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Old 06-22-2011, 06:09 PM   #1
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Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

I am currently 33. I was looking for someone with a story like mine altho I have never meet someone with a story even somewhat like my own. I was reading the posts on here. People posting they lost their parents at a young age, young like 30. Boy what I wouldnt have given to have 30 years with mom and dad.
I have never gotten over the loss. Mom died when I was 9 of a heart attack. 9 months later after I had turned 10, my father died in a car wreck. I had an uncle once tell me the family thought I would go crazy and they would have to put me away when Dad died.
I coped. I dont know how. People tell me I am the strongest person they have ever meet. I rarely tell people both parents are dead. It makes me embarrassed. People never understand and then they start with the same response "Oh my God!. I'm so sorry! How did it happen? How old were you? I couldnt live without MY parents! I'm so sorry"
I get sad to this day. I cry a lot. I miss them everyday. For 23-24 yrs now. It never ends for me. The hurt. I hide my depression. It really gets me some days but most I do just fine.
I have one son, named after Dad of course. My aunt raised me. All together I had a horrible childhood. My family was mean to me and picked on me. I always believed its b/c mom and dad wasnt there to protect me.
Anyhow, I am a while adjusted adult over all. Altho I would love to hear from someone who like me, lost their parents as children.

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Old 06-22-2011, 06:45 PM   #2
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Quote:
Originally Posted by onecoolbunny View Post
I am currently 33. I was looking for someone with a story like mine altho I have never meet someone with a story even somewhat like my own. I was reading the posts on here. People posting they lost their parents at a young age, young like 30. Boy what I wouldnt have given to have 30 years with mom and dad.
I have never gotten over the loss. Mom died when I was 9 of a heart attack. 9 months later after I had turned 10, my father died in a car wreck. I had an uncle once tell me the family thought I would go crazy and they would have to put me away when Dad died.
I coped. I dont know how. People tell me I am the strongest person they have ever meet. I rarely tell people both parents are dead. It makes me embarrassed. People never understand and then they start with the same response "Oh my God!. I'm so sorry! How did it happen? How old were you? I couldnt live without MY parents! I'm so sorry"
I get sad to this day. I cry a lot. I miss them everyday. For 23-24 yrs now. It never ends for me. The hurt. I hide my depression. It really gets me some days but most I do just fine.
I have one son, named after Dad of course. My aunt raised me. All together I had a horrible childhood. My family was mean to me and picked on me. I always believed its b/c mom and dad wasnt there to protect me.
Anyhow, I am a while adjusted adult over all. Altho I would love to hear from someone who like me, lost their parents as children.

Thanks
D

 
Old 07-14-2011, 06:32 AM   #3
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

I lost my mother first-at 11. She woke up in the morning, say bye to me as I left. When they came to pick me up a few hours later from saturday school, she had died. Presumed heart attach, but no autopsy was done. A year later, almost to the day, my father died of a heart attack (presumed again, based on his history). And that was it-I was an orphan. I am now 61 with 4 kids. The decisions that were made by others for me shaped and misshaped my life. What else to say? The grief is with you forever, in ways you don't immediately realize.

 
Old 07-19-2011, 08:21 AM   #4
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Hi, I was adopted at 3 years of age and my adopted mom died when I was 12 years old. I was glad that I had a loving, connected and a mom who taught me right from wrong and who loved me unconditionally. My dad wanted a son to adopt but got me and when my mom died wanted to give me to my aunts. I had promised my mom that I would stay with him because she asked me to. She had leukemia and had time to give me instructions. It was a very hard 6 years until I turned 18 and he said at 18 I was to leave. I have always remembered my mom and it has been over 40 years. I still miss her but learned at 18 to rely on Jesus. I found my biological mom and I am a secret in her family so that will never be a connection. I have tried to connect with my dad emotionally since I realize he was grieving for my mom and didn't know how to raise a teenager daughter. I still struggle and had three sons but gave them up to my ex-husband because I didn't have the tools to be a good mom. I could take care of them when they were babies and care for them when they were little but after the divorce, I couldn't manage three children by myself. Losing a parent or two parents can cause a lot of emotional problems in your life and it takes a long time to heal and to forgive. Best wishes to you.

