Hi May.....so sorry to hear about your loss and understand how even after years it can still be felt. How sad that others don't understand that loss unless they have been through it themselves. Glad that we can be here for you.
Thanks, Patty, for your sweet words.
I don't know how I got the strength to have endured what I have, two significant losses in such a short time. I guess it was what my mom and brother taught me, that to best honor them I must do like they did and celebrate every moment that comes my way.....I mean in both cases I had to celebrate sadness along with joy.
My brother passed away just days before my youngest daughter's prom and HS graduation and my mom passed away just weeks before my older daughter's college graduation....it would have been her first grandchild's graduation from college and she so wanted to be there.
Anyway....today I am preparing to go to be with my dad.....it will be a year since my mom's passing on the 23rd and there is a memorial mass in honor of her this Sunday.
So I am going to make a trip to be with dad.....my brother will go to be with him next weekend since there is another memorial mass for her then as well.
This way we will sandwich the 23rd and be there for one another.
My mom's ashes are in a special box on my dad's coffee table and it will be good to visit with her.
When her time was drawing near she asked me if I wanted some of her ashes in a special memorial necklace, that it was a little costly but since she only had one daughter she would make arrangements. I chose not to do so because I knew that she didn't want to offend anybody.
But now I actually wish that I did have some of her ashes to have with me.
I am out of state and at least I could bring her places with me.....I guess it's silly but perhaps I will discuss that with my dad at a better time.
I really do miss her and was watching a Joan Rivers episode when she had her friend's ashes and promised to sprinkle them all over special places he LOVED after he was gone.
I thought it would be nice to have some of mom in a special small sealed container to bring along with me....here and there.
But I know that isn't necessary but I still feel a need to have a physical part of her and now that a year has passed am sorry that I didn't think about that at the time.
A year ago I was so numb and unable to think of what I wanted or needed.....I just wanted my mom to be with me and couldn't believe she was gone.
I wanted to make this weekend special for my dad in someway and for us.
I am bringing along a game to play with my dad and his favorite gumdrops. And I am making up a loaf of mom's banana bread to share with him too.
I also found a person on e bay who makes up memorial dog tags.
It was a last minute thing and I wanted to have something to commemorate mom and my brother as well.
So I made up a cover tag with a Monarch Butterfly on it with an inscription that says "Forever In My Heart". Behind that one will be one with a picture of my mom and on the back of the tag an inscription with her full name and then a personal note such as "Loving Mom & Friend" followed by her date of birth and death.
And I made one up for my brother too with the same idea so that we will have something to wear or hang on our rearview mirrors or wherever we want.
I made enough up for my family, my two brother's families, my Aunt and cousin and my dad too.
I will give my brother who passed away's family theirs on his 2nd Anniversary which falls on Father's Day this year......he had 6 children and I know that they will be really missing him this year and wanted to have something special for them.
As strong as I am, as I write this my eyes are filling with tears.
I miss them so much, half my nuclear family is gone and the void is just so unbelievable at times.
WoodsWalker.....I hope that you are still peeking in and know that we understand and that you are not alone.
Love and ((((HUGS)))) to all whose hearts are aching ~ Ivory