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Old 06-24-2011, 11:59 AM   #1
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loss of a son

my son died sudden at 41 i cant understand the feelings im going though pain anger but the worse 1 was i felt angry at my son for leaving us i feel this cant be normal also post mortom showed cause of death indecisive does anyone know what this means its going to take 10 weeks

Last edited by SHARON1952; 06-24-2011 at 04:34 PM.

 
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Old 06-25-2011, 12:12 PM   #2
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Re: lossof a son

I'm very sorry for your loss. As far as feeling angry that believe it or not is quite common. After a loved one passes people go through tons of emotions and that is one of them.

As far as them telling you his death was indecisive means they are not sure what caused his death. My neighbor just went through this a year ago with her 22 year old son...still no answer.

Prayers to you and all the best of wishes..JJ
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Old 06-25-2011, 01:28 PM   #3
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Re: loss of a son

I'm so, so sorry.
That's every mother's worst nightmare, and it doesn't matter how old the child is. They are always our babies.


I wish you peace and healing.

 
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Old 06-25-2011, 05:01 PM   #4
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Re: lossof a son

thank you jj i felt the anger at first because i thought mabie he had harmed himfelf now that past im hurt and angry at everything except my son my boy took a blood clot 12 years ago and was depressedafter it so he was put on high doses of vallium and dehydrecodine for pain the both drugs have a tollarance and you need more so he lives in scotland with his wife and family and i moved to newcastle when he was 21 i feel so guilty at leaving him now but we kept in touch by phone and i took there kids during the summer holidays every year to let them have a break i used to visit untill i got a thyroid problem 4 year ago so found it hard to travel then anyhow my son came down 2 year ago because he was adicted to the priscryption drugs to come of them and he just stopped them the withdrawel was horendess but he came of the all except 20 mill vallium so he done this in 3 weeks then his wife took him home his mind wasent very stable but the last few months he seems to be getting better soi thought well i dont have to travel they will visit me i did manage 2 go to scotland to our caravan last august and he came to see us with his wife and granchild he looked fine and that was the last i saw him the last saturday i got a call from his wife telling me he was dead i am devistated as i thought i didnt have to worry about him anymore except for the odd panic attack when he called i would sit and talk to him he was not a junkie he never stole from us or hurt us and i know he never would i have so much guilt for leving him but my other son that lives down here seen him in may and said he looked great i cant understand what happened to my beautful boy apart from the blood clot wich he was on medication for he looked a big 6 foot 3 heathy young man jj did they ever find out what caused ur neibours sons death i think we need to know why this happened as im writing this im drying clothes to travel up tommorow for his funeral heartbroken dont think i will ever get over this and im so scared to go to my childs funeral sorry for the long post but the pain keeps hitting me over and over and i feel i could just not go im so scared xxx

 
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Old 06-25-2011, 07:57 PM   #5
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Re: loss of a son

Hon..you can't blame yourself for this or anything else. It sounds like you were a great family unit and visited as often as possible. I have 3 children and all are scattered all over the USA so we don't get to see each other much either. When my husband was sick in Nov. and in the hospital due to a minor heart attack the kids felt guilty for not being around. Like I told them, they need to live their lives and do their jobs and NOT to feel guilty. They called every day both myself and hubby so to us that was important and we appreciated it. Not all families can be close in distance to each other.

If he had a clot it could have traveled to his heart or brain, you just don't know about those things. Right now you are in shock, disbelief etc. which is totally understandable. I hope they give you a final answer soon, as my neighbor never got an answer. All she was told was he had some sort of weird infection and it traveled throughout his body. She is a nurse and she couldn't even get a final answer.

Take care and please keep us updated. Prayers to all..JJ
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:52 PM   #6
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Re: loss of a son

Dear SHARON ~ How sorry I am to hear of your loss. The feelings you are going through are completely normal, the anger, the sadness and the pain.

I agree with JJ, you mustn't feel guilty about the distance that stood between you.....it sounds as if you were close in heart and as a family.

It is never easy for a parent to lose a child no matter what age they may be.

We lost my dear brother when he was just 46 years old and my dear mom was so heartbroken at having to lose a child before her time came.

9 months later my dear mom was gone too.

I will never forget how heartbroken she was when my brother passed on.

But when it came time to attend the funeral and say her goodbyes, she did so with such love and grace.

Be gentle with yourself and may the love of family and friends comfort you at this time.

Remember that you are not alone and that the more we love the more we grieve.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today as you say goodbye to your dear son.

May the Lord bring love and comfort to you and fill your heart with HIS peace.

(((((HUGS))))) ~ Ivory

 
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Old 07-01-2011, 11:35 AM   #7
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Re: loss of a son

hello al can anyone help my son was cremated 2 days ago a post mortom was done and all we were told was they dont know why he died if i cant understand as i thought that the post mortom would b able to tell us the reason cant understand how someone as young as 41 can just go to bed and never wake up i am back in england and its 2 weeks tomorrow and still dont know why he died whats the point of a post mortom if it tells you nothing i cant even cry now im so numb if anyone can explain about the post mortom plz help also the wouldnt leave the coffin open someone said something about my sons colour now im left wondering why they wouldnt let me see him and why the cant find the cause they are saying between 6 and 10 weeks now but why a post mortom if it cant tell you x

 
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Old 07-01-2011, 06:08 PM   #8
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Re: loss of a son

I am so sorry, Sharon, that you are left with these feelings of uncertainty.

