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kazzacamper · 09-17-2010, 01:39 PM

I am wondering if some one can help me over come my anxiety attached to my greif.
My Daughter Tracey passed away over ten years ago from a over dose of heroine and she was only 21 with a small child who is now 14yrs old.
I had my grandson come stay with me and i had only moved into a new home a wk proir to him coming and why he was staying the welfare did not want me to tell him me was staying with me.
This caused a lot of stress as they wanted me to lie for them. Tyson my grandson knew something was going on and he acted out really bad.
I did get so frustrated with him one day as he swore at me and I slapped his face.
I have regreated that from that moment on and I stopped seeing him as I was not prepared to lie for the welfare and he was unsettled and so was I.I am still very angry in side with myself for what I done and I am trying to see him now.
I blame myself for Traceys death and the fact that I did not speak out to Tyson about the truth and what was going on.
I have tried to stop this yet I feel like I am in a web.
When she was on the drugs and seeing her b/freind which was a heavy user/jailed a lot of times I turned my back on her and her life as i did not know how to cope.
I felt I just didn,t want to know as it hurt so badly.
I do not want to see greif counsellors as I have had a life of going over the same channels of counsellors and honestly got no where as I got sick of hearing them repeat themselfs and not telling the truth in a lot of ways.
I don,t talk to my family alot about it as I feel I do not get heard and no one has gone to Centennial Park to show respect for her.
I would love some help from people that have gone through this and then I maybe able to move on.
Where i am living there is a lot of this happening and I feel angry and very confined to staying at home .Please help me I would love some advice.

poweranimal · 10-10-2010, 07:40 AM

Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, have regrets and most of us hold anger either towards someone else, or ourselves. First you have to forgive yourself remembering that all of that is in the past. Once you forgive yourself and look at every day as a new beginning, a new blessing, then your future can only be brighter and happier. At that point you should sit down with your grandson and be completely honest with him about the past, how you are feeling, and how much you want him in your life.

When I was grieving the loss of my son I found that talking to my family and friends helped me tremendously, as did visiting his grave on a regular basis. Don't sit in your home all day - get out and visit your daughter's grave, tell her how you are feeling, talk to your family, and most importantly, start living life again. Smelling the roses and a gentle breeze caressing your cheek is such an awesome feeling.

kazzacamper · 10-25-2010, 02:30 PM

Thank you for you help. i do really appreciate it. I am going to take your advice and go speak to my daughter. I will start to 4 give myself and try very hard to keep this in mind. i would like to say i am happy to know I am not alone and that in this world people do care. maybe not the ones you hope for yet people like yourself. A freind is what i would call you, you have a big heart and you let me borrow some of it.

kazzacamper · 10-25-2010, 02:33 PM

Thank you for you help. i do really appreciate it. I am going to take your advice and go speak to my daughter. I will start to 4 give myself and try very hard to keep this in mind. i would like to say i am happy to know I am not alone and that in this world people do care. maybe not the ones you hope for yet people like yourself. A freind is what i would call you. you have a big heart and you let me borrow some of it.

poweranimal · 10-27-2010, 07:35 AM

I hope by now you have visited your daughter and found comfort in it. When I visited my son I would cry and cry, and then I felt like he wrapped his arms around me and I was able to breath again. It was wonderful and provided me with great peace....
You do have friends that care, don't ever forget that. You just have to remember to ask for their help.

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