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Old 10-25-2010, 04:21 AM   #1
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Hello321 HB User
Peoples' insensitivity

Has anyone found that people are very insensitive to grief? I lost my father very suddenly earlier this year so it's difficult to come to terms with it, in my lecture today the lecturer was talking about bereavement and how people should be over it in 2 months and its weird if they're not and everyone laughed. I understand that people dont understand and why should they if they haven't been through it, maybe grief for him was only when a person was old and expected to die in which case may mean that it took him 2 months to get over it but in cases where a person was young and it was very unexpected why should people laugh and go on about how they should be over it or they're weird. It makes me so angry and its so unfair that people are able to laugh because they dont have to experience it!!

 
Old 10-25-2010, 06:41 AM   #2
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dan49 HB User
Re: Peoples' insensitivity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hello321 View Post
Has anyone found that people are very insensitive to grief? I lost my father very suddenly earlier this year so it's difficult to come to terms with it, in my lecture today the lecturer was talking about bereavement and how people should be over it in 2 months and its weird if they're not and everyone laughed. I understand that people dont understand and why should they if they haven't been through it, maybe grief for him was only when a person was old and expected to die in which case may mean that it took him 2 months to get over it but in cases where a person was young and it was very unexpected why should people laugh and go on about how they should be over it or they're weird. It makes me so angry and its so unfair that people are able to laugh because they dont have to experience it!!
My condolences on your loss, I truly understand I lost my mother early this year. On Grief it depends on the person and the further they are removed from that person the less impact it has on their life. Sometimes that it is how some pepole deal with loss by laugh so it does not impact them as much.

I lost my younger brother 23 yrs ago and I am still not fully over it. I can accept yes fully over it no. Unfortunately that is how a lot of people are and when they can not relate to that situation they make fun, laugh or joke about it. Yes it makes me angry also.

If someone does that to you I believe you should tell them that you think that is insensitive and explain why and maybe then they might understand.

I wish you well and the loss does get better over time, but in some cases it never heals good luck and God Bless.

 
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:59 AM   #3
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Tristabella HB User
Re: Peoples' insensitivity

Yes it was insensitive, each person handles grief differently and I honestly don't think you ever get over the loss of a dearly loved person in your life, you just learn to cope with it, I lost my Dad 7 years ago and am no where near over his loss, and there are still times I have a good cry over him, but most of the time I try to remember how awesome he was and tell my kids all the funny stories about him, not only do those memoreies of him bring me joy, it keeps him alive in all our hearts.

I think it's really hard for people to truly understand loss unless they've been through it themselves, I know it was insensitive of them, but they are the lucky ones and one day they will inevitably lose someone and come to the realisation of what it's truly about.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss, try to remember the good times and savour those memories in your heart.

Bella

 
Old 12-06-2010, 12:56 PM   #4
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Re: Peoples' insensitivity

There is no time limit on grief and often when you may think it is behind you it pops back up and smacks you in the face. The intensity diminishes but the grief is always there some where.

I just experienced what I think is a very insensitive experience and by Hospice. The very people that claim they help the grieving. A little back ground. My dad died in Oct a rather unexpected sudden death, then the next month my 14.5 once in a life time dog died and it was 2 weeks before the 4th anniversary of my mom's death from cancer and 1 year after the loss of my other dog. (Ii have decided fall is not a good time for me) Anyway I am tangled in grief and some one suggested I got to the Hospice Light up a Life event. It is an event that you donate money to purchase stars for the Christmas tree and there is a ceremony where you hang them with the names of your loved ones on them and there are speeches and singing and lighting of the tree.

