Hi Winterbreeze ~ I just wanted to send you some ((((HUGS)))) and let you know that I do understand some of your pain.
I am in my 50's and my mom was my best friend too. And I lost her 10 months ago and I still miss her so very much.
I can't even imagine how it must feel at 25 to have lost your mom.....I wish it didn't have to be that way for you.
I lost my youngest brother only 9 months before losing my mom so I feel as if half my family is gone and it is so hard sometimes to go on without them.
There is a void and a sadness in not having them here where I would like them to be.
I think what has helped me the most is the wonderful memories we made together. Those are still with us even though our loved ones no longer are and they are what I hold onto and KNOW will sustain me until I am with them again.
I also find that doing something special in their honor helps me through.....I made a special garden in honor of my mom and when I go sit near it I feel her near and as the flowers and plants grow I feel her still living on in a different way.
Like you, I have a strong faith and that really gets me through the difficult days when I am missing them the most.
My mom's birthday is coming up too....it will be the first one I won't have with her but I am going to do something to celebrate it in a special way.
I am thinking of buying a balloon with "Happy Birthday" on it and writing a short note and releasing it into the sky in honor of her day. I will also put a special one in her garden to show I am remembering her.
Your mom only passed on a few months ago.....it is still new and the reality of her no longer being here in the physical sense is so painful.
Give yourself permission to grieve and be gentle with yourself while you do so.
I know that my mom would want me to take care of myself and not be sad for too long so I try, as hard as it is at times, to go on doing the things I KNOW she would want me to do to be happy in life.
I am sorry that your dad isn't a part of your life like he should be and that you really don't have many family members to turn to for support.
You say that you have cousins who have lost family too so perhaps you can reach out to them and try to find comfort just in knowing that there are others who understand.
They may not be in close proximity but there is thge internet and cell phones that make it so much easier to stay in touch with those who live far away.
Your Uncle doesn't seem like the best support for you right now even though he is the only one close by. I would advise you find better support for yourself than that.
I would encourage you to go to your church to see if there is a support group for those who have lost a loved one.
Only others who are grieving, like you, will understand your pain and I have found, that like anything in life, nobody truly understands other than somebody else who is walking in the same pair of shoes.
Take one day at a time.....you HAVE lost a significant part of your life....a mom is like a lifeline to us and when we lose her we feel like we are drowning. We will always miss them but we can learn to go on and honor them by doing what they always wanted for us and that is to find happiness in our lives.
Also....your mom is still very much near.....talk to her and know that she still listens. You may not hear her in the way you are use to but there will be new ways of seeing her presence in your life if you open your heart to it.
I have found this to be with both my brother and my mom in a way that only I could understand and KNOW was coming from them.
You will miss your mom always but it will get better with time. You will, with your faith and openness to that faith, find a way to go on without her, knowing that she is still a BIG part of your life in all that she left you in her loving words and deeds.
And you will smile and even laugh outloud at some of those memories that come your way to help carry you through the times you are missing her so.
I wish I could help you more but hope that somehow my words help lessen your pain.
I am sending lots of (((HUGS))) your way and hope that you won't hesitate to come here if you need to talk or share. I will try my best to help lessen your pain.
Love ~ Ivory