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Old 04-20-2010, 01:50 PM   #1
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How to breath

I lost my husband March 30, 2010. He was diagnosed Feb 20, 2010 of pancreatic cancer. I just want to crawl in bed and never get out. Our 4yr old son and 17 yr old daughter are depending on me but the pain is so terrible.
Janet

 
Old 04-20-2010, 02:13 PM   #2
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Re: How to breath

Hi Janet.....I am sorry that you are hurting this way, I do understand. Just lost my mom to Bile Duct Cancer which they say is the same as Pancreatic Cancer.

Can't believe how quickly she succumbed to this cancer....she was perfectly healthy and then this. It seemed to knock the wind out of us seeing how quickly things progressed.

I am sorry that you have lost the love of your life and father of your children. It must be so hard....my mom died on March 23rd and found out that she had something wrong on New Year's Eve. No time to prepare for such a loss as I am sure that you well know.

There are stages to grief that one must go through....Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and eventually Acceptance. I am struggling through the Depression part as I am sure you are and don't know if or when I will get to the acceptance part.

Just wanted to pop in with some hugs and let you know I am thinking about you.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to grieve such a great loss. That is what I am doing.....it's all we can do...right??

((((HUGS)))) from somebody who understands ~ Ivory

 
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Old 04-20-2010, 02:51 PM   #3
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Re: How to breath

Janet-

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Dad died when I was 8, and my mom grieved terribly. Your kids do need you, but they understand your grief. I understood my mom's grief. The only suggestion I can make is lean on each other. That's what me and my mom did.

 
Old 04-20-2010, 08:20 PM   #4
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Re: How to breath

Hi janet,
i lost my husband in Dec. 2008. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. It will get better in time. Does it still hurt? yes it does and I still miss him with all my heart. But take your time. I have made a place in my heart for all my memories of our life together. No one or no thing will ever me able to take my memories of him. It's a hard thing to do.

 
Old 04-21-2010, 10:45 PM   #5
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Re: How to breath

Thank you.

 
Old 04-22-2010, 05:04 PM   #6
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Re: How to breath

Hi Janet ~ Just popping in with some extra (((HUGS))) and letting you know that I am thinking about you hoping that today was just a little bit better.

I am having a hard time because tomorrow marks 1 month since I lost mom. I miss her so much and it doesn't even seem like a month has gone by....the pain is still the same.

I ache to hear her gentle voice and feel her arms around me but I know that I won't. The only comfort seems to be in the many memories I hold in my heart.

Mother's Day is approaching and I would just like to let it pass right by. My mom always sent me a card on that day, her day to be honored, with a hand-written note telling me what a wonderful mother I was to her two granddaughters and thanking me for allowing her to share in watching them be mothered all of these years.

This year I will have no card from her....and my heart will ache because I won't have her around to honor, at least not in the way I would like to.

I guess we can only take one day at a time hoping it will get easier.

Hoping that you are able to be a bit distracted with your children who are a blessing.

My two daughters have been such a blessing in checking in on me and making sure I am okay. They are away at college and making a point of texting and calling more than the usual.

I find that quite comforting and hope that you do too with your children.

(((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

 
Old 04-22-2010, 05:36 PM   #7
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Re: How to breath

Janet...... I too am sorry to read of your loss. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I can only tell you what I did, and everyone has to grieve in their own way. Friends told me to just take life one day at a time, but I couldn't even do that. At first I had to take it hour by hour. I went through stages of anger, pity,depression and confusion.

Although your husband may not be visible for you to see, know that he is still with you and will forever be. It's true that your children are also hurting and they need mom now more then ever before in their lives.

You are not walking down this path alone, Janet. Many share the same feelings as you are each and every day. As for me, I didn't care if the world thought I was a nut case, I would speak to her softly when I needed comfort. I remember one day while I was thinking of some precious memories we shared, I started laughing remembering a time when I placed a new license plate on her new car. I purposely put the plate upside down, thinking she would find it in a day or two. Well, I forgot about it and she was pulled over by a police officer who was smiling at her while walking up to the driver's door.

Blessings, and you can share some of your fond memories with others.......

 
Old 04-23-2010, 12:22 AM   #8
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Re: How to breath

Thanks for the cute story. It made me smile.

 
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