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Old 02-04-2010, 05:43 AM   #1
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I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

First of all, thank you to anyone who reads and responds to me. I feel desperate at this time. My mom passed away in 95. She had a broken foot, a blood clot formed in her leg and a piece broke off, went to her lung and killed her instantly at the age of 52. Almost 15 years later, this last November, my dad passed away as well. My husband, daughter, and I had moved in with him because we had lost our home and his health was going downhill and he needed someone to care for him. Since April, my husband and I cared for his every need. He was bedridden for the most part but according to him, he was "happy". He told me that 2 days before entering the hospital in November. He had a sore throat on Sunday and on Monday, I noticed he was breathing heavier than usual so I called his doctor and said he needed to come in right away. My husband took him as I was watching my grandson and the doctor said he needed to go to the hospital because his oxygen saturation was low. He went in on Monday and on Wednesday I NOTICED that he had an inch thick 5 inch long strip of red next to his throat. The doctor called in a specialist and apparently his airway was swelling for some reason. At 3:30 am. the hospital called and said they needed to put an airway in or he would die in 10 minutes. I gave them the go ahead. My dad rallied in the hospital with his throat's swelling NEVER going down. While preparing for a trach to be put in and the ventilator to be taken off, while the surgeon was standing there with my brother and I, my dad went "code blue" and crashed. They brought in the cart and were able to bring him back 3 times but came outside the room finally and asked if we wanted to be there with him as he was not going to make it. I held his had and my brother held his other hand. I prayed "Our Father" while my dad slipped away. The look on his face was the most peaceful look I've seen on him in years. At that moment, I was so happy for him...and I still am. I am devastated for me, though. I don't know how to get through this. I cared for him every day...all day...and he is no longer here. I miss him like nothing else. Lastly, I feel like an orphan, even at 45 because I have no parents. Does anyone else feel this way or have any suggestions for helping me get through this. I truly AM happy for my dad...it is my selfishness that misses and needs him so badly.

 
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Old 02-04-2010, 07:04 AM   #2
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm an only child and have no kids, and my mom is stiill alive at 79. I worry about being an orphan some day. You've got a brother and a daughter and a husband so you're not alone.....

 
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Old 02-22-2010, 06:46 PM   #3
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

Hi, Daughterlost . . . this is the first time I have visited this particular thread. I lost a good friend the night of February 20th and just wanted to see if anyone else was in a similar situation.

Then I saw your post.

My Mom passed October 28, 1982 from congestive heart failure.

My Dad passed at home on March 18, 2003 (the coroner did not get there until after midnight, so it is shown he passed on March 19th).

There was no indication that my Dad had any severe health problems. He was on antibiotics for some lower abdominal pain but that was all.

He lived in Iowa and I live in Idaho. I was feeling very on edge that night for no apparent reason other than we were about to go to war with Afghanistan.

I was still up when my Aunt (Dad's younger sister) who lived a few miles away from my Dad called to give me the news.

My very first reaction when I came into the bedroom where my husband wanted to know who had been on the telephone was, "I am an orphan!"

It is now almost seven years later. I have filled my life with on line friends (one of which I just lost), good people here in the small town that I see at least a couple of times a week, and my husband's family.

I have even reconnected with a cousin (my Aunt's son) who I had not seen in over 20 years.

I always feel that they are with me in spirit. There are many things that have happened that people would call coincidence that I think are a message.

Be vigilant for the messages of love as they are out there. It will take time to get over the loss of the relationship you had but new relationships with people (family, friends, co-workers) will fill some of the void.

Remember their birthdays, their anniversary and the dates of their passing. Talk about your fondest memories of them with others.

I have done that and seven years later, I am still okay.

Strength and love to you,

Lindaru

 
Old 03-07-2010, 08:57 PM   #4
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I also am without my mom and dad. My Dad died when I was 6 and my Mom died a week before my 21st birthday. I still replay the day she died over and over as I was with her and could do nothing she also died from clot that turned in to pulmonary Emboli, I am now 42 and I miss her every day, and then I feel guilty because I do not miss my dad the same way. I relive all of the happy and not so happy memories and try to make my parents real for my daughter. You are not alone we share your sadness. Always remember there are many of us who cry for our parents in the dark of night. Right now I am wrapping my arms around and giving you a big comforting hug and telling you it will be ok, and we are sharing our sadness.

 
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Old 03-09-2010, 11:10 AM   #5
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I too am an orphan. It's been two years since my dad died of an abdominal anuerism. My mother followed him 5 weeks later. I hadn't finished mourning daddy when momma died. It's hard, but you just keep those memories of them alive. My boys talk about them like they are still here, and that brings me peace. My oldest grandson is named after him and that means the legacy will live on.

I miss them more now than I did when they passed.......

 
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Old 03-10-2010, 12:18 PM   #6
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I too am in a similar situation. I am 36 and lost my mom (and BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, EVER) to cancer in Sept. of '07 and I just lost my dad (BEST DAD IN THE WORLD and with whom I too was very close; he lived with me after my mom passed) to cancer as well on Feb. 28th of this year.