 
Old 07-27-2011, 09:45 AM   #5
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Wow!! I couldnt register fast enough to tell you that I feel the same exact way!!! I'm 34 I lost both my parents when I was very young.. My dad was a drug addict and my mom stayed with him thinking he was going to change...long story short, my dad ended up getting infected with HIV, which in turn infected my mother and her unborn child. My little brother died in April 1987, my mother died in Oct 1987 and my dad died in Dec 1988. I know exactly what you mean when you kind off tell people they don't know what to say, it's a very uncomfortable situation. I try not to tell people much if my situation... With my particular situation they tend to judge me... Because of my dad's addiction and them being HIV positive, they think I have it also!! I have tried going to counseling but they are usually speechless and it usually just opens those wounds again, so I just keep it all in!!!! Thank goodness I have a younger sister and a younger brother so that kind of helps sometimes because then I know that Im not the only one in the world. I could not have done it with out them!!! Our childhood was not the best either we bounced around from family member to family member to we got our place. I sympathize with you alot!!! To me it kind of tested all of my faith... Well that just some of my story I just hope that it helps you some what, I know your did to me!

Last edited by Theniceone; 07-27-2011 at 09:50 AM.

 
Old 07-27-2011, 10:20 AM   #6
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

I wrote a long message, which was somehow lost. Instead it seems only the Quoted message was shown, without my message, which doesn't make sense. I am sorry onecoolbunny, I will try again. If there is anyway that I can remove your message from my name, let me know.

 
Old 07-27-2011, 10:23 AM   #7
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Hi, Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have been through a lot and you survived and so did your siblings. We are survivors. I'm glad you have a faith. Do you have children yet? I know you will be a wise a loving mother when you do. I think so many people have wrong information about HIV and so many got that disease through no fault of their own. Your mom tried to stay with your dad and then lost her life. I'm so sorry about that. We all make choices and sometimes those painful situations are only shared with special people who have compassion and no judgmental spirit. I want to share with non-toxic people who are understanding, loving and forgiving. I wish you the best in life and thank you again for sharing with me. Life goes by so fast and the things we have learned in our childhood can help others keep moving through their own trials and hard times. God bless.

 
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Old 07-27-2011, 12:09 PM   #8
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

My mother died from a brain tumor when I had just turned 7 years old. I remember she had really bad headaches at first, then she began to have seizures. Her head would turn around, as if it was going to spin all the way, and she couldn't turn it back until the seizure was over. This was 63 years ago. In those days seizures were called "fits" Eventually she had to go into the hospital to have an operation to remove the tumor. I was not allowed to visit her because of my age. My mother and father were not married, I saw my father so seldom that I couldn't even remember what he looked like. He did not live in the state that we lived in. When my mother was in the hospital, I remember he came and took me to his mother's house, and that is where I was when my mother died. During those days they had the body lie in state at home. I came back home to my mother's body lying in a casket in the living room, with a lamp at either end. I was glad that my father was there, because everyone else was so grief stricken that nobody took time to talk to me or see how I was feeling. Every now and then someone would look at me and say "poor little thing." I was glad that my father was there, but I really didn't know him. I just felt alone, and I began to withdraw. My grandparents had adopted my older cousin because her mother was an alcoholic. My other two first cousins had a mother and a father, although at times they lived with my grandmother. I thought that my father's girlfriend would be my new mother, and I thought my father would be more responsible, instead he took advantage of my need for love and affection and he abused me starting at an early age. I Still only saw him every few years. I became more withdrawn, they called it bashful, but I just didn't talk because I didn't want people to know what was going on, and what my life was like. The death of my mother, and the abuse by my father has affected me all of my life. My father's family while they cared for me, I was not a legitimate child, so therefore they acknowledged me, but I was not accepted nor treated like the legitimate children. I also believe that they knew what my father was doing to me, but never intervened. My grandparents who raised me, loved me, but my grandmother seemed to love me because my mother was her favorite child. So, it was always "because I loved your mother so much." I began to feel unlovable. I always felt that I had to earn love, not that I deserved it. I took care of my grandfather when he had cancer, I was 15 years old. I tube fed him, and went to the hospital everyday to visit. When he was home, I took him to the hospital for therapy, and I took him for a walk in the wheelchair every day that he was able to go. I finished school and some college, and I have worked since before I finished high school. I am on my third marriage, I have had 4 children, both of my daughters died, one at 17 from brain tumors, the other at 45 from HIV. I lost one grandson (Kidney Failure) at 22 months. I suffer from severe depression, off and on, I have been in therapy individual and group several times throughout my life, and inpatient therapy a few years ago. I have had my good times since I started getting therapy when I needed it and understanding some of the issues of my life. One thing that I learned in my first and last therapy was the value of the grieving process. It is very important to allow yourself to go through all the grief stages, not just when someone close dies, but also when you loose or don't get important things in your life, and I don't mean material things. I mean love, care, protection, affection, and encouragement.

