veewee

Mom has been gone a year and half now and my life is still turned upside down. I have never felt so much grief as I have in loosing my mom. She died from a blood clot that caused an aortic rupture whle at work. Her and my dad had just gotten back from their annual anniversary trip that they take every year. They had just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary 2 days before her death. It was such a shock to our whole family as mom was never sick. She was the driving force of our whole family. She was a hands on mom and grandma. My grief is overwhelming at times and I have these panic attacks now... I worry about my dad and children as they are also suffering from severe grief. My dad was put on anti-depressants over a year ago when he was having a hard time just getting through the day. I being a person who has never liked taking drugs, and believe in treating things naturally if possible felt that if I just keep busy and see a therapist I could overcome my grief or at least minimize it. People kept telling me that it gets easier with each day, but a year and half had past and I was still crying every single day. Sometimes I would cry all day long. I finally broke down and let my doctor put me on anti-depressants after I had an episode at Christmas time that scared me. I was watching a sad christmas movie that would have normally brought tears to my eyes and made me weep, however I started bawling uncontrollably and went through a large box of tissue in less then an hour. I just could not stop crying for anything. My daughter (who is 18) convinced me finally to go get on antidepressants. She herself had finally asked the doctor for them after suffering for over a year with her grief. I want to be strong for my children and my dad. I know in order to do that I know need to take care of myself. I only want to take these pills for a short term and am hoping that I can get off of them within the year. But I know that if I kept going the way I was going I would have pushed away everyone I love and who loves me. Things are looking brighter everyday. I think about mom everyday and think about the great times we had, I can now do these without crying. Miss you mom!!!