It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Grief & Loss Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-23-2010, 05:50 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 1
Esperanza88 HB User
That day of each month

My Mom died almost 34 years ago and ever since that day, I have relived her stay in the hospital on that day every month.

I cry out for her when I can't figure out life.

Loss keeps me stuck in the past.

I see pros who tell me to do something different.

I live my life with the hope that I will see her again.

Then, when I stop my cries, I do slow breathing and other coping skills I've been taught. Gradually, I shift my mind back to reality.

Do you know of any new ideas to try?

Esperanza88

~~Great memories make the best moments last forever~~

 
Old 04-24-2010, 08:28 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 246
Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: That day of each month

Hi there.....I just lost my mom and yes, it's such a GREAT loss but I am hoping that how I am feeling now, which is numb, fatigued and really sad will change because I know that is not how she would want me feeling, certainly not for 34 years as you describe.

I think that you need to perhaps look at it from your mom's perspective. I know that my mom did everything possible to make sure I was happy and even when she KNEW she was going to die from this cancer she told me that she wasn't scared but more concerned about how I would be.

She made me promise that I would be alright and take care of myself and I intend to keep that promise.

I know that for now I must take this time to grieve and give myself "permission" to do so.

And eventually, with baby steps I will go on to live holding all the wonderful memories in my heart that she would want me to remember.

I think that your mom, like mom, would want us remembering all those good and special times and not have them overshadowed by that day in the hospital that she couldn't control and has taken up residence in your mind more than the good memories. That is what I am doing to make sure I don't get stuck in the mode of allowing my mom's life, her wonderful life, to be overshadowed by bad memories when there were far more wonderful and special ones.

We can choose what we want to remember of our loved ones and plant that within our hearts allowing it to grow, something that can never be taken away and can live on within us until we are reunited with them.

I received this poem just yesterday from a dear friend and I plan on printing it out and reading it whenever those bad feelings try to take over. I thought I would share it with you and it can be a start for you to move forward KNOWING that this is not the way that your mom would like her memory to be for you at this time. I hope it helps.

YOU CAN GO ON

You can shed tears that I am gone, or you can smile because I have lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that I will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that I have left you.
Your heart can be empty because you cannot see me, or your heart can be full of the love that we have shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday.
Or you can remember me and only that I am gone, or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your eyes, be empty and turn back, or you can do what I would want...

SMILE. OPEN YOUR EYES, LOVE AND GO ON


May God bless you and help you move forward to a life of peace and happiness.

(((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-27-2010, 07:38 AM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Va
Posts: 20
CiCi01 HB User
Re: That day of each month

Hello Esperanza88, I kinda know what you're going through. It's only been a year since my dad passed and it reminded me of that day so much that I just had to sit in a quiet place and think about how happy he is now.

I have to tell you that my dad lost his mother when he was only 20. He grieved up untill the day that he died. He wrote a poem about her on the 30'th anniversary of her death. The end of his poem brought endless tears to my eyes. He stated: "Yes, love is reminiscencing, I will be strong and live!! for the Godly love that she provided for me, I must freely give!

The love that your mother gave to you can be expressed by helping others

Crissy

 
Old 05-30-2010, 12:00 AM   #4
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 3
dontcare HB User
Re: That day of each month

I know how you feel.

It's only been two years for me. People say it gets easier, but I say the only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
NEED HELP! My cure was my poison.any antidepressants that have an opiate-like effect calvindoyl Depression 6 06-02-2010 01:36 PM
In a long-term relationship that is about to become an "open relationship" bertrandian Relationship Health 32 12-14-2009 12:54 AM
what could be causing me to gain 2 pounds each month tsharp1 Exercise & Fitness 5 04-15-2009 07:56 PM
I have a plan that pays 60% of my income....what about the other 40% mintz Disabilities 42 09-30-2007 06:42 PM
how possible does it sound that i'm pregnant? christinek77 Pregnancy-Teen 8 02-01-2007 10:16 PM

Tags
anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:23 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!