It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Grief & Loss Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-01-2011, 07:44 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 4
MissDK HB User
25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

I'm hoping someone can relate to me or help me try to feel better about my situation. I never post on boards but I was reading some posts on here tonight and felt compelled to post. Sorry if this is long.

I lost my mother when I was 16, and it was horrible. I only had my father and he was always out of town for work and I was very lonely and extemely depressed and suicidal. I had horrible panic attacks one was so bad I had to go to the hospital and my heart rate was so high I couldnt breathe and they came over with the crash cart and injected me with something to bring my heart rate down. Ever since I have been so afraid of having a panic attack that bad as I still get them but not to that extreme. I tried therapy but it didnt work for me. I hate talking about my feelings to consulers because they dont give you advise they just listen. If I talk to my friends or boyfriend they seem uncomfotable seeing me so upset about it and dont really know what to say.

Luckily I met my boyfriend and he helped me keep my mind of off things and I was able to start to be normal again after 2 years. My father was diagnosed with cancer last year and died within 3 months of finding out. The worst thing was I stayed at the hospital all the time with him and some friends made me leave to go home to shower and eat and while I was gone he passed. I am so upset about this and I know not to dwell on it because its not going to change anything but I cant help it.

I have no family (my moms side was very small and live on the east coast, I am west coast) and barely talk to me. My fathers family lives in another country. I have no siblings and I feel so alone. No one will ever see me have kids or get married or see me grow up. I have no one to go to for advice (parents always know best). My boyfriends family is very good to me but its not the same. I hate when people who dont know my personal life ask me if I'm going to my parents for Christmas or ask about my parents because I dont want to bring it up. They always ask so many questions and give me a horrible look when I tell them.

My boyfriend wants to get married and have a wedding and I just want to sign the papers and we argue about it all the time. I dont want to have a wedding with no one on my side! How horrible to walk down the isle by yourself?? He says its not fair to not have his family there which is true but I feel like I have no strength to do this.

I feel so sad and I dont know anyone my age who has gone through anything remotely similar. Please if someone is out there with advise or words experiences I would appreciate it so much. The holidays always make me so sad and I dont know what to do anymore. I have no faith in anything. Its awful.

Thank you for reading...

 
The following 3 users give hugs of support to: MissDK
beccablob (10-11-2011), JCoggin (01-05-2011), rainbow245 (05-14-2011)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-01-2011, 10:21 PM   #2
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 4
MissDK HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

53 views and no replies....came to the wrong place I guess

 
The following user gives a hug of support to MissDK:
APTVDM (01-03-2011)
Old 01-03-2011, 04:59 AM   #3
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: south africa
Posts: 6
APTVDM HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

Hi, I just wanna say to you that you must always always remember... I know that you feel alone and that losing your parents at such a young age hurts so much. But remember you are not alone. I lost my Parents both when I was 14 years old. Do you know what got me through. Knowing that I am not alone even thought it feels like I am. I don't know what your relationship with your mother and father was like, so I hope it's o.k for me to say..Do not worry..In a strange way it feels good knowing that ..remember they are still with you. Even though you can not see them..they are there. My parents have been gone over 10 years already now and I still need them everyday of my life. I know I will never have that but I still speak to them as if they are right next to me. Of course if someone should hear me they would think I am
grazy. Because I am suppose it sounds wierd of me to have a huge conversation with myself .. but it helps me. I still speak to them everyday. Like now with christmas I told my dad that I miss him even more in special times like these. My friend it is not gonna get better( like some people say) it doesn't. But it's the way you deal with it that makes it seams better. Never feel alone. They will always be there. That's what I believe. Yes its true. I got married age 20 years old. I am now 27 years old. On my wedding day I cried my eyes out. I'm sure there are people who maybe thought that it was tears of happyness. But it wasn't. I couldn't even enjoy my special day. Because I also had nobody there. What was the saddest to me was when I walked into the after party thing.. there were so many people but I burst out in tears. I suppose it looked bad but I could not help crying. It was my day of joining with someone but still I felt so alone. I gave birth to my child and I felt so alone. There were no one there to tell me what to do. How to do it? I felt lonely,,but then I thought to myself. THANK YOU GOD. I HAVE BEEN ALONE FOR SO LONG... NOW LOOK WHAT YOU GAVE ME...MY CHILD. FROM NOW ON I WILL NEVER EVER FEEL ALONE AGAIN. Today if ever I feel alone I think of my child and then I realize that I am not alone and will never ever be alone again. I lost many in life but He gave me my child.
I really hope that my words whould help you somehow. Be strong. I think I know what your talking about. Life aint easy...wish it was.

 
Old 01-03-2011, 06:11 PM   #4
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 4
MissDK HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It may seem dumb to you but your response helped me feel better. After not seeing any replies and all views I felt like maybe I was the only one who lost both parents so young and felt really bad. Thanks for the words I truly appreciate it

 
Old 01-04-2011, 03:27 AM   #5
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: south africa
Posts: 6
APTVDM HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

I am glad that I could be of some help. Hope your doing well.
Take care of yourself.