Thank you for bringing up this issue, and giving me the opportunity to talk about it.

I am still getting used to using this board, but I send everyone Hugs and smiles, Remember life is not the destination, it is the journey. Everything gets better if you have the courage to work on it, and make it better.

 
Old 07-27-2011, 12:19 PM   #9
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Hi, Thank you for sharing your life story. We all have stories we can tell and the emotional hurt and mental struggles are with us for a long time. I'm so sorry that you went through all you did. My dad wanted to give me away to my aunts but I promised my mom to stay with him. I know I was afraid of him but that kept me in line and I was shy and kept to myself too. He didn't sexually abuse me but he kept his distance maybe because I wasn't his blood daughter but only adopted. He still keeps his distance and I try to understand why. I don't know if because he was hurt in the past he doesn't want to connect with me so he isn't hurt again or if I did something to make him angry with me but my family says he has always been distant and strange with everyone except my mom whom he loved very much. I know your grandfather meant a lot to you and you can look back and know you took good care of him. I married and had three sons but as they got older I couldn't take my ex-husband's criticism and I left him. I later gave my sons to my ex-husband who raised them on the West Coast. I stayed on the East Coast and worked and married an older man. Now I take care of him after I get home from working. Fortunately he is cared for by a caregiver while I work. We all try to survive in this life and I'm so sorry you lost some of your children and granchild. I have suffered with depression too but my faith has helped me so much and to know that even though I was born illegitimate that God knew me before I was born and had a plan for my life. He loves both of us unconditionally and sent His Son to die for us. That is great love. I hope you know Him. God bless.

 
Old 07-27-2011, 03:47 PM   #10
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Smile Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Thank you for your response Renko. Yes I do know the Lord, very well. I know that God sent his son to die for us, but even more importantly he rose on the third day. When he went to sit on the right side of God, he sent his holy spirit to teach us all truth, to comfort, protect and guide us. God said that he would not put more on us than we can bear, he also said that he will always be with us. I would have to write a book to tell my story, so I just told the part that applied to the subject. My grandmother was a great teacher. She had great sayings, from the Bible, and just from her wisdom. I always say the older I get the smarter and wiser granny gets, although she has been dead for 44 years. I have had many miracles in my life. And some things that people thought were devastating were actually blessings. I have learned, when you go through trials, tribulations and trauma knowing that tribulation works patience, and patience brings perfect peace. Those things that are too hard for me I give to God, and I have faith that he will fix it. Not only does he fix it, but he also teaches me something that I need to know, and that is the blessing. My life has not been all trials, tribulations and trauma, because after the storm comes the rainbow. The rainbow moments are worth the trials, tribulations and trauma. Now whenever I feel depressed, I know that when I get through it, I will experience the rainbow.

I walked into a class one time, many years ago. I was feeling overwhelmed. There was a note on the board that said to report to another room for the class. When I got to the other room there was a picture on the bulletin board of a cat hanging at the end of a rope. The sign said, If you think you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on, and I thought he had left me. God wants us to be Happy, but he realizes that there is a time to laugh, and a time to cry. God Bless you too

 
Old 07-28-2011, 05:33 AM   #11
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Hi, I'm so glad you are a believer and that you have gone through the valleys and over the mountains of life. I know you must have a lot more to share and I'd love to listen. It seems that God puts people in our lives via mail, forums or in person to encourage us and you really have encouraged me and I can see that we all are survivors of life and the ups and downs. I'd love to hear the wisdom your grandma and grandpa have said to you. I love to write and I know some people don't have that inclination.

I live on the East Coast and most of my long time friends are on the West Coast so I go to church, go to work and take care of my husband at night. Not too many close friends and the ones I have reached out to have not been very good friends. How did you become a Christian and are your other children boys or girls? Are you married now? Sorry for all the questions. Take care and hope to hear from you soon. Yes, rainbows are God's promises that He will never flood the earth again but He will be coming back again soon someday. I also wanted to say that delayed grief can cause a lot of problems for people too.

Last edited by moderator2; 07-28-2011 at 05:40 AM.

