itzi

I started with this group when my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer and I think the last post I wrote was when he died in January. I looked after him at home right up until six days before he died. His kids all live here in this city and mine are scattered around. Right after his death there were hard feelings for me because I didn't act like they thought I should. We have since settled down and are alright with each other. It was just last Monday that we finally buried his ashes. The tears just run down my face when I write this and when I talk about him. I feel sometimes that I need more of the crying to release some of the pain. I am going to go to a Hospice meeting that starts with lighting a candle and isfacilitated by someone who has lost their loved ones too. My chest hurts now and my head aches until the tears come, then their is some relief.
I don't feel lost or where do I go now, but I sure miss him like crazy. Sometimes I feel like that is weird because we didn't do much together, but he was always here and we did love each other a lot. I know this grief is something that is going to take time to get,not over, because he will always be with me. Their is no going around it or over it, we have to go through it and come out the other side, wiser and more compassionate. It just helps to write this and cry.