 
Old 01-04-2011, 08:26 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 911
whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

Ms. DK-

I lost both my parents before I was 40. They died a year apart, my dad from a brain tumor and my mom from heart failure. I do have some cousins and aunts and uncles. I try to make the family reunion every year. I went to see a therapist to help me with dealing with the deaths.

One thought that might have escaped you, I'll bet good money that neither of your parents would have left you if they had been given the choice.

I think that you need to contact both sides of the family, and tell them how much you would enjoy getting to visit them in the future. You need to ask or you'll never know.

As for your wedding, I'd advise against a simple legal ceremony. Have a small ceremony, perhaps on the beach. Invite your friends and the closest family members. Perhaps one of them might walk you down the aisle, or a close teacher.

Please take time to speak with a therapist. It will give you a chance to air all your thoughts to a non-judgemental professional.

I pray that you find some peace and a way to deal with your losses.

wb

 
Old 01-05-2011, 12:18 PM   #7
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: St. Joseph, TN.
Posts: 19
JCoggin HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

MissDK,

Just wanted to let you know that I care.

Our stories sound very familiar. My dad passed away when I was 18 months old and my mother never remarried, I was an only child. When I was 20 my mother was diagnosed with terminal esophageal cancer, that was in March of 1988. She passed away on Jan. 6, 1989 after spending the final 89 days of her life in the hospital, I stayed with her from 6:00PM to 7:00AM every night, I was with her when she took her last breath just before 7:00AM that morning. Tomorrow it will be 22 years since she passed and I still hurt in some way everyday. I hurt because I miss her, I hurt because she never got to see me marry and will never know her granchildren nor will they know her. I go from being sad to mad and back to sad again. The holidays are especially hard for me because it's like reliving her hospital stay all over again, year after year. I have a very few AUnts and Uncles left but they have their own families to deal with and I always feel like an outsider when I am around them. The whole deal just really sucks to be quite honest. I know all of this babbling by me probably isn't helping you but if nothing else just remember there's someone out here that understands and cares how lonely you feel. Hang in there and stay in touch.

JC

 
Old 01-05-2011, 01:25 PM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,894
Blog Entries: 12
jennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB Userjennybyc HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

You aren't alone. Both me and my best friend, lost our parents by age 25. It's one of the things that bonds us. We both knew what it was like.

Look for support groups for those who are grieving through hospitals or churches or on-line and then seek out someone your own age. It can be a huge help to have someone your age going through the same thing you are.

Sadly,there are lots of young people in your shoes. If you reach out, they will reach back and you can all help yourselves.

I'm so sorry.

gentle hugs...........Jenny(now 59)

 
Old 01-22-2011, 01:22 PM   #9
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: slovenia
Posts: 1
myhx HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

Hello, my name is Miha I am from other part of the world and have experianced the early loss of my parents. My mother died from brest cancer when i was 15 years old, that was total shock for me. I was so attached to her, i couldnt think, slip, eat, nothing... But as the time goes i slowly gathered my thougts together and start living. I met a girl who realy helped me start believeing its worth living.
From the day my mother died my family (that is my father and sister) fall apart, my father was too weak and started running away from responsibilities, my sister was living far away. My father couldnt put together his life so he committed suicide when i was 25. It was so horrible my worst nightmare came true. Thankfully i had this wonderful girl at my side and her familly that helped me and is still helping me every day!!!
Right now when im writing this i feel this loneliness that your talking about.
I realy doubth that this helped you in some way, but i just had to share my story with you, because when i red your story i was in tears.
best of luck!

 
Old 01-26-2011, 08:50 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Rochester, NY USA
Posts: 950
sawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

I guess you may or may not agree with my thoughts, but wanted to share. I believe that you make your life what it is. Even though my dad died when he was 76, it was still like I never really had a dad anyway. He was always drunk, out at the bars, and we always worried if he'd make it home without killing himself or someone else. Like you, I was with my father the last few weeks in the hospital until one night my sister and brother told me to go home and they would stay. He passed that night. I believe that your dad and mine felt we were better off not seeing them take their last breath.

The only comfort you can take is the fact that they are no longer in pain, they are waiting for you, and your memories. You have to make yourself smile more than cry when you think about their life. You are not the one that died. You have to continue on and they would not want you to walk around so depressed and sad. Life and death go hand in hand. We have to also.
__________________
If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

 
Old 01-26-2011, 07:22 PM   #11
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 196
Happy Days HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

I don't know exactly how you feel but I loss my mother when I was 26 and my father died from Parkinson's on December 26, 2010. The pain of losing both of your parents no matter what your age is devastating. There is a saying that says "No man is an island". There are people out there who love you, including your boyfriend and I am sure extended family members. Our parents will always be with us in our hearts and through our grief but we can make others family too. Believe me I know it doesn't replace them and right now accepting the fact that I have loss both of my parents is hard but I know I have family and friends who care about me too.