I thought OK I will do that as maybe It will bring some joy to my holidays. I purchased 5 stars and donated $20.00 each so $100.00 so was nothing to sneeze at. I made one for my Mom, dad, two aunts and the husband of a friend. I was told I would get them in the mail yet they did not arrive in time for the event. I went to the event early and explained it to the guy at the star table. His reply was "I am just a volunteer and I do not know if there is anything I can do to help you" ( hello these are paper stars not Gold why not just give me 5 the names of the 5 people are on the memorial list you have). Next I wandered over to the cookie table and the volunteers there helped me find the lady in charge and I explained it to her. Her reply was not Oh I am sorry let me get you some stars, no it was "well you will have to wait 15 minutes?" For what I have no idea but I waited, 15 minutes passed so I went to the star table again and was ignored when I tried to explain it yet again. In the mean time all the seats for the even were taken so now I would have to stand for the event.

At that point I wanted to just leave as it had ruined any joy I might have found. But I waited another 15 minutes and approached yet another volunteer at the memorial book table. This time I found someone with some compassion and SHE approached the lady in charge then went and got me my 5 stars. The lady in charge never came over and said I am sorry. I am still so confused by these actions as I said these were paper stars they had a box full that people were purchasing at the event so why not just hand me 5 when I explained it the first time? They made me feel so insignificant and small which is not how you want someone tangled in grief to be made to feel at such an event.

I did write hospice a letter and mailed it. I do not want an apology as it is too late for that as the evening was ruined but I did it in hopes that they never treat another grieving person that comes to them hoping to find some holiday joy in such an event that way.

 
Old 12-06-2010, 01:52 PM   #5
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Re: Peoples' insensitivity

They say the only way to experience something is to walk a mile in someones shoes and this is as true of grief as anything else.
I can take Months even years to come to terms with grief, not sure you ever get over losing someone.
Take care x x

 
Old 12-07-2010, 04:10 AM   #6
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Hello321 HB User
Re: Peoples' insensitivity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janmarie2 View Post
There is no time limit on grief and often when you may think it is behind you it pops back up and smacks you in the face. The intensity diminishes but the grief is always there some where.

I just experienced what I think is a very insensitive experience and by Hospice. The very people that claim they help the grieving. A little back ground. My dad died in Oct a rather unexpected sudden death, then the next month my 14.5 once in a life time dog died and it was 2 weeks before the 4th anniversary of my mom's death from cancer and 1 year after the loss of my other dog. (Ii have decided fall is not a good time for me) Anyway I am tangled in grief and some one suggested I got to the Hospice Light up a Life event. It is an event that you donate money to purchase stars for the Christmas tree and there is a ceremony where you hang them with the names of your loved ones on them and there are speeches and singing and lighting of the tree.


Sorry to hear that, especially because the people are supposed to know how to handle grief there! And thank you for your replies

I thought OK I will do that as maybe It will bring some joy to my holidays. I purchased 5 stars and donated $20.00 each so $100.00 so was nothing to sneeze at. I made one for my Mom, dad, two aunts and the husband of a friend. I was told I would get them in the mail yet they did not arrive in time for the event. I went to the event early and explained it to the guy at the star table. His reply was "I am just a volunteer and I do not know if there is anything I can do to help you" ( hello these are paper stars not Gold why not just give me 5 the names of the 5 people are on the memorial list you have). Next I wandered over to the cookie table and the volunteers there helped me find the lady in charge and I explained it to her. Her reply was not Oh I am sorry let me get you some stars, no it was "well you will have to wait 15 minutes?" For what I have no idea but I waited, 15 minutes passed so I went to the star table again and was ignored when I tried to explain it yet again. In the mean time all the seats for the even were taken so now I would have to stand for the event.

At that point I wanted to just leave as it had ruined any joy I might have found. But I waited another 15 minutes and approached yet another volunteer at the memorial book table. This time I found someone with some compassion and SHE approached the lady in charge then went and got me my 5 stars. The lady in charge never came over and said I am sorry. I am still so confused by these actions as I said these were paper stars they had a box full that people were purchasing at the event so why not just hand me 5 when I explained it the first time? They made me feel so insignificant and small which is not how you want someone tangled in grief to be made to feel at such an event.

I did write hospice a letter and mailed it. I do not want an apology as it is too late for that as the evening was ruined but I did it in hopes that they never treat another grieving person that comes to them hoping to find some holiday joy in such an event that way.

 
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