It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Grief & Loss Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-26-2010, 09:56 AM   #31
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 246
Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi Carlyjo ~ I didn't want to not acknowledge you here, you sound as if you really could use a (((HUG))) and I am sending one your way.

If this has been going on for 3 years that you are feeling this way I would really encourage you to seek out more professional help. When somebody experiences tragedies as you have followed by extreme debilitating symptoms as you describe you may have to be treated with intense therapy and perhaps with a psychiatrist's help.

Sounds to me like you may be experiencing PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and a good therapist and psychiatrist can help you emerge from that.

If you are not doing better then perhaps you need to get a second opinion with a good psychologist who deals with PTSD and conditions like that.

I am sorry for your pain and really encourage you not to give up....drugs are not going to be the answer here as much as they may provide temporary relief.

I know you can overcome this, it won't happen overnight, but with the right professional you CAN get better.....you are so young and have your entire life ahead of you.

All you need is the courage and hope to get you started in finding the right help.

Ask your mum to help you research to find the right help....

I wish you a future filled with good health, peace and happiness. That will come after you find the right team to get you there.

Many (((HUGS))) coming your way ~ Ivory

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-26-2010, 04:27 PM   #32
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6
Gracie0418 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorygirl View Post
Hi Karen #1, Gracie and Janet ~

I posted the following on another thread and thought I would do the same here. It was sent to me by one of my friends who sees me struggling through this difficult time. When I first read it I shoved it to the back of my mind but then realized that if I looked at things from my mom's perspective this is pretty much how she would feel. I have a feeling that if you really look at things from your husband's perspectives, they would pretty much feel the same way.

So I wanted to share it with you and hope it somehow makes today easier to get through.

I printed it out to have close by so that when those feelings that have me feeling numb and wanting to just crawl back into bed come over me, I can read it and somehow find the strength to get through another day. ~ Ivory


YOU CAN GO ON

You can shed tears that I am gone, or you can smile because I have lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that I will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that I have left you.
Your heart can be empty because you cannot see me, or your heart can be full of the love that we have shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday.
Or you can remember me and only that I am gone, or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your eyes, be empty and turn back, or you can do what I would want...

SMILE. OPEN YOUR EYES, LOVE AND GO ON

 
Old 04-26-2010, 04:33 PM   #33
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6
Gracie0418 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

I want to thank everyone for their hugs, kind words and prayers. My husband passed away yesterday just two months after being diagnosed. He was suffering so much I am glad that is over.He went in peace and with mmuch dignity.My sons and I will have to go on he would want us to .

 
Old 04-26-2010, 07:18 PM   #34
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 246
Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Oh Gracie, I am so sorry about your loss as relieving as it may be. I know that we don't want our loved ones to suffer and to have them stay longer and do so is only self-serving.

I felt jipped when I got to my mom and entered the room only to be able to hug her and hear her last breath. I wanted to say so much more and have more time but after thinking about it, all that I needed to say had already been said, and to have had that time would have just been for me and not in her best interest.

So, I understand the relief and the peace that you feel and the deep love that goes into letting go.....it is the ultimate sacrifice and gift we have to give our loved ones to come to those terms.

Still, it isn't going to be easy, as much as you have prepared for this. You will be going through an array of emotions and that is okay. Let it be what it is and give yourself "permission" to go through whatever may come over the next few days, weeks, months and years.

Please come back here if you need to and let us help you through any bumps in the road.

And please know that our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family every step of the way.

Love and lots of comforting (((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 04-26-2010 at 07:21 PM.

 
Old 04-26-2010, 09:38 PM   #35
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi Gracie
I am so sorry for your loss, My heart goes out to you, I know how much it hurts, even though you didn't want him to suffer anymore, It is different now. I hope you and your sons find strength and, peace, I had a pretty tough day today, I am going to counseling on Wed,
Take care and God Bless
Karen

 
Old 04-26-2010, 09:43 PM   #36
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi
I feel so bad for you, you are so young and are in such inner pain. The drugs are not going to make the pain go away forever, you need to look for some help, if one therapist isn't helping you need to try someone else, don't give up, life is to precious. My heart is broken, so I understand the despair but I am going to a counselor on Wed, you have to reach out.
I wish you the best, and please don't give up, ask your mum to help you
Karen

