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Old 10-08-2011, 10:28 PM   #1
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lost my husband

Lost him in april he had just turned 58. I did ok for a while was just really sad and now it has been a little over 5 months and I am doing horrible. I cried from 11 am last tuesday till 9 am wednesday. I am getting infected eyes from crying...I am starting to miss work. I missed friday and sat. I stayed holed up in the bedroom crying and only eating enough to keep my stomach from hurting. Everyone has went away. They all think I am doing ok, because I put on a happy face in public...The grief is getting bad to the point I don't want to be here anymore, because I don't think I can handle this anymore..I have no one to talk to and tried to find a grief support group with no luck..Any advice I would love or if someone just wants to talk......Lynn

 
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Old 10-09-2011, 12:11 AM   #2
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Re: lost my husband

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief has a way of catching up after a few months. Go to your nearest hospital and get some help. After I lost my sister I got really grief stricken after several months. I went to the doctor, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression . I new that how I was feeling was strange. I had a little nervous breakdown. I was put on antidepressants and started to feel a bit better. Gradually I coped and went and had counselling, which was great. It took several years to feel my self again. Then suddenly my father died. I just fell in a big heap. I new what to do this time and went straight back to my doctor. And counsellor. Gradually I seen the light at the end of the tunnell. My system can't deal with to much stress, and have a family history of depression. It just took something like this to bring it to the surface. I never thought I would get over it. But its 13 years down the track and I am good. When I feel things are getting on top of me, I go and talk to someone. So go and see a doctor or go to the hospital. Its such a deep sense of emptiness like nothing will ever be the same. But the feeling of being okay does come back eventually. Go and get help, good luck....

 
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Old 10-09-2011, 02:04 AM   #3
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Re: lost my husband

Thanks for responding. I have thought about a dr but afraid they will lock me up if I am truthful with them as things will never be the same here and I don't think I can go on with this change. I have problems with depression too..Sorry for all the loss you have been through..My dad died 4 years ago the 18th of this month and I had to start taking antidepressants for a while (zoloft) till I could get a grip. I tried taking them again a few days ago and they make me want to sleep for a couple of days..They didn't do that before, so I don't know why they do now..

Last edited by mod85; 10-09-2011 at 03:21 AM.

 
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Old 10-09-2011, 02:59 AM   #4
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Re: lost my husband

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're feeling so bad.

Your feelings are perfectly normal, grief is a terrible thing to suffer but it's normal. It's also normal to go through the stages of grief, but in no particular order and to return to the different stages at any time.

It's really early days in your grieving process and you will still feel awful. But, things will get better. They always do, eventually. Don't despair, just understand that what you're feeling is a natural human emotion.

Hang on in there, and things will improve for you, but you have to grieve first, for your husband, the life you had together, the things you did together, everything.

If things do get too bad go and see a doctor. They will understand and not judge you in any way.

Lots of love x

Last edited by JanaJ; 10-09-2011 at 03:02 AM.

 
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Old 10-09-2011, 03:20 AM   #5
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Re: lost my husband

There is no time limit on how long a person is supposed to grieve...despite some in society believing that we should, 'just get over it, already'.

There is nothing wrong with you feeling this way...it is only natural. You will know when you are ready to move on. There is no well defined moment when this knowledge comes to you..it just comes. I lost my beautiful, wonderful, dearest step mother six years ago...she was only 55 and she died of a broken heart, I believe, but bit by bit now, I am able to look at a photo of her without breaking down; well sometimes. Most times, I still cry, but I do know that I am better now than what I was.

I have lived with diagnosed clinical depression since the age of 14 and have at various times, had my mental state thrown in my face by certain family members, but here I can be honest and say to you that counselling with an impartial person can be a great help. Do you have free telephone counsellors in the States? In Australia, we have a country wide free phone service, called Lifeline, which is manned by teams of trained volunteers and they are there to listen to you. They listen to your problems and although they themselves cannot fix anything, they can point you to places where you can get help.

Be aware, you are not alone in this. It may feel like it...grief is a disabling, depressing, lonely condition, but there are definitely people around, myself being one, who are very happy to be able to help someone. The good thing about talking to someone impartial, is that you know that you are not being judged.

I hope that you find the aid you need, even if it is only a kindly ear, or a sturdy shoulder. I will be thinking of you...big hug to you.

 
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Old 10-09-2011, 06:22 AM   #6
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Re: lost my husband

wow thank you to all of you.you all have made me feel a little bit better. i actually got 3 hours sleep..my eyes are very swollen and hurt but as for today I am going to try to have a different attitude..One thing you all said struck me and that is people telling you to get over it and move on. My mother in law told me you just have to go on. I felt this was very insensitive..Its like yes I know this but right now I hurt and I can't just go on, I lost my husband and you lost your son so what is wrong with you? She is elderly and in a senior living center so her mind isn't right....Thank you all for the support I have found here..I think i have just been is shock the last 5 months and the reality is now hitting me..As he was in and out of the hosp before he died. I think i was telling myself he is coming home and i now realize he isn't..hugs to you all

 
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Old 10-11-2011, 03:29 PM   #7
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Re: lost my husband

Hi Lynn I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and at such a young age also. I lost my mom when she was 59,i was26,and the grief was unbelievable to me then and it still is at times even though she passed in 1995. My dad passed last year at the age of 84 and i still grieve for him daily.He had stage4 melanoma and i moved in with him the last 6 months of his life to take care of him and i was there when he took his last breath just as i was with my mom. I don't know if they have this kind of thing where you live but the funeral home that i used for both of my parents gave me a grief counseling line that i could call ANYTIME that i needed to talk to anyone and there is someone there that answers the phones 24/7.When you first call they assign you a number and then when you call back all you have to do is give them your number you never have to say your name if you don't want to.I do hope this available in your area as it helped me tremendously even though i still have days when i miss both of them like crazy and i still call the grief line.I hope you will check and see if this is available in your area and if so PLEASE do not hesitate to use it as it is an awesome service. Please feel free to write me anytime or ANYONE on this board as we are here for each other and we ALWAYS try to give all the support to each other that we can.Please take care of yourself and know that we will be thinking about you!!!

Tinkerbell45

 
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Old 10-12-2011, 02:54 AM   #8
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Re: lost my husband

Thank you so much for responding. I started grief support meetings last night as I had a major breakdown end of last week. It was scary and my family and friends are worried as so am I...If these meetings do not help I will go to counseling. I will not lose me and that is what is going to happen if I don't do something..As I am to the point that I don't even want to be here. So I have taken the first step and will see what happens..Thanks about the info for the hotline..I will check it out as you can't have too much help in dealing with this grief thing..I am so sorry for your loss...hugs

Last edited by mod85; 10-12-2011 at 03:58 PM.

 
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Old 10-17-2011, 09:20 AM   #9
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Re: lost my husband

I lost my husband in June. I just can't stop crying and was hoping I might find out when this will end, but it seems everyone is different. I cry everywhere and never know when it's going to it me. Sometimes I cry all day. Does anyone have any clue when this will get better. It doesn't matter where I am when it hits me.

 
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Old 10-03-2012, 10:30 PM   #10
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Re: lost my husband

Oh I am so sorry. I am in agony over losing my ex & so I know how you must feel worse. Maybe you don't have to put on a happy face ALL the time. I hope you have safe friend or family member to be real with from time to time. If not, then grief support of all forms can help.

From my experience losing my mom, it took me two years to start feeling normal, somewhat. Just reach out as much as you need, here & elsewhere. It seems there is much empathy here & every little bit helps, I believe. Journaling also helped me. And music & faith.

 
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