 
Old 02-02-2011, 04:28 PM   #12
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 4
MissDK HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

Wow thank you so much to everyone who replied! I have not been online in a while and when I came here I wasnt expecting so many thoughful responses. Thank you to ALL. I have read everyone of your posts and all of them have been very helpful. It really helped me lift my spirits a bit to read all the comments. After every response I read I wanted to reply personally but as I kept reading I realized if I did I would be on here for hours typing

Thank you all so much, and god bless. I am also very sorry to hear about your losses as well. I guess we just have to make it though, huh?


Last edited by MissDK; 02-02-2011 at 04:30 PM.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to MissDK For This Useful Post:
JCoggin (02-02-2011)
Old 02-03-2011, 09:51 AM   #13
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 7
DiggDigg HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

My mother died when I was four and half years old and my father remarried a few months later and I rarely see them anymore. Years later I am still haunted by what happened to me and I feel a yearning for my mother that seems like it will never go away. At my wedding I felt extremely uncomfortable and I think it was because I felt like my mother should be there when she wasn't. I also hate the holidays because I feel like I have no family but what can you do? I find the comment about thinking about my children helpful because that does make me feel like I am not alone, although I often slip into that way of thinking and it is hard to avoid. I think the worse thing is feeling like there is no one who understands me because when a child loses a mother at a young age it is not possible to grieve like you can when you are older so you remain stuck.

 
Old 03-09-2011, 06:52 PM   #14
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 1
qtpie983 HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

OMG I am in a very similar boat. Well, to a degree. I'm 27 and when I was 24 I lost both my mom, dad, and grandma on Christmas Day from a drunk driver (also drugged up on cocaine) - I OFTEN think about who will walk me down the aisle. However, your lucky you have a boyfriend who wants to marry you! I know my boyfriend and I will get wed some day, but I probably won't see a proposal in another two years. Think of this as a step of starting your own NEW family. It will suck to never have a mother or father to look up to anymore or get advise from (god, I'm so good at sounding positive and giving advice but I seriously need to listen to myself and take it because I get VERY down on myself and get in these holes of crying spells and ..eh, you get me)

Thankgod I found this site and I found you!

I only know one other person who lost both of her parents, and she is in my town (rare).

I watched both of my parents walk my sister down the aisle. They actually fought over it - my mom was like, "why do you get to walk her down? I PUSHED her out!!" - it was hilarious. But now, I don't get either one of them to walk me down when it's my turn. Do you have any grandparents? I was hoping my father's father (my grandpa) would walk me down but he might not live that long...If not, maybe you can have your boyfriend's father OR another man in your life that you look up to (could be a friend of your parents or friends father...) It's not the same but if you don't want to walk alone, you know? Or hell, have a best friend walk you down!!!! That could be sentimental and special in it's own way maybe...someone who has been in your life the longest...

I do have two sisters so that is a huge help and I feel so sorry you have nobody but to be honest, I wasn't that close with my sisters and it took us 3 years to build a bond and you know who I had before we got close? My friends. My friends were my family members. I know it's not the same but all the friendships I made and built throughout the years who stuck by me? They are family members, and they are the only family I feel I have. They will be your "aunti's" and "uncle's" when you have kids.

Maybe don't have a huge wedding but something small and intimate and know that your parents will both be there.

Let's chat ok?
I don't know anybody either aside from that one other girl I mentioned who doesn't have either of their parents (who are YOUNG for that matter) - I mean, most people are older when they lose their parents (in 50's or older)...

We are instant young adult orphans really, you know?
Ay....

Anyway, email me anytime.
-Michelle-
xo

 
Old 08-08-2011, 10:50 PM   #15
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 1
syiznits HB User
Re: 25 Years Old, Lost Both Parents and Have No Siblings-Help

hello, I just signed up to this sight because of your post. Your not the only one, I just turned 23 and lost both my parents within 4yrs. I feel the same way u do, and after crying alone felt like seeing what google had to say. Luckily I do have a brother but he lives in fl. I am just waiting for this to get easier and I know from experience it does I just dont know if now that theyre both gone if it wont...

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Grieving, I just lost my wife, looking for support. shelle1982 Grief & Loss 31 10-16-2011 06:56 AM
I'm 45, have no parents left, and am lost... Daughterlost Grief & Loss 8 10-11-2011 06:52 AM
I lost my father almost a month ago CiCi01 Grief & Loss 25 07-18-2010 11:12 PM
Lost my dad 3 weeks ago Cazzalou Grief & Loss 1 07-04-2008 06:23 PM
I just lost my Mom... Emptybonz Grief & Loss 19 07-10-2007 07:21 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Ivorygirl (13), rosequartz (11), slenderella (8), writeleft (4), JJ (4), caringsister54 (3), Charlyssa (3), jesseca (3), Titchou (2), Kszan (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1162), MSJayhawk (991), Apollo123 (890), Titchou (826), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (757), ladybud (742), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:53 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!