 
Old 04-26-2010, 09:47 PM   #37
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

I also thank god for the time we had together, but it ended to abruptly, and horribly I just can't accept it, I feel like he is going to come home any minute, it is horrible. I hope I can make this adjustment without losing my mind .
God Bless
Karen

 
Old 04-26-2010, 09:53 PM   #38
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi Ivorygirl Karen #2
I had a pretty bad day today, My son was over and we have to get my husbands fish tanks taken care of, he had at least 5 huge tanks it was his hobby, but none of us know anything about it so we don't want the fish to die, he really loved them, it was very hard going through all his stuff and putting it up for sale, it really got to me, then we had to choose an urn for his remains, which was very stressful for me. I am so tired but can't sleep yet, I hope tomorrow will be a little easier. I am also going to a counselor on Wed, I hope they can help me, I don't know how but I hope they can. Well I better try to sleep before the ambien wears off
Hugs Karen

 
Old 05-02-2010, 05:57 PM   #39
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 246
Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi Karen #1 ~ Just wanted to do a check in with you to see how things are going.

I am sorry to hear that you had a hard time with the fish tanks and getting things together to sell.

I, too, had a difficult time when my dad wanted us to go through mom's things even before the funeral.....he has his own health problems and I did so, as difficult as it was, knowing that he would have a difficult time doing it himself and would attempt it after we left on his own.

Have you met with a counselor and did it help??

Please be gentle with yourself and try to take good care of yourself.....allow yourself to grieve but also make sure you get the rest you need so that you come out of this taking care of you own mental and physical well being while you do so.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers hoping that the difficult days become easier.

Love and (((HUGS))) ~ Ivory/Karen#2

 
Old 05-02-2010, 09:31 PM   #40
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorygirl View Post
Hi Karen #1 ~ Just wanted to do a check in with you to see how things are going.

I am sorry to hear that you had a hard time with the fish tanks and getting things together to sell.

I, too, had a difficult time when my dad wanted us to go through mom's things even before the funeral.....he has his own health problems and I did so, as difficult as it was, knowing that he would have a difficult time doing it himself and would attempt it after we left on his own.

Have you met with a counselor and did it help??

Please be gentle with yourself and try to take good care of yourself.....allow yourself to grieve but also make sure you get the rest you need so that you come out of this taking care of you own mental and physical well being while you do so.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers hoping that the difficult days become easier.

Love and (((HUGS))) ~ Ivory/Karen#2
Hi Ivory/Karen#2
Thanks for thinking of me, I haven't seen the counselor yet, tomorrow, I am looking forward to it, hoping it will help, it is very hard when you have to touch things your husband loved and find homes for the fish, I feel like I am getting rid of things he loved. I am trying to rest, but I have a lot of nervous energy, trying to hard to keep busy, today I cleaned and trimmed the whole back yard, I got so overheated, but didn't even stop just kept going. Thanks for your prayers, I need them
Hugs Karen #1

 
Old 05-03-2010, 08:18 AM   #41
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 246
Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi Karen#1 ~ Glad you have the counselor lined up, I am sure that he/she will help navigate you through to a place where you can continue to live your life happily carrying your husband along in your loving heart as you do so. I know it isn't easy, still struggling myself but know that is what my dear mom and brother would like me to do until we are together again.

As for the fish, I am sure that your husband would okay loving homes where somebody, like himself, has a love of fish and will take good care of them.

After going through some of my mother's things, I put aside a few to keep like some shirts I could wear as "comfy" clothes when watching a movie on TV or doing some work around the house so I could feel a part of her near. Perhaps you can do the same with some of your husband's things.

As far as things he loved, I think that he would probably want them to go to somebody who would love them as much rather than just sitting around.

Perhaps there is a friend or family member who would like some of his things.....after we lost mom I had my aunt (her sister), my girls and nieces (her granddaughters) go through some of mom's things and it was comforting for them to choose a pair of earrings or item of clothing that they could have.....you could actually see how having a physical part of my mom to hold onto was soothing to each of them.

Remember to continue to take care of yourself, I am trying to do the same, knowing that is what my mom would like me to be doing while at the same time missing her.

Let us know how the counselor meeting went.

