I think the best thing you can do is live well. Your grandma knows and knew how much you love her. She understood you came whenever you could, and I'm sure she never felt like you should have done more. You have a family and a child and these things are important too. It's easy to tell someone how to feel, but it's a completely different thing to be that person and figure out how to do it. I hope you can get to that place that says, the greatest tribute I can pay to my grandmother is to live well, do the best I can, and hold my head high. When you get to that point, you'll know she's proud.