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Old 06-23-2011, 03:59 PM   #1
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Unhappy How to tell 2 small children their father is dead.

Just looking for advice.. My sister is facing this decision right now, and I am looking for any advice I can pass on to her. This happened last night.

Two children need to be told that their father is dead. (Self inflicted gunshot to head)

2 year old boy was present in the home and possibly heard the shot.

7 year old girl who loves her dad was at grandmas so has no idea right now.

I am their uncle, and having a hard time myself.

Sensitivity will be appreciated.

Thanks.

Last edited by anon4now; 06-23-2011 at 04:05 PM.

 
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JJ (06-23-2011)
Old 06-23-2011, 04:05 PM   #2
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Re: How to tell 2 small children their father is dead.

My heart is breaking for you. I have no advice but I wish your family all the best.

 
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Old 06-23-2011, 04:25 PM   #3
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Re: How to tell 2 small children their father is dead.

Oh my word, that is so sad. I'll be honest it is hard to actually say how to tell them especially if the son was in the house. I know they say to tell the truth, which I'm sure will come out anyway but for now could she possibly say it was an accident? Maybe after things settle down some then she could take the oldest one aside and explain the truth. Right now she needs all the help and strength she can get and also try to let the children know their dad is in Heaven watching over them.

I'm sure at school etc. word will get out and I fear she may be told by class mates and I know I wouldn't want her to find out that way then she will be very confused if mom doesn't tell her. This is a tough one!...

All my prayers and wishes to you and the family...JJ
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anon4now (06-23-2011)
Old 06-23-2011, 05:32 PM   #4
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Re: How to tell 2 small children their father is dead.

Am so sorry you are having to deal with this. The 2 yr old won't have a clue that anything happened. And he also won't understand what you try to tell him right now. The 7 yr old is a different proposition. I am going to assume that you are not faith based as no mention was made of any counseling from pastors, etc. Most funeral homes have grief counseling services or can refer you to one and the older one's school may also have this available. I would avail myself of those resources. Keep in mind that they will have to know some day the details of what happened. Right now you can say that daddy is gone to heaven - or wherever suits your situation. But be ready to be able to at least outline some reasons why his pain was such that this was his only recourse....and that it had nothing to do with them. You don't want them thinking they were the cause....which is what children tend to do.

My thoughts are with you.

 
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Old 06-23-2011, 09:18 PM   #5
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Re: How to tell 2 small children their father is dead.

Was just wondering if it was an accident, or intentional? Are they a faith based family, or open? When my brother died of a self inflicted shot to the head, I had to explain to my neice and nephew that their daddy was called to work for the Lord, and one day they will see him again. Even though it was a suicide case, I didnt want to tell them anything bad about him. The boy was 8 and the girl was 4. Just tell her to be strong, and yes some times grief counseling is good, but do it as a family. The 2 yr old should go too because even though he may not understand completely he knows something is missing in his life. My sympathy to them.

 
Old 06-23-2011, 09:22 PM   #6
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Re: How to tell 2 small children their father is dead.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jelleyjr31 View Post
Was just wondering if it was an accident, or intentional? Are they a faith based family, or open? When my brother died of a self inflicted shot to the head, I had to explain to my neice and nephew that their daddy was called to work for the Lord, and one day they will see him again. Even though it was a suicide case, I didnt want to tell them anything bad about him. The boy was 8 and the girl was 4. Just tell her to be strong, and yes some times grief counseling is good, but do it as a family. The 2 yr old should go too because even though he may not understand completely he knows something is missing in his life. My sympathy to them.
It was intentional, my sister and him were arguing. My sister is freaking out, and I think she is blaming herself.

We are not a religious family.

 
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