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Old 06-04-2010, 06:34 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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leila21 HB User
angry/sad

Hi Everyone,
I'm' new to this board.

My mom, who was my best friend, died 3 months ago after a short-ish, unexpected illness. While I'm a middle-aged person so I guess, it's part of the flow of life, it's been tough. I have no other immediate family members (no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles or 1st cousins. I never had kids and I"m currently single.) I have 4 or 5 2nd cousins and reached out to them all when she died to let them know. Only 2 contacted me back. One has been there for me (she's a little screwy, but a really nice person and means well.) I never had much of a relationship with any of them (that's just the way my family is, I guess) so I didn't really expect them to become my new best friends when she died, but I did expect them to, at least, acknowledge her death--either in the form of a short returned phone call or a note. Nothing.

So I'm feeling a bit angry--and sad--tonight. It feels like a slap in the face to the memory of my mother. And to me. I'm throwing a memorial party for her in a few days--I invited the cousins and only the one who's been in touch is coming. Her sister lied to me, first telling me her husband had to work that day (I later found out it was a lie) and now, saying she probably can't come since she might not have a baby sitter (I invited her personally 1 month ago and she said she would attend.) She hasn't even bothered to call me directly to say she's not coming. She told her sister, who told me.

I know I have to move forward--and I will--I'm a strong person. But it really hurts to be treated this way--especially since I'm alone.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Thanks

 
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Old 06-08-2010, 11:46 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 47
Anotheryear HB User
Re: angry/sad

Leila,

I'm so sorry for your loss and that I am only now responding to your post. Well, I just saw it. I can feel your pain and understand how difficult this must be for you. I am losing my Dad but still have my Mom. I am falling apart as things stand and shudder to think of what it's going to be like when I lose her too. I don't have a relationship with my siblings, cousins, etc. I don't have children either.

I have no words of wisdom, other than to suggest you look for some kind of grief group in your community. This is what I am going to do. I am learning that I cannot count on those I thought I could and am finding more kindness among strangers these days. It's hard to realize this is life and it's harsh, but it is what it is.

Hang in there and God Bless.

AY

 
Old 06-23-2010, 09:41 AM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 103
Pittsburgh_Flye HB UserPittsburgh_Flye HB User
Re: angry/sad

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss. I truly understand how you feel.

I am an only child; lost both of my parents (with whom I was EXTREMELY close to both) to cancer within 2.5 year of each other. I really have no family I keep in touch with; I have an out of state uncle and his wife and that's pretty much it.

It hurts deeply that I've been out of state to see this only blood relative with whom I thought I was close; however, for the past year he's been promising they would come visit (we only live about 4 hours from each other) but keeps blowing it off.

I guess the only way I'm dealing with it is pretty much writing them off in the way of having any expectations for the relationship to be as I wish it would be. I have gotten myself to accept the way it is; all the "if you need anything please call us" are just lip service, as they knew my personal situation was in an upheaval, especially when I lost my dad earlier this year, and never ONCE did they offer to come up and spend time with me.

We can't force people to act as we think they should so I think being realistic about it is the best way to handle it. Sad it has to be that way.

 
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