Hi Pattycake ~ Losing a mom is so difficult especially if she was your best friend, the one you shared all your hopes, fears, prides and joys with and could open up your heart to knowing no matter what, that unconditional love would always be there.
Nobody could compare to that type of love that you got from her or had for her other than God.
Yes, that type of love is the closest that one can perceive being like God's love for each of HIS children and it is the purest and most secure love, that between mother and child.
And then suddenly it is gone, in one fleeting moment and it feels as if your entire world has been turned upside down.
I understand, I lost a brother and my mom 9 months of one another and must say that the loss of my mom has been so much more difficult to bear.
I was close to both, however, I am feeling the loss of my mom so much more because of the special love and friendship we shared.
It is still quite new for you but I do think that you may need some help in your grieving process.
You seem depressed, and although this is a part of the grieving process you seem stuck there and should keep a watch over it so that it doesn't become unhealthy.
I was finding myself struggling around 6 months after losing my mom, enough to seek out a therapist to talk things out.
It helped and I would encourage you to perhaps think about going to a therapist who specializes in grief counseling or even a bereavement support group where you can be with others who are grieving where you will find understanding and the ability to talk about what is going on inside of you.
Meanwhile, know that you are not alone, that there are some of us who "get it" and have lost a mother too and feel your pain in a similar way.
And we go on, as difficult as that may be, to live our lives to the fullest knowing that it is what our mom's or loved ones would want us to do.
In just 2 days it will be a year since my mom left us and my heart still aches to have her here with me.
And I think that I will always feel that void no matter how much time may pass.
I am sorry that you are hurting and finding it difficult to enjoy day to day life.
That will get better, it may take some time but you will find a way to celebrate daily life again, you just need to know that it's okay to do so.
(((((HUGS)))))) ~ Ivory