Totally Empty -- New to Forum

[marcy779]

I have been reading on the message boards and so many things people are writing is hitting home. I am not a very good with words, but I will give it a shot what else do I have to lose
I loss my Husband 4 weeks ago. we had been married 25 years, we lived together 9 years before we married, I had been with him since I was 16.
We did everything together. I miss him so much its unbearable. Im having trouble eating, am having hot flashes and then get sick to my stomach I dont know if I am going to be able to do this I have never been by myself. I dont know what to do, I have been just paseing the floor not knowing what to do to get this empty feeling to go away, everything and everywhere reminds me of him. I have plenty of family around but its not what I want, its not him. I just dont know where to go from here. My heart is actally hurting and I cant stop crying. I have to go back to work soon and dont know how Im going to leave this house. I keep praying

[emeraldsea]

Oh Marcy...I almost don't know what to say to you...I am so deeply sorry for your loss. While I haven't lost my husband, I recently lost my mom (in March), and I understand your grief. You and I might be about the same age, I think. I also met my husband when I was 15, we just had our 28th anniversary, and like you, we do everything together, so we have some things in common. I honestly don't know what I would do in your place...After losing someone so important in your life, who has been with you so long, I completely understand why you are feeling the way you are. You said that you have family around you, but all you want is your husband, and I totally understand that, but I know that you know that is not possible now, and you must find a way to allow your family and friends to help you through this....They can see how you are grieving, and they want to help you, as much as they can. It's true they aren't your husband, but they love and care for you, and want to help...Please let them. I know you are feeling alone now, but you aren't...Don't forget that. Unfortunately, and I know you've already heard this probably a thousand times by now, but time is the thing that will help eventually. You are very new to this situation right now, and I know that "give it time" is the last thing that you want to be told, but as the days and weeks go by, it will, eventually, become are little less difficult...It will never not be hard, but it will become a bit less difficult as time goes by. You will always love and miss your husband..That will not change...But as your life continues, you will find ways to get through this and will find happiness again. I know right now it doesn't seem like it, but you will, and I know that your husband would want you to go on with your life and to be happy again. Although he is no longer with you here, he will always be with you, just in a different way.

It's been 3 months tomorrow since my mom died, and it is still hard for me...I miss her so much, and some days are harder than others, but it is a bit easier than it was. For example, Saturday was a tough day (cried off and on during the day), but yesterday and today have been better, and I think you will find that to to be true for you too. Some days won't be too bad, others, not so much.

I understand you have been having some physical symptoms since your husband died...This is not uncommon when people are grieving deeply... I have also had some physical issues of my own since losing my mom. This is not unusual, but if it is frightening you, and/or impacts your daily life to a large extent, you may want to talk to your doctor, just to be safe...Dealing with grief can cause a number of physical problems in many people, and touching base with your doctor is not a bad idea.

As for going back to work, I know that must seem like climbing a mountain to you now...But, many people find that returning to their "normal" routine after a period of time, actually helps in some ways. Being back at work can help keep your mind focused on other things, and this often helps a bit. Don't expect too much of yourself at first...Getting back into the "groove" will take time (there's that word again), but eventually, things will get a bit easier.

If times does go by and you feel that you are "stuck" in your grief, please do not hesitate to get some help with that. There are clergypeople as well as grief therapists, counselors and support groups (every community has them) who can help you with this, and you would be surprised how many people take advantage of this. There is comfort in speaking to others who are (or have been) in a similar situation as yourself. In the meantime, be patient with yourself, take care of your health (grief can take a toll on that), and remember that there are many who care about you and want to help. Also please remember that your husband would want you to be happy again, and that you will be together again, someday.

Well, sorry this is sooo long...Take good care, and don't be afraid to make use of this message board...It really does help. As you've already seen, there are many here who've been where you are and want to help.

God bless...
Emeraldsea

[marcy779]

I want to thank you so very much for your support and sharing your views it does mean alot.
I still have my mother, she's not in real good health I talk to her every day and I can't even emagine not having her. I to am very sorry for your loss and glad to hear it will get a little better over time. To hear this from someone who's been there means alot.
Lost my dad about 4 years, but wasn't as close to him as I would have liked, my parents divorced when I was 3 and didn't spend much time with him untill the last 8 years, so it didn't hit me in any way like this. I have to go to dr tomarrow and I will share this with him I have to do something.
We might be about the same age I just turned 50 in march.
Thanks Again

[emeraldsea]

Marcy~You are very welcome, and thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry about your dad, but I'm glad that you did have the opportunity to spend more time with him before he died. I'm also very happy to hear that you still have your mom during this difficult time...Mom's are special. I love my dad very much, but have not been as close to him as I was to my mom...She and I were always very close, and losing her has been very, very hard. But, as I said, it does get a bit better as time passes...There are good days and bad days, but time does help.

I'm glad to hear that you're going to talk to your doctor about this...Don't ever be afraid to mention a loss like this to your physician. Dealing with grief can and often does make an impact on your overall well being, and especially if you are having some physical symptoms, your doctor needs to know.

And, we are about the same age. In fact, we are exactly the same age...I will turn 50 (oh joy! ) on June 27th, and I am just sooo excited about that!!(ugh!) Happy belated 50th to you...

I hope things begin to get a bit less difficult for you as time passes...I think they will. Don't be afraid to lean on those who care about you, and just take it one day at a time. Take good care, and hang in there.

Emeraldsea