 
Old 07-28-2011, 05:45 PM   #12
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

How I became a Christian? God decided that, I think before I was born. I was raised in the Methodist Church, and I started reading the Bible before I was 12 years old.
Granny taught us that God was no respector of person, and that he sees everything we do. She had a saying that it took me a long time to understand. "Humble is the way", she would always say. My granny was a very wise and strong woman. She only had a third grade education, but she knew God, and she taught us some of the most important lessons from the Bible, you see, God gives Wisdom that the best Universities cannot give. Granny said "man's ways are far from God's ways, and to fear him is the beginning of Wisdom. Jesus was perfect in every way, never sinned, but the world hated him. So about your friends, if you are friends with the world, you are an enemy to God. I have two sons, and 5 grandchildren. Yes, I am married. My husband is a lot of fun, we study the Bible together, and he still works. It is a very good marriage, not without it's problems, but we work them out with God's help. I too like to write. Perhaps, before I die, I will write the book that I have been working on since I was 12 years old. I have loads of journals. When God brings people together, it is for the benefit of both. So it is a pleasure talking to you, and it has been so helpful to me. Have you ever read the book "Illusions" by Richard Bach. I am being directed to tell you to read that book, placing emphasis on the introduction. He also wrote "Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
I also treasure the "Chronicals of Narnia" by cs Lewis. Although they are children's books. Jesus said we must be like little children.

 
Old 07-29-2011, 05:46 AM   #13
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Hi, yes He saw us before the foundations of the earth were made. We were in His heart and mind. I have one son who knows Him and two that don't but I keep praying for them that seeds will be planted. One married a Catholic girl and the other just went to a Bible study with his brother who is a Christian. God is working and answering prayers. You are blessed being a grandmother of 5 and I'm so happy that you have a Christian husband. I was raised in a Japanese Methodist church because my mom and dad wanted me to socialize with Japanese kids but when I became a Christian at the age of 18, I left that church. My mom always gave me books about adoption and books about the Bible at a young age so I knew there was a God but didn't understand about a personal God. It has made so much difference in my life after I understood that He not only loved me in my head but it filtered down into my heart. I'd love to read your book. I'm sure it would be a blessing and healing for so many people. Your grandma was very wise. Humility is so important and serving others. I will look for the book Illusions and tell you what I think. I love to read John Townsend and Henry Cloud's books about Boundaries and Healing is a Choice. We all have choices in this life and our attitude of gratitude is so important. After having health issues in the past I am so thankful for my life and the life of my family and friends. I enjoy smelling the roses and seeing the birds and not worry about tomorrow. Have a great weekend and I hope we can keep in touch. God bless. What do your sons do? Do they live close by so you can be with your grandchildren?

 
Old 08-18-2011, 11:56 AM   #14
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

im so sorry you lost both your parents. i have a similar story, my mom passed away when i was 10. my dad abandoned me when i was a baby. im 38 now and im suffering still with it. i was never able to grieve for her as im writing this i realise its because i couldnt allow myself to grieve for her because i didnt want to believe it and i didnt want my family to hurt. i was also brought up by my aunt and uncle and found it hard there. i had to be strong is how i felt i grow up overnight protecting my sister who was 8 when mum died. im unable to detatch myself from my mothers death. probably because i ignored my pain. now i have lost touch with the pain and this has caused me so many problems. anyway i'll keep it short i hope this helps you in some way i know just writing this has helped me

 
Old 08-18-2011, 12:08 PM   #15
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Re: Lost parents at ages 9 & 10

Hi dear lady, I'm so sorry your mom died when you were 10 and didn't have a good childhood. You were a brave young girl who tried to protect your little sister and put on a brave front but must of our pain if we don't feel it then will come out later if we bury it inside and don't talk about the pain and hurt and feeling abandoned. My mom died when I was 12 years old and I was adopted when I was 2. I only had my mom for 10 years but I'm so thankful to God that I had her for that long. She taught me how to love others and be compassionate and to be forgiving. My dad never connected with me like your dad but I have forgiven him for that. I hope you come to know that there is a personal God Jesus who understands all your hurts and wants to open up the hurts in your life and heal them. I didn't get healing until I was in my 30's and worked with hospice and people actually talked about people who had died in their lives. No one talked about my mom after she died. It was like she just disappeared. It was like a boil was festering inside my heart and those people allowed me to break it up and bring it to the light and get healing. You need a good friend or someone to talk to so you can get healing in your life. I hope you have someone because life is too short and it can be fulfilling and meaningful. Do you have any children?

 
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