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Old 01-28-2011, 05:14 PM   #1
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irishinchicago HB User
Unhappy family divided after father's death

my father died 1 year ago and my sister (who is an alcoholic) and the oldest child, has made my brother's and my life a living ----. It is so depressing I haven't talked to her for 6 months. She alienated my brother and I from our father before he died so we didn't know what she was doing. She spent all his money and changed the locks on his house so my brother and I could not have access to it. All three of our names are on the house. We have an attorney but that doesn't help the betrayal I feel, and the hurt of not being able to spend time with our Dad before he died. It's very hard not to think about it constantly. Any advise?

 
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Old 01-28-2011, 05:42 PM   #2
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Re: family divided after father's death

First, I am sorry to hear of your loss.

Since your sister is sick with the disease of alcoholism and is not acting in her right mind she has made some very poor decisions that will have affect her relationship with the most important people in her lives, you and her sisters, for the rest of not only hers, but all of yours lives. I am afraid that cannot be undone.

What is left is how you choose to deal with this. When nothing can be changed, all that you can change is your attitude about it.

I would take your thoughts off your sisters choices, which were terrible and made out of illness.

I would focus on putting together a special memorial to the father that you knew and loved, and who loved you. Do not let this sick woman dictate your memories of your wonderful father.

Then forgive her so you can live on without that burden or anger.

Last edited by writeleft; 01-28-2011 at 05:42 PM.

 
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Old 01-28-2011, 05:49 PM   #3
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Re: family divided after father's death

thank you so much for the kind words, I want to move on, and your words may just help me do that

 
Old 01-29-2011, 02:09 PM   #4
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Re: family divided after father's death

I hope so. I have also lived my entire life with a sister that has gone undiagnosed with a severe mental illness for 53 years now. She has done nothing but reak havoc in my parents and I's life. Finally, under the advice of a specialist in her particular illness my parents had to write her out of the will and put the power into my hands, just to avoid what you are now going through. I still dread when that day comes for many reasons, but I refuse to fight her for money. That just sickens me.

I had to cease all contact with her to protect myself and my children from her which was heartbreaking, because it left me without my only sister. Even though we never had a good relationship, there was always hope in my eyes. It took some counseling to help me let her go, but I have and life is much better without her constant problems, constant fighting and all the rest.

When we cannot change things, we can always change our attitude about them. That is my mantra.

That experience is where my advice came from, so it comes from my heart, and if it helped you a bit, I am grateful. Please feel free to come back, we are here to help, and I am here everyday.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your father and for your sisters illness, which led to all of this. Love always wins in the end.

 
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