Hi there.....so sorry for your loss.
I soo understand the void you feel having lost your mom and best friend.
I lost my mom a little over a year ago and still yearn to call her. I have been going through some health problems myself and all I want it my mom to be here with me.
So I do understand how you feel.
IT will get better, you will still miss your mom but in time the memories that you have made together will carry you through.
What you need to do now is REALLY focus on YOU and your mental/emotional well being.
I have two daughters and one struggles with depression.
One shouldn't just stop an antidepressant.....it can sometimes cause seizures depending what med it is.
And it throws things off in terms of the brain chemistry and balance.
You do need to see another doc and preferably a psychiatrist who can monitor you more closely.
It will be difficult to get into one as a new patient since it sometimes takes 2-3 months to get an appt as a new patient.
I would highly recommend that you find a mental health clinic and explain your predicament so that they can see you ASAP.
I know how you fear a psych admission but that isn't always the case....in fact it may be worthwhile to go to your ER and be seen so that you can get on a med ASAP before things do get worse and lead to an admission.
You can also attend an outpatient program that will address your needs and get you more stabilized.
I have found as my daughter does that the longer you wait to address the problem the more lkely it may worsen.
Make sure you get good sleep, eat well, incorporate some exercise into your daily routine and get yourself to a therapist and doctor to help manage your mental health so that your depression can be monitored well.
I am sending you some extra (((HUGS))) and hoping that you will be feeling better soon.
You just lost your mom and you need to give yourself permission to grieve.
Try remembering how precious you were to her and how much she would want you to take care of yourself now.
The best way to honor your mom would be to live your life in a healthy way and loving yourself as much as she did.
And remember, our moms are still very much near us if we are open to seeing that.
Love and lots of (((HUGS))) ~ Ivory