I wish I had the answers regarding the post mortom.....perhaps they still have tests that need to be determined that take some time to come back and until then they must tell you things are inconclusive??

I would imagine that it might be so much easier for you to have some type of closure in terms of his cause of death so that you can move forward with your grief if you were to have the answers that you so seek and I pray that somehow you may get them within the 10 weeks that they are speaking about perhaps even sooner.

And like JJ already said, perhaps the clot that was a problem had dislodged and led to your son's death.

As far as feeling numb, that is how I felt with my losses.....I felt as if the world was moving ahead while I was stuck in one spot barely able to do anything. Looking back on it, I don't even remember half of what went on at the funerals of my dear brother and mom, I did what I had to do but I don't even remember who was there and many particulars looking back on it now.

Be gentle with yourself, as I explained in my last post to you, it is sooo difficult for a parent to lose a child.

I think that what my dear mom experienced in the loss of my brother led to her own passing......she had no health problems prior to her diagnosis of biliary cancer and she was gone within 2 months of them diagnosing her.

So PLEASE take care of yourself so that you can be there for your family who have already endured a great loss.

Sending you some hugs and hoping that you will get the answers that you seek.

You obviously are a wonderful mom who did everything to help your son. He was lucky to have such a loving and caring mom in his life like you.

Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

((((HUGS))))) ~ Ivory

 
Old 07-01-2011, 06:27 PM   #9
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Re: loss of a son

thank you ivory i feel im no help to the others in my family james was my eldest child he lived his life to the fulest i do feel so guilty as i moved to england when he was 21 but he had a wife and 2 kids my other son and daughter moved with me so he was left alone i always thought when his kids got a little older he would move but if i sugessted it he said he would never leave glasgow the day after he died we got a fathers day card that was the last thing he done then he went home 2 bed and never woke up he called me just before he went 2 bed and i missed his call he went though a hard time coming of precryption drugs that he was precribed when he took the blood clot 11 years ago he had 2 stay on the warfarin as he had reocuring blood clots but he came 2 us to detox from the other drugs 2 years ago when he was calling us on the phone we thought he was getting a lot better so it came as a shock

 
Old 07-01-2011, 06:37 PM   #10
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Re: loss of a son

I agree with Ivorygirl....these tests do take about 6-10 weeks especially seeing they have no clue what happened. Only thing I can think of is there needs to be more testing to find a possible answer. They usually take biopsies of different organs without disrupting the body, so it's possible they are still testing to give your family answers.

As far as why you were not able to see him I am not sure. Was any other member of the family able to view him? I really wish I had an answer for you but I don't, and I certainly understand your frustration. Was it his wish to be cremated?

I know your going through the worst experience one can imagine right now but as Ivorygirl said, you need to try and take care of yourself. I really hope within the next few weeks you will get some answers as you do need closure. How is the rest of the family holding up?

All I can do for now is send you as many hugs as possible and pray that soon your answers will come. Please take care of yourself for the rest of your family and your own sake.

Many hugs and please let us know what you find out...JJ..
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Old 07-01-2011, 06:53 PM   #11
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Re: loss of a son

thank u jj the only people that seen my son was my daughter in law and brother in law i identify him i dont understand why beacause he died in his own bed and my daugher in law found him after that they said we could see him in the chapel of rest but i didnt travel up till the sunday a week after he died i think i was in shock and didnt want to beleave it when we got there we were told the had to close the coffin i juat cant understand if he died in his bed like my daugter in law told me why she had to go and identify him i am starting to think he didnt die in his sleep and the thought that someone hurt him is killing me i keep thinking they are hiding what realy happened to save me being any more hurt

 
Old 07-01-2011, 07:07 PM   #12
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Re: loss of a son

Sharon,

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine how you feel. I have a son and after reading your posts I want to call him now.

I have a friend who just lost a sister and she still does not know what happened she has not gotten the results back as yet. She was just 53 and found her on the floor w/ a pillow under her head. My friend keeps asking over and over what could have happened why this and why that, its been about 2 months now. Its so hard to imagine.

I have asked my friend to please talk to someone like a grief counselor. I believe we all would need that. Its so hard not knowing. A counselor is trained to help you thru all this and will help you work thru it.

So please think about this. I'm giving you a big old cyber hug right now and sending you my best thoughts and prayers. I hope as each day passes by it gets a little bit easier somehow, someway. I pray you find an answer.

((((((HUGS)))))

 
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Old 07-02-2011, 06:24 AM   #13
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Question Re: loss of a son

thank you i hope i can find out dont think i can cope because its hard enough 2 lose your son but not 2 know why x i have just found out today that the death certificate had my sons name age and everything but on the cause of death it was blank

Last edited by SHARON1952; 07-02-2011 at 12:55 PM.

 
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