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Old 08-03-2010, 01:48 PM   #1
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Angry In Denial ... Really Need Help.

I'm 17 years old and in April this year, I lost my Nana to her 5th lot of Cancer. She was fighting it really well, then she went into hospital and we was told she had 2 brain tumours and they couldn't operate. They gave her 2 days maximum to live but she lived for 9 days. I was very close to her and lived with her. It's hit my Granddad straight away, and really bad. I quickly took on a lot of roles to help him around the house, such as paying bills etc ... Now, 3 months later I've suddenly got really emotional, angry with myself and life and also really violent. I'm taking my anger out on my boyfriend which can cause a lot of arguments. I've been told I need help but I'm scared that if they saw how I really was, then they'd put me on some kind of medication! Also, when I'm really upset, I listen to sad music or read grieving poems, which only gets me upset worse! Only my boyfriend and step mum know how I feel and know how I am. They both want me to get help but I say I don't need it. Also, when I'm upset, I nip and scratch deep into my skins, I've been told its self harming but I say it's not. I've shouted out to myself and my boyfriend that I want to be with my Nana. I know I won't do this, but I don't know what to do. My boyfriend says I'm grieving and that loosing my Nanna is hitting me. But I say I'm not - I'm in denial. Please help.

Last edited by s1993; 08-03-2010 at 01:49 PM.

 
Old 08-03-2010, 01:55 PM   #2
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

I'm sorry for your loss of your nana.....
everyone grieves in different ways, and there are different stages of grief. Right now you're in the anger stage.
Is there a counsellor at school you could talk to?

 
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Old 08-03-2010, 02:09 PM   #3
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

I'm not at school no more, I left last year and I'm starting college this year but at school there was no councillor.

 
Old 08-03-2010, 02:10 PM   #4
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

how about your family doctor? can you try that?

 
Old 08-03-2010, 02:14 PM   #5
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
how about your family doctor? can you try that?
I could try yes, I'm just really scared of what they will say or do. Also, I don't want my family to know as they have a lot to worry about themselves. So i confided in my Step Mum & Boyfriend. They help me a lot.

 
Old 08-03-2010, 02:19 PM   #6
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

what are you scared of? it's normal to feel sadness and grief when a loved ones dies.......they might offer you some grief counseling or anti-depressants if they think it might help. Don't be scared.

 
Old 08-03-2010, 02:27 PM   #7
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
what are you scared of? it's normal to feel sadness and grief when a loved ones dies.......they might offer you some grief counseling or anti-depressants if they think it might help. Don't be scared.
It doesn't feel normal. I'm scared of what they may say, or offer or give me. If they knew how I was at home, they would have something strong to say.

 
Old 08-03-2010, 02:33 PM   #8
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

believe it or not, your feelings are completely normal for someone losing a loved one.....you are not alone! If they can help you, it's worth a try!

 
Old 08-04-2010, 09:51 AM   #9
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

I am sorry for your loss. I recently lost my daughter. I think perhaps you are in denial. But maybe it is denial about how you feel about your loss. As you have stated you took on a lot of roles to help your grandfather and you may feel as though you need to be the strong person. I think that with so much change and all the things that are currently happening you haven't really stopped to really look at how you feel and why you feel that way, you just feel. As a human that is what you do. You could try and self medicate but that isn't always the best way to go about things because you think you know what you need but with all the change and having to think about how to help your grandfather and pay bills it gets a little lost in translation. Seeing a therapist is not a bad thing. Don't think of a therapist as "getting help". They are there to facilitate what you need. They are the other half of the conversation that will help YOU find what YOU need. I have seen a therapist on more than one occasion. You should find several people you are willing to see and figure out which one you like best and mesh with and see that person. They will say things that you may not like all the time but that is what they are there for. They are the person to hate and take the anger out on because they can take it. I would start with talking to someone and medication can be great but not always needed. If you need it a therapist will work with you to find that out. It is not forever, it is simply to help you get through this happy period. Besides that just going to see someone that you can ***** to about whatever you feel like and they can't tell a single soul is great!! You feel like wieght has lifted once you leave. Further more you don't have to tell anyone your going-not even your BF or stepmom if you don't want to.

As far as the music and poetry goes; when I was younger (and I am not much older than you) I used to do that too but as you said it only makes it worse. I would do the opposite. Listen to the opposite kind of music. I will blast whatever fun club song is popular at the time in the car (loud enough so I cannot think) and just sing or in my room so I can dance because it helps to give a break from what is really going on in the real world. You don't need a reminder but a miny vacation.

The digging into your skin is most likely caused by anxiety which will happen to anyone put in your position. Personally I pick think skin around my nails till it bleeds and then my nails look gross. Just keep an eye on it and don't do it on purpose. When it is done on purpose that is when it is serious and a problem. Find something else to do with your hands when you notice your doing that. Do you like to cook or bake?? I will bake a ton of cookies or whatever and then give it away to people. Not only does it keep my hands busy but I have gotten good at baking and people love it and it gives me a little ego boost when people say they love it!

You sound like someone who likes to be in control. Nothing is wrong with that. Find what works for you. You are worth being happy and your deserve it especially after a tough loss. When I lost my daughter I felt lost. You will never forget your Nan (sorry if I got that wrong) but I promise it will get easier everyday. I was a mess, a true mess but everyday it gets easier and yes some days I have bad days but those are to be expected. You will have good days. Things have changed you you will be the new you. Still you just the new you and taking that with you is ok. I hope this helps! If you want to talk more just keep posting or send me a message on here.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility." - Khalil Gibran

 
Old 10-28-2010, 07:29 AM   #10
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

Itís always so hard to lose someone you love, I lost my father to cancer and it left me feeling so helpless and angry at the world and depressed too, but it took me a while to realise that it was depression. I too had to take a lot on straight afterwards, my mother was in no condition to look after herself, so I had to make all the funeral arrangements and keep the house running. Never be afraid to go to your doctor for help or to have to take some sort of medication for depression, itís to help you and probably wonít be a permanent thing, but something to help you cope at the moment. You need to worry about YOU, and do whatís best for YOU. Please go talk to someone, it doesnít make you weak or a lesser person, we all need a helping hand at different times in our life, and at this time you really need to take the steps to helping yourself, or even getting your boyfriend to take you. I know when I first went to the doctor I was so embarrassed about depression, I wrote down everything I was feeling and just handed it over to my doctor, the suicidal thoughts the lot, even writing it all out made me feel somehow a little better. The doctor was fantastic and sent me to a psychologist who was young and understood so much and it was so helpful to have someone not judge me and who I could just spill everything out to, the doctor also put me on an anti depressant that helped so much to even out my moods and make me feel so much better. Please see someone, there are people who love and care for you and need you here. Hugs.

 
Old 12-15-2010, 03:09 PM   #11
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Re: In Denial ... Really Need Help.

i am really sorry for your loss i have loss many in my life and i understand how hurt you feel everyone handles lose different. I lost my dad both grandmas my aunt my grandpa and a uncle all in one year it was hard but i made it threw and four years ago my daughter was killed and i grieved horribly i just felt so lost and helpless i went threw many emotions. The reason i told you this was i to felt scared and kinda embaressed to see a therapist or a psychiatrist but i did and no it didnt help me but you can trust them more than probably anyone they can't tell people who you are or why you are there it's a safe place i suggest you try it i have seen it help others and i wish you the best of luck on your journey.

 
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