arsens momma

today is my grandmothers 80th birthday.. she is not here with us anymore we lost her in nov 09. it came so sudden and i didnt know how to take it still at times i dont.. she raised me since i was three because my mother had past away we were very close we did have our ups and downs and i hit the teenage years.. i got pregnant at 17 so i moved out soon after that she started getting sick i went and helpd out as much as i could my uncle who took care of her decided to put her in a nursing home that that was the best thing for her at the time..she started suffering from Alzheimer's Disease i went over there as much as i could after having my son it got a lot harder to just get up and go and i didnt drive my husband did so it had to be a day that he had off and was free.. after her passing i just felt alot of guilt like i could have done more i know i did alot but still at times i feel like i could do more.. i dont know how to handle this.. times im sad ddont want to be bothered and times im angry and my husband is noticing it.. i wrote a letter the other day with everything on it that i felt guilty for with her and i ripped it up and threw it away and i said let by gones be bygones and i forgave my self for it and decided to move forward,, i need to move forward cuz its getting between me and my husbands realtionship,, any advice?? please