I found that reassuring and it has also given me another way to focus on his remarkable life instead of his death.

Anyway, those are just a few thoughts. This is a very tough thing, definitely the most excruciating sadness I have ever experienced. Some days are okay, some days I am still knocked down by it. I am hearing supportive words from people who went through this two, or five, or fifteen years ago, and they are still living, so I guess I will too. Big hugs to you and I will check back for a response.

 
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