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Old 04-12-2010, 08:05 PM   #1
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Will I ever accept my mother's death?

My mother passed away on Jan. 8, 2010 of respiratory failure and it has been the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. I am 22 and i know thats young to say its the worst thing that will ever happen to me but i feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I blamed god and asked why this entire time. I loved my mother more than life itself after our lord of course but I just cant make sense of this siutation at all. I guess what gets me the most is that fact that she wont see me get married or meet my children. How are my kids going to know just how much she would have loved them. The last time I saw my mom she was making jokes about me just having a baby already. Like any human I dont question my faith but when this happened, I had to question if she was still with me and could see that I was doing ok. I try my hardest to make sense of it all but i cant. I feel like just giving up. I know thats not what she woul want but its so hard to keep it together when the center of your world isn't a phone call away. I know its just going to get harder and im not the only person in the world that has lost their mom but wow this pain is just too much. someone please help me make sense of this. I dont know where to turn too I know how much she loved and worried about me and without her here its just empty.

 
Old 04-12-2010, 08:50 PM   #2
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Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

Hi Ashvin.....I just lost my mother a few weeks ago and I am going through many of the same emotions. I am wondering how I will ever be able to rise above this grief and not having her around. She wasn't just my mom but also my best friend....we spoke daily by phone and I think that is the hardest part of it all.

I am a bit older than you.....my mom was able to see me get married and have my two children.....she was looking very much forward to her first grandchild (my oldest daughter) graduate college in May.

I watched my mom gracefully mourn the death of my youngest brother in June.....it was the hardest thing our family ever endured and then New Years Eve mom called me after going to the doctor to check for a fractured rib after falling on the handle of her suitcase saying that the doctor said her liver was enlarged, the bloodwork was abnormal and that an MRI showed something in her liver.

Turned out that she had biliary cancer and it had spread to her liver.....she lasted only a few months. I thought it was a medical mistake....here my mother never had any health problems and had just ran a 5K marathon in October and was only hospitalized when she had her children.

I felt as if the wind was knocked out of me.....I am still numb and in disbelief that in less than a year I have lost two family members. It was difficult enough losing my little brother and then my mom.

I still am numb and in disbelief....yes she was 74 years old but I wasn't ready for this tremendous loss.

I have a strong faith which carries me through but it is so difficult enduring such a loss.

I guess all I can offer you is my understanding and reach out to you and let you know that you are not alone.

My mom was brave and mostly worried about how I would be after she passed on. That was her way.....she taught me how to celebrate the joys amongst the pains and I guess that is how I honor her each day.

My daughter will graduate college in a little over a month and my mom wanted so much to be there. During one of my visits with my mom she gave me a necklace from her jewelry box to give to my daughter on her Graduation Day to wear in case she wasn't able to be there.

Somehow we live Ecclesiastes 3......

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance...

I walk beside you as we mourn our mothers and hopefully we will continue to face the days ahead and live through the seasons as we learn to rise above our grief and honor our mothers and what they have taught us for the short time that they were with us.

May God Bless You and may the memories that you had with your mom help carry you through

(((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 04-12-2010 at 09:37 PM.

 
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Old 04-25-2010, 09:41 AM   #3
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Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

Ash- My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. I was 26 when I lost my dad so I understand how you feel about your mom never seeing you get married or having children. My father will never see his grandchildren. God does still care. I know it's hard to see and understand what he's doing. I believe that your mom is in the "great cloud of witnesses" now and she's cheering you on saying "you can do it!" The saints in heaven want to see us again so please don't give up. Hold on to your faith through all this turmoil. This is like walking through the shadow of the valley of death. I know life seems hazey. I'm still going through that feeling. It's good to surround yourself with loved ones and others who have lost someone very close to them. I hope I helped and God Bless.

Crissy

 
Old 07-19-2010, 12:32 AM   #4
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Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

hi ashvin.Im also 22 years old and i have been though what you are going through.I was 11 years old when my father died a few weeks after i graduated elementary school.Then when i turned 12 my mother died a few weeks before christmas.When i was 15 i was shot in my eye, losing that too and a couple of months after that my grandmother died.
My grandfather died when i was 17 a couple of days before thanksgiving and in a time zone of 6 years everybody who were the centerpieces of my life were gone.And unlike you i completly questioned my faith and god.Sometimes i just find myself sitting in dazes
trying to figure out why did this have to happen to me.If god really cared about me why would he punish me like that and at such a young age.I hope that you do find a way to accept your mothers death beacause i havent and i dont wish the pain i feel on no one.

 
Old 07-20-2010, 08:44 AM   #5
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Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kman88 View Post
hi ashvin.Im also 22 years old and i have been though what you are going through.I was 11 years old when my father died a few weeks after i graduated elementary school.Then when i turned 12 my mother died a few weeks before christmas.When i was 15 i was shot in my eye, losing that too and a couple of months after that my grandmother died.
My grandfather died when i was 17 a couple of days before thanksgiving and in a time zone of 6 years everybody who were the centerpieces of my life were gone.And unlike you i completly questioned my faith and god.Sometimes i just find myself sitting in dazes
trying to figure out why did this have to happen to me.If god really cared about me why would he punish me like that and at such a young age.I hope that you do find a way to accept your mothers death beacause i havent and i dont wish the pain i feel on no one.

 
Old 07-20-2010, 08:49 AM   #6
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Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

I too have lost my mother and I wasn't at her bedside when she passed. I guess that is the hardest part of all. I hurt so bad sometimes that I can hardly stand it. When I feel this way I talk to her, on mother's day I put a single rose on her grave and released a balloon into the air with a card. I stood by her grave and talked to her and then quietly left. I know she was watching from above and it eased the pain if only for a short time. So now when I'm really hurting or missing her I talk with her or write her a letter.

 
Old 08-06-2010, 02:26 PM   #7
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Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

I know how you feel i just lost my mom on may 10 my b-day of all days. She was 57 and had stage 2 lung cancer. Ever since then i keep telling myself that things will get better. But deep down my true thoughts are that this whole year has sucked bad. I'm not going to lie to you and say everything will be ok but i can tell you that eventually one day it wont hurt as bad.

 
Old 09-26-2010, 08:50 AM   #8
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Hello321 HB User
Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

Hey ashvin I lost my dad at 20 a few months ago and am now 21 and miss him so much, i spoke to him all the time and in my family got on with him the most so lost without him and dont know what to do it was sudden and unfair and i hate people who talk about god because there are so many things that i dont make sense and no one can answer the questions i have so how can it be true? I want to talk to people who are going through a similar thing because nobody around me gets it and anyone i do know who has lost a parent i dont want to talk to them incase it upsets them.

 
Old 09-26-2010, 08:53 AM   #9
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Hello321 HB User
Re: Will I ever accept my mother's death?

And kman88 when i hear what ur going through makes me feel so ungrateful but i know what u mean about not having faith because theres no way that a so called forgiving and loving god would put innocent people through that.

 
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