Sending more (((HUGS))) your way ~ Ivory/Karen#2

 
Old 05-04-2010, 05:02 PM   #42
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorygirl View Post
Hi Karen#1 ~ Glad you have the counselor lined up, I am sure that he/she will help navigate you through to a place where you can continue to live your life happily carrying your husband along in your loving heart as you do so. I know it isn't easy, still struggling myself but know that is what my dear mom and brother would like me to do until we are together again.

As for the fish, I am sure that your husband would okay loving homes where somebody, like himself, has a love of fish and will take good care of them.

After going through some of my mother's things, I put aside a few to keep like some shirts I could wear as "comfy" clothes when watching a movie on TV or doing some work around the house so I could feel a part of her near. Perhaps you can do the same with some of your husband's things.

As far as things he loved, I think that he would probably want them to go to somebody who would love them as much rather than just sitting around.

Perhaps there is a friend or family member who would like some of his things.....after we lost mom I had my aunt (her sister), my girls and nieces (her granddaughters) go through some of mom's things and it was comforting for them to choose a pair of earrings or item of clothing that they could have.....you could actually see how having a physical part of my mom to hold onto was soothing to each of them.

Remember to continue to take care of yourself, I am trying to do the same, knowing that is what my mom would like me to be doing while at the same time missing her.

Let us know how the counselor meeting went.

Sending more (((HUGS))) your way ~ Ivory/Karen#2
Hi Ivory Karen#2
Well the counselor was pretty gentle and caring, there were about 8 people there 3 of whom I felt I could relate to, then there was this man that I don't think he was there for the right reasons, he was looking for someone to have coffee with and he was very obnoxious and loud, he just ruined the whole atmosphere, when it was over the other girls also said that it was not for them, they couldn't take him. So I will try another one, I have a few others lined up, whithin the next few weeks.
The fish club is taking the fish now, I am happy, I don't want them to die, as far as anything else, I don't want to touch any of it, I want it to stay where it is.
Take Care
Karen

 
Old 05-04-2010, 05:05 PM   #43
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: alabama
Posts: 2
spham32 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Quote:
Originally Posted by closs86 View Post
Hi
Last Tuesday April 6, my whole life changed, my husband of 43 years, passed away from pancreatic cancer, in 7 weeks he went from a healthy man eating good food, excersizing doing all the right things, supposidly, to having a stomach ache, winding up in the hospital Sloane Kettering Cancer Hospital, after he was admitted he got blood clots that broke loose from his legs they say from the cancer, and his blood pressure plummetted and they couldn't get it back up, they tried everything. He never got a chance to fight the cancer, he suffered horribly the last few days of his life, I don't know how my sons and I will ever be able to live with the sight of his tormented face in our brains, although they gave him all the medication they possibly could it just wasen't enough. I don't think I can do this

 
Old 05-16-2010, 05:35 PM   #44
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6
Gracie0418 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

We actually have almost the same story..I lost my husband 3 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer. It was two months from diagnosis until he passed away. He was in alot of pain at the end, my heart is so broken. I really am trying to live but I am so miserable. I want him back.

 
Old 05-18-2010, 09:46 PM   #45
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 25
closs86 HB User
Re: lost my whole life

Hi Gracie,
I know how you feel, it is unbelieveable, and I am still in shock as i know you have to be. I miss him so much, I still do not believe that he is gone, I am having a hard time accepting that he is not coming back, I feel like I am going crazy sometimes, my emotions are so roller coaster like. come on here and vent, it helps a little
take care
karen

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
am i a lost cause? please help. mochi* Relationship Health 22 06-02-2010 11:58 AM
lost virginity at 36, masturbated for first time at 37 BobWallace Sexual Health - Men 0 12-28-2009 06:29 PM
want to help a friend who has lost a child- wishicouldhelp Death & Dying 1 06-25-2008 11:55 PM
I totally lost it today sammyo1 Chronic Pain 17 05-28-2008 10:34 AM
I just lost my only child, he was 16 ddyer1 Grief & Loss 10 07-24-2007 10:48 AM

Tags
pancreatic cancer



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Ivorygirl (13), rosequartz (11), slenderella (8), writeleft (4), JJ (4), caringsister54 (3), Charlyssa (3), jesseca (3), Titchou (2), Kszan (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:01 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!