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-   -   i need help coping with the loss of my husband (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/grief-loss/721811-i-need-help-coping-loss-my-husband.html)

smithrobd 11-10-2009 01:23 PM

i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
i need help coping with the loss of my husband

caringsister54 11-10-2009 02:39 PM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
I am here for you having lost my husband 4 years ago. You have to take time to heal and grieve -- to do anything else is not healing.

How old was your husband?
How old are you?
How many years were you together?
Have children? If so, how many? and what are their ages?

My husband was 48 when he passed away of a massive heart attack 2 hours after being released from a hospital stay for having a minor one.

It does get easier but you never, ever forget. I cry at the drop of a hat.
My dad who passed also comes to be in my time of need and we talk but my husband tried and when he showed himself to me, I started crying so uncontrollably. He said he'd come back another time when I wouldn't do that to him because it upset him so.

What can I do to help? Except let you know that others are here for you, been through it and tell you that you are not going nuts, you will get through this.

Please write and answer the questions above so I can do more for you.

CaringSister54

grandma2o2girls 11-10-2009 06:09 PM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
Caring sister, are you saying that your dad and husband who have passed, have come to you? Please let me know how this happened and what occurred. I need to know that my husband is still around me. I hate to think that once you die, that there is nothing else.
Thank you so much for your time.

Darlene

sudsspirit 11-19-2009 01:48 PM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
If you haven't already, please find a bereavement support group in your area. I strongly recommend them. I still attend a monthly one. I lost my wife almost four years ago and still find difficulty in this process called grieving. The group attendance and support keeps me positive and grounded. It also provides the validation of your feelings. I alos have read many books on grieving and what to do when your loved one has died. They have helped me.

Please take care and be patient with yourself and your needs...

sudsspirit

caringsister54 11-20-2009 12:57 PM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
grandma2o2girls

Sorry I was late in replying but I'm usually in another board and don't frequent this too often but your message drew me in the first time.

My husband doesn't 'visit' me that often. When he does I usually immediately start crying and he hates it and gets all mad so he is staying away until I can see him, enjoy his visit, without the hysterics.

My Dad is another story. He died in April of 1995 and I'm lucky to say that I still 'see' him. My Mom and Sister never could. What I mean is I close my eyes, and call out to him mentally, telling him I need to talk with him about something. Then I sit and wait. If he's not busy, he'll show up.

The scene is always of me in a field of sweet grass (kinda like a cow pasteur). -- I live in a city so this is a funny concept that I never understood. There's a tree and my father is standing underneath it and there's a white picket fence about waist high separating me from his side of the pasteur. Other times, I'll 'see' him (picture in my mind)sitting in the lawn chair on our front porch and I'll sit nearby and tell him my trouble or what is happening. I was sent these instructions from his side of heaven so I hope it helps you understand things:

if you suffered here on earth whether it was an illness or being blind or deaf, etc. When you arrive in heaven you are no longer in pain and you are whole. You are able to see and hear, walk, and everything else.

When Daddy died, he went to heaven and was processed or orientated. He was then assigned babies born at that moment as their guardian angel. He can't be a guardian angel to my kids (his only grandkids) because when they were born, they were assigned to someone else. He's allowed to provide input to their guardian but he can't interfer with their fates.

God's angel asked him what age were you the most happiest -- then poof, you are that 'age' forever. Some people are happier as young children, others in their 30's and many others older. But they way they become after death is how they stay forever. My father chose 40's so that's how I picture him.

My Dad can come through to me -- in my mind but I can't reach out to touch him or hug him.

While they know others in heaven were their earthly family members -- there's no 'family' feelings pulling at you. Everyone lives together is harmony but you do 'feel' things more strongly towards one person walking around than many of the others. But there's no 'family' households in heaven, everyone is just there and everyone just takes care of any little ones who arrive.

My Mom died in February, I don't feel any kindred to her and won't 'see' her in my mind. As I also lost manyothers -- some very close to me and others not and not too many come through.

Read the book 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Porter. He was in an accident and died and was declared dead for a full 90 earthly minutes -- he went to heaven and saw how wonderful it was but he was pulled back to earth and recuperated. he is now touring countries telling people of his encounter.

I don't have pychic (sp?) ability and I can't see anyone else other than my father most times and my Mikey once or twice. Some people want to keep that earthly connection and others (this is my Mikey) love heaven so very much that they have no reason to stay connected with us. So not 'feeling' or 'seeing' is not meaning they didn't love you and continue to love you but they are made to do so much there, they may not have the time to visit.

I asked Mikey -- before he died -- to make sure he sends me a message that only I would know came from him. At times when I'm thinking about him, an old Doo Wopp song comes on the radio.

My Dad and my guardian angel always provides money to me. Pennies from heaven but mine are sometimes nichles, dimes, and even a 50 cent piece once. Each time I come across coins on the road or sidewalk or a parking lot or on a table when that table had been cleaned minutes before -- I know that I was thought about. I'll pick it up, kiss it, hold it up to heaven and say 'thanks'

Please read the book. It sure helped me accept the loss of my Mikey. When the angels came to get him, I was not a foot away! but I was able to know that he was tired in his illness and really, really wanted to just get there and start playing. I'm fine with knowing I'll see him someday.

CaringSister54

grandma2o2girls 12-30-2009 04:51 PM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
Caringsister, I didn't know we were not allowed to post our email so I am just gonna ask you what I wanted to know here. Do you know of John Edwards? And do you believe in what he can do? I was just wondering. To me, he is amazing but I may be naive. I don't know. I was just wondering what your opinion was. Thank you for taking the time to answer me.
Darlene

gennia lazar 01-03-2010 08:33 PM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
This is the first time I have done this. I am so sorry for your loss but I know this really does not help. My husband passed away from cancer it will be two years this month. I go to bed praying I will dream about him. Please please talk with someone find a meeting If you have family support trust in them or a good friend I have one of those who still will sit with me while I cry My family tells me I should go to a support group I have not done it yet but I should have I still cannot mention his name without tears Also I have a strong faith in God and I imagine my husband fishing with the best of fishermen also I was able to call upon my pastor but with all of this, my heart and soul were broken but we walk and talk and move and love our families we do what we have to do. Again please talk with someone. One day one hour one step at a time. God bless and hold you

goldyfm 01-04-2010 03:59 AM

Re: i need help coping with the loss of my husband
 
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 12 years ago to cancer. He was 48 years young and had two college age daughters. I have to say the old adage that time heals is true. You never "get over" a loss like this but it does get more bearable as time goes by. Please try to be good to yourself and try to connect with others. I know when I was widowed, I thought all widows were silver haired little old ladies. I did not know one person my age that had lost their spouse. It was so alienating to be a widow at such a young age. I know if not for the sharing of their own personal experiences, I may never have gotten to where I am today. It helps to know that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I do hope that you will seek out others who can reinforce what you may be experiencing right now. I have to add, that I dreamed only once of my husband in all these years. I remember his asking me to come with him and as I thought of our daughters, I had to say I could not go right then. I know he was okay with my answer as he smiled as if he was pleased I had made the decision to go on in this life in his absence. I know that it had to be his making sure I was going to be okay! You will be too. I Know the first days and months and years are tough, but with the help of others, you can make a life that can be happy once more. I do hope you can see this too. Take care.


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