I am an only child and I have no family with whom I am close near me. I have an uncle (and his wife) out of state but that's it. I am not married, but I do have a wonderful daughter (6). I have wonderful and supportive friends, but by all accounts, I am fully aware of just how "alone" I am now. I try not to think about it too much, for fear that the sadness, fear and insecurity could rule my life. I need to be strong for my daughter and I want to be - and I am - a great mom to her. Also, I don't want to be jealous of people around my age that still have their parents, but sometimes I can't help it. Hearing them say "my mom" or watching grandparents and children in the mall it really takes me back because I, nor my daughter, will EVER have that relationship again. It's paralyzing at times when the realization crosses my mind.

I fully understand how my mom felt when her mom died. She said a piece of her died too with her mom (they too were extremely close) and I didn't understand how she felt, because, after all, she had me (!), but the fact of the matter is...a child, no matter how old, losing a parent is devastating.

I don't feel there is anyone out there that fully "gets" my situation, no matter how much they try. Even friends who have lost both parents aren't in my shoes - they have siblings and other family. I do not. Any family that I do have, regardless of location, I'm not close with. I won't allow myself to think about how many people I've lost over the past 15 years that I loved, and how different life is for me now as a result. I am not an overly religious person, but I trust that there is a reason why I am - or anyone, for that matter - going thru such tragic losses as we are.

I didn't mean to come to this thread and blab on about myself, but I think if someone else can read this and find solace in the fact that they're not alone, or able to commiserate and feel some sort of comfort, then it's a good thing. I don't wish to isolate myself from my feelings - I think the only way I'll end up surviving this in one piece emotionally is to talk about it and share experiences with others. So to all of you that have posted, I wish you all the best.

 
Old 04-09-2011, 06:41 PM   #7
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I went threw the same thing sense 1979 to 2008 i remember the first time when i lost my cousin that change my life to be sad and had to to move on was something my parents said life was something to not aspect what comes a long. few years later i lost my Father in 1993 that was out with his uncle and lost his voice that was do to cancer that never like been to a doctor that took family get him to go and 2 weeks later he past in 1993 i been going threw most my life people had pass away like my fathers Uncles and Ants even my mom that pass few years ago in 2007 to heart failer congestion that came no reason do to health problems. I feel life was over to the words of my parents said years ago life is what makes us mover forward and keep there dreams going. If you felt that you miss your parents or family, uncles, cousin, friends there is always someone that can answer that you have something to look forward to is taking the time moving forward is what makes you to be happy.

 
Old 10-11-2011, 04:02 AM   #8
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

I know how you feel...

I lost my mum to ovarian cancer and MS when she was 32 and I was 7 and being an only child, the impact was, (is) huge. God granted my father and I the beautiful gift of my step mother. She and I were incredibly close, but she was called home in 2005 and Dad followed her in 2009. I live in Australia, with my daughter but other than that, I have no family here. It can be a huge struggle. If not for my girl, I really don't think I would be here, either. She is my everything.

Although I am 42 and 'middle aged', I still very keenly feel the loss of my parents and I get jealous sometimes, of my friends, because they still have at least one parent still alive. I often wish I could rewind time and go back home, just to see them both again and to feel their hugs and warmth...but if wishes came true, beggars would ride, would they not? All I can do is concentrate on being around for my daughter as much as possible and try to enjoy what I do have, instead of living in yesterday.......My thoughts and kind wishes I send to you...x

Last edited by beccablob; 10-11-2011 at 04:04 AM.

 
Old 10-11-2011, 06:52 AM   #9
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Re: I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost...

Quote:
Originally Posted by beccablob View Post
Although I am 42 and 'middle aged', I still very keenly feel the loss of my parents and I get jealous sometimes, of my friends, because they still have at least one parent still alive. I often wish I could rewind time and go back home, just to see them both again and to feel their hugs and warmth...but if wishes came true, beggars would ride, would they not? All I can do is concentrate on being around for my daughter as much as possible and try to enjoy what I do have, instead of living in yesterday.......My thoughts and kind wishes I send to you...x
Boy I know how you feel. ALLLLLLLLL of my friends still have at least their moms, if not BOTH parents still alive, and I would be a liar if I didn't say I feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear them talk about their moms, getting together with them, etc. Like you, I wish I could turn back time for ONE more interaction with my own parents, ONE MORE reassuring hug/word, ONE MORE shared experience, ONE MORE time for my daughter to be with them and know how much they love(d) her...

I try to subscribe to the logic of knowing that my parents would NOT want me to be a little puddle of sad and they would want me to go on and forge my own way and find happiness. But all happiness feels so empty at times...even the brightest lights are shadowed by them not being there to share in experiences, milestones, etc. Certainly time does "heal" all wounds but it's a very fragile healing - it can take even the smallest thing to trigger a memory and then the feeling of loss all over again, and open again the would is. It's not "good" to know there are other people suffering but it's comforting in a way just a BIT less isolating to know that we're not alone in our circumstances even when it feels